Coping with increased attention

[Krisvm]

As I go out more feminine I have started to get a lot more attention. Not just in situations where I might expect it (such as shop assistants wanting to chat) but random strangers will just start telling me how good I look. These range from creepy guys asking me on dates, to random men and women stopping their cars to tell me what they like in my look, to neighbours I barely know telling me the outfit I am wearing today they like better than yesterday. 

 

The thing is whilst I like being told I look good I am naturally also a bit shy IRL and the level of attention can be a bit overwhelming. Do other people have any advice how to cope with this attention? 

 

When I appeared to be a cis male to people nobody wanted wanted to talk to me so is very new. 

[Ellora]

14 minutes ago, Krisvm said:

When I appeared to be a cis male to people nobody wanted wanted to talk to me

People that are LGBTQ friendly are more open with others they feel comfortable talking to. After I moved near Hillcrest, I started hanging out at a local coffee shop. I used to get cautious stares a lot, until one of the coffee shop baristas told me and we all had a talk. I made some really good friends since. Unfortunately, The Community still has to be cautious, and more times than not, it's the male bigots that lash out verbally and physically. 

Enjoy these moments, and Im also happy that you are getting all these compliments! 

[VickySGV]

It is strange at first to be noticed, and guess what, it is for the reason that people do consider us to be more approachable.  We are more at ease with ourselves and it shows.  I go into places and at least one person knows my first name if I have been there more than once.  I also do more listening than talking, but as female my face shows I am listening and others respond to that.  My male self just never could pull that off, and so I was more easily forgotten or never approached.  You will learn to take it as right and wonderful!!

[Carolyn Marie]

I got noticed more 7-8 years ago, after first transitioning.  It was gratifying and affirming, but also made me nervous, too.  I often did not know if the person paying me attention, male or female, knew or not.  I don't get much of that IRL anymore (but still get plenty of unwanted admirers online), but still find it really nice when a woman stranger, or a man, for that matter, strikes up a conversation or just offers a compliment about my clothes or jewelry.  It's what women do for each other, and as such, is still is very affirming and welcome.

 

Nowadays I don't worry much about whether the person I talk with knows I'm trans, guesses, or has no idea.  It just doesn't bother me, which is really what I love the most about life now.

 

Carolyn Marie

[LeavesThatAreGreen]

I'm really early in my transition, pre-HRT, so it doesn't happen to me that often but when it does it's strangely validating and violating at the same time. I only pass in the dark so I'm fairly certain 99% of the attention I get is from gay/bi guys anyway, but hey, at least it's something...

[Krisvm]

Okay thanks all of you!

[tracy_j]

I don't get a lot of attention but do sometimes wonder if it is people making an effort rather than just being natural. This did get a bit over the top with one woman a short while back when she flagged me down in a supermarket car park, as I was in the process of driving out, to apologise essentially for looking when a till operator made an adverse comment about me. I was not even aware it had happened and smiled as I thought we had met elsewhere and it was not an unfriedly look. A nice gesture but more embarrasing than the incident I was unaware of anyway.

 

I got more attention from guys earlier on as my clothes were more provocative (short skirts lol). At the time I avoided such contact as I could not really handle it. These days I dress perhaps more sensibly and get little such attention (well I am a bit older ).  One surprising thing was that neighbours do chat a bit more. It might be a bit down to me though as I do make a bit of an effort to be friendly. In my opinion a friendly smile and 'good morning' can stave off a hostile stare and escalating negative reactions. With women my thoughts have always been to reach out to them. I am more outgoing as a woman than I ever was as a man. Living in a small place can help as well as hinder. At least here it is not unnatural to say hello to a stranger.

 

Tracy

[Kirsten]

I really have no advice for you. But I can tell you it happens a lot and doesn’t go away. I get hit on, flirted with, asked out, ogled, and all the same stuff cis girls deal with a lot now. And every time I am like a deer in headlights. I don’t really know how to react still. I can’t even tell you how I feel about all of it. I like it I think. But idk. It’s still pretty weird. To go from the guy hitting on the girls to the girl the guys are hitting on has been a real twist for me. Lol. 

One thing I am sure of is that it’s a complement. And it makes me feel good about who I am and how I look and present. And that’s pretty cool. ?

[Jani]

It does happen.  Just yesterday after purchasing tickets for a show, my spouse and I walked a few blocks to get some frozen yogurt.  A guy that passed us looked at me and said hello.  I did reply back.  I was wearing a light airy summer skirt; I took it as a flirt.  I didn't even look at my wife as she can be sensitive to these events.   Get used to it.  It seems guys feel they can make comments to women where they wouldn't to another guy.  

 

Jani  

[Krisvm]

Just now, Jani said:

It does happen.  Just yesterday after purchasing tickets for a show, my spouse and I walked a few blocks to get some frozen yogurt.  A guy that passed us looked at me and said hello.  I did reply back.  I was wearing a light airy summer skirt; I took it as a flirt.  I didn't even look at my wife as she can be sensitive to these events.   Get used to it.  It seems guys feel they can make comments to women where they wouldn't to another guy.  

  

Jani  

 

Oh that is one thing, my wife does get jealous, not just from men. I get women stopping to talk to me and body checking me with quite a degree of regularity. Not so much jealous that I might go for anything with it, rather that doesn't happen to her regularly.

[Charlize]

Being female can certainly make us more approachable.  As a guy i'm sure i looked potentially dangerous to other guys.  Looking too long or saying hi simply didn't happen. As a woman i am no longer perceived as a threat.  That's an advantage at times while at others it is annoying or even potentially dangerous.  Women rarely travel alone unless they are going to a place where there are likely other women, like grocery shopping.  I know i'm much more conscious if i walk along the road now.  Unfortunately some men are not only flirtatious but dangerous.  I'm a pretty tough old gal but have no desire to have to protect myself.  At the same time i enjoy the smiles and compliments i can share with other women as i am no longer seen as a threat.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize