How do you date when your Transition

[Lexi C]

So I am on my 7th mouth of hrt, I still look like a man even when made up, my hands are just to manly and they scream " Dude that's a guy". But I am tried of being lonely...I work extremely hard, usually tried bye the end of the day. I would like to feel that sensation of coming home to someone or have someone to comfort with.., talk too, go out  with whose more just a friend...I no longer use the sites because they trigger my pass and I am afraid someone might recognize me from my pass...On Top of that, I am not sure if I am want to date a guy or girl...which make things even more confusion and throws me into a sphere of depression. I know a lot of you on this site have wife's, girlfriends, some even have families with kids, but is there anyone out there whose middle age and struggling with this or has successfully found someone

[Lexi C]

Mary ty for responded . I totally feel the same way how can I date if I have 0 sex drive or 0 feelings..FYI. I think yr profile pic is amazing. Yr the kinda of woman I hope I can be.. good luck

[Ellora]

I am coming up on my 5th month, and have noticed an increase in my libido. I think it’s coming from me being happy with my progress in my Journey. The best part is , that it doesn’t control me and I can do without sex without the overwhelming influence of T. I am an extroverted introvert, so I don’t have to date, even tho I miss the intimacy that comes from having someone else. Getting rid of my facial hair is a big roadblock for me atm. My outlook on going out will drastically change once I can get past the facial hair issue. 

[Ellora]

2 hours ago, MaryMary said:

Wait what? an extrovert introvert?

? That’s the way I explain it, ?, I’m an introvert that can be happy being alone, and can dread going out if involves social interaction. But, when I’m in the mood, I can be a social butterfly. Especially when I find a good group of friends to hang out with. And even then, while having a group of friends, I might dread going out with them sometimes. The last group of friends I hung out with was from 2005- 2012. Most of them moved away around 2010-2012, and after that I didn’t really feel like going out and finding a new group. I took a break from 2012-2014 until my friends twins were born. Now I hang with them if I want to do stuff. Other than that, I go solo, if I go out. 

I have absolutely no problem turning on my social face if we all go somewhere or go on vacation, but prefer not to over do it  

ive been this way my whole life. I think it’s cause I can’t really be who I really am, so I prefer not to (socially) do things if I don’t need to. Once I’m able to be Me, Ellora, things might change. 

[Lexi C]

Heu Ellora I feel the same way about my F.H...It's totally holding me back...I hoping to start that process bye sept..if all goes to plan.....same way about friends..i been trying to do it on my own. I will go to bar or restaurant  but I start hearing those voice and they all say .."People are staring at you "..I guess I am just looking for that special feeling fro someone....thanks for the reply have a good night

 

[Kirsten]

Well let me say that the idea of dating mid transition scares the snot out of me. Being between two worlds like this is daunting without the added stress of finding a partner. Not to mention the longer I am on hormones, the more broad gender in a mate becomes for me. If my wife left me today, I would definitely date men now. Or women. Or trans people. Actually I would love to date a trans man most of all. I just feel like the dynamic could work well with the right guy. But that’s all just thinking out loud. I’m not really sure what I’d do if I were in that situation. And I am pretty sure I’d wait till after surgery for anything even remotely serious. 

 

When i I met my wife I was in essence “out” with my cd activities with the “possibility” of a someday transition. She knew my secret thanks to my ex that set us up. And still dated me. We just took things slow and piece by piece. But being honest and up front about who I was from day one is why I think we are still together a year into full time transition.

That’s all I can truly give for advice. Be honest. There’s someone out there for everyone. But a good relationship is based on honesty. 

[Raven1981]

For myself.  I have all given up on dating or trying to find someone.  I have been single for 38 years of my life.  I have tried blind dates from friends, never worked out, have tried several different dating sites and never worked out.  I am just sick and tired on hearing, " oh your too nice to date" and you are put into the friend zone.  Or my favorite, " you just have not found the right person yet"  I have heard them all and have just given up.  My favorite is when I asked someone out that I knew they were single and they turned around and told me that they got out of a real messy relationship and they are not ready to get out there, and then after they leave me, they to to another person that same day right in front of me and ask them out and go out with them.  I have heard them all and have been turned down and then seen them go and ask someone in front of me.  So I am not the best person since I am still a 100% virgin, never been kissed and never been on a date

[Ellora]

8 hours ago, Alex C said:

guess I am just looking for that special feeling fro someone..

