How To Deal With Chasers???

[mochi90]

I got a message from what seemed like a perfectly nice, normal guy until the dude started rambling on about how I'm his type and he hasn't had sex in so long. I realized then that he must be a chaser. I let him ramble for a few minutes before I blocked him. 

 

How y'all deal with people treating you like this? It makes me feel so dirty and yuck ?

[VickySGV]

You seem to have a natural talent for doing the right thing here with (him?).  If he creeps you out, out is where he goes in my book.  It does sound like a chaser or admirer's way of operating.  They think we do our transitioning for kinky sexual thrills which makes me boil very fast.  The problem is that he gets sexual thrills thinking that is our life.  I am sorry it happened to you, but without opening a different can of worms, you have now been partially vaccinated against the type and are recovering very well.  I darn near quit going to a club over one guy who thought it was hilarious to snap my bra strap every chance, but one of the other girls  let him know the hard way to keep his hands to himself, not broken, but hurting fingers.

[Lexi C]

Hey I So I have a ton of experience  with creeps, Admires etc...Yeah you did the right thing. Hopefully his  the type that quite after being block. However,, it's my exp that some creeps don't give up. They will goggle yr #, google maps and bam you get a note  at yr door or worse  I learn a few yrs back how to defend myself ( I use to box and brawl in my teens), but learn the right way to Defend is more important then fighting with anger  and its really paid off especially in my prior occupation. I think Trans Lounge in L.A even offers a class on it. Always a good idea because Vicki is right they think this is just a fetish or we are all kicky prevs and they want in..Be Proud,and BE SAFE.

[KymmieL]

I agree that you did the right thing. However if it escalates make sure you document every word this creep is saying. Then let law enforcement handle it. But be prepared to defend yourself if the need arises.

 

Kymmie

[mochi90]

Thanks, y'all. I will have to pick up some pepper spray or something just in case. 

[Lexi C]

P.S is good idea, I know they Y and some non profit in N.Y.C offer free sel defence class you should check then out.

[Carolyn Marie]

It's one thing to be chased online, and quite another to be chased IRL.  I agree with the others about the real life idiots - stay away, run away, and call the PD if necessary.

 

Online it can get pesky and yucky, but my experience (particularly on Twitter) is that most will try to be really subtle and easy going, and present themselves as normal, cool dudes just looking to chit chat with a "lovely lady" like moi.  If they don't come on strong I'll mute them, but if they repeatedly try to ingratiate themselves or become obnoxious, I'll block them and/or report them.  I find it funny how many mention religion in their intro or their profile.  I wouldn't think the truly religious would be so into trans women, but I guess I'm wrong.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

I think any of us who has been out to any extent has had to deal with creeps.  I end up deleting "friend requests"  on facebook almost daily.  It wasn't long ago that if you searched trans issues on the internet all you could find was porn.  That kept me away from trying to find support for a long time.  Here we as mods and administrators we do our best to maintain a safe comfortable space.

Cutting contact with the problem is usually enough.  He will simply go on to look elsewhere.  If not keeping records as mentioned above can help with legal options.

When dealing with a problem in real time getting help is always the best.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KymmieL]

On 8/25/2019 at 5:14 PM, Carolyn Marie said:

  I find it funny how many mention religion in their intro or their profile.  I wouldn't think the truly religious would be so into trans women, but I guess I'm wrong.

 

Carolyn Marie

Well in cases where they start with religion. They could be one of those nutter types. Going to damn you to hell.

 

Kymmie

[Maid In Bedlam]

I Have a some questions regarding chasers. if we could take the time to consider them?

 

I have been in a relationship for quite a long time and have not been active in this dating game for obvious reasons. So im having trouble getting my head around it.

 

If you are not sexually attacted to a Trans Women or indeed a Transman then you would be seen as transphobic?  I have seen so many times that if you are not activly interested or refuse to date a trans person then thats the term your given so it would seem.

But the original question was dealing with them as if its a term of indearment that anyone not actually interested is a bigot or weirdo. then at the same time it whats we supposedly want the world to be like. Everyone is supposedly got to be interested. or thats how its seen.

 

How do you weed out the ones that are actually interested in you and not whats between your legs? All relationships have to start somewhere but what are the warning signs? How do you know?

 

When do you inform the potential interested party that your trans? Or do you just assume they already know?

 

Is everyone who dates trans women a chaser?  When does being a chaser stop?

 

Is chaser being used as a derogatery term? If so why? I refer you to the question above.

 

If I was to enter back into the dating scene (which is very unlikely) Then i wouldnt go to a place thats is supposedly trans freindly as i do not want to date someone just into trans woman but into women. Is this wrong? At the end of the day my idea was to complete transition and go out into the world as a woman. It that me being decieving or decieving myself?

 

To Mochi90: Please dont think im showing you any dissrespect as its your thread. Im just trying to understand this concept and how chaser is actually constucted. You mentioned that in your particular case the guy started talking about sex after a few lines of chat. This is in my experiance what many do when chatting up a girl. Theres always a bit of inuendo and sexual banter. Its just part of many peoples ritual for dating. when is it to much?

 

I know i sound a little backwald in these things. trust me in my teens i could have anyone i wanted. If i say so myself i was regarded as quite a catch but now its very diffrent. The world has changed so much. Spare a few moments for an old lady trying to understand.

[Maid In Bedlam]

One other that just occured to me while i was in contemplation about this.

 

Do you have to be gay to date a trans woman or lesbian to date a trans man?

 

Does it depend on genitals your iattracted towald or maybe  in the case of a transwoman is the super fem aspect that trans women can be or super masculine  for trans man.

 

 

The mind is now boggerling.