My extroverted side does miss companionship and intimacy, and my introverted side says, meh. ? but that’s me, ?. Advice I give and follow, let the relationship happen, do not force anything, nudge maybe, but never force. That said, grats to you for being so brave and going out to bars and restaurants, I’m jealous ?. I hear those voices even when I’m in my cis clothes, cause my hair is long, I pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs and arms, and always wear short shorts (5” seamed shorts). Even if I go into Hillcrest dressed as a woman, I know I’ll be getting looks. Not bad looks, mind you, but looks. If you are brave enough to go out dressed as a woman, then more power to you, enjoy every second you are out. The confidence will build, and through time, you will find someone, or they might find you first. Try not to get discouraged if you don’t find someone right away. Just means that your special someone hasn’t found you yet. Try not to settle for less. You could build a friends base, which will lead to more friends, and more possibilities. This is a Journey, all aspects of it, so live in the moment and enjoy your baby steps too. 

Take care, and enjoy life! 

[Lexi C]

Ty E..fyi I WOU;LD LOVE TO LOOK LIKE YOU... SUPER HOT

[Ellora]

5 hours ago, Alex C said:

I WOU;LD LOVE TO LOOK LIKE YOU... SUPER HOT

You’re welcome A and Thank you! You are so kind! Btw, my profile pic was taken using Snapchat and its gender filter. I hope I look as pretty without the filter. I haven’t shown a pic with makeup on yet. Your compliment has inspired me to do just that. 

Thank you again! 

[Naomi Knowles]

On 8/3/2019 at 3:36 AM, Alex C said:

So I am on my 7th mouth of hrt, I still look like a man even when made up, my hands are just to manly and they scream " Dude that's a guy". But I am tried of being lonely...I work extremely hard, usually tried bye the end of the day. I would like to feel that sensation of coming home to someone or have someone to comfort with.., talk too, go out  with whose more just a friend...I no longer use the sites because they trigger my pass and I am afraid someone might recognize me from my pass...On Top of that, I am not sure if I am want to date a guy or girl...which make things even more confusion and throws me into a sphere of depression. I know a lot of you on this site have wife's, girlfriends, some even have families with kids, but is there anyone out there whose middle age and struggling with this or has successfully found someone

 

 

Dating is already described as a minefield, and being transgender introduces some unique challenges on top. Still working on this one myself to be honest, though being in the middle of bodily transition kind of makes us vulnerable before the date has even started, and it takes guts & transparency to then also let that person past your metaphorical gun batteries.

 

Probably depends on the territory, but I had this big paragraph written out of the trials & tribulations of trying to date men or women, before I realised that we ultimately big up our fears and let them run amok. My record is uniformly terrible in the dating arena pre-transition, and I have some personal ghosts from it that stop me from even trying now that I'm mid-transition. But it really can't be overstated how positive it can be to have a counsellor to bounce your troubles off, and lighten the personal baggage load to something more agreeable. Preferably before we go off and try to take on other peoples' baggage too ?

 

 

 

On 8/4/2019 at 3:42 PM, Raven1981 said:

 Or my favorite, " you just have not found the right person yet" 

 

Heard this a few times before, and it makes me angry-scream inside. Like, I get those kind of people want to say something supportive in the moment but don't know what; which is fair enough because it's often hard to do well. But there's something strangely backhanded about the non-committal dismissal of "you haven't found the right person yet". I think it's a bunch of junk words, and if there isn't anything better to say, a sympathetic acknowledgement & silence is a better show of empathy.

[VickySGV]

The only way I have had any dating is when I have been checked to see if I qualify for the Senior discount and they look at my birth date, and say "yeah you're and old broad".   That's the whole truth about my "date" life and I'm sticking by it.

[Lexi C]

Vicky your F-ing funny. Ty for sharing Naomi.  Ellora there's gender Flitter What the Heck...huh..You still look amazing

[Mia1982]

Alex, 

 

Does estrogen help at all as far as lowering your libido so dating isn't as important? For me, I would say I am pretty successful in short-term dating but the problem is I feel like a woman inside and yet I am expected to play the male role. It's fine for awhile to help with loneliness but in the end it doesn't work for me as I get more disinterested after a few months. Rinse and repeat. My friend I came out to thinks it's just this vicious cycle that I really need to break free of. I am hopeful estrogen will help as far as minimizing the T in my body because I think the libido kind of promotes this cycle I keep repeating but now your post has me second guessing. Like maybe in-between transition can be even rougher than pre-hormones. Do you get these feelings of depression/lack of dating someone often? As far as finding someone I am not in your shoes but I think in time as you get further along dating would get easier.