Hi. New here...

[nikrs]

Hey. My name is Nik. I'm 35 years old and I'm really just now starting to accept my transgender identity. I was born female, but identify as male. Looking back, I can say that I probably have "known" that I am trans since I was around 5 years old. I hated and rejected all things "girly" including dresses, dolls, and especially the color pink! I prefered to be outdoors playing in the dirt with my ninja turtles. I considered myself a tomboy because back then I didn't know what it meant to be transgender. It wasn't something that was ever talked about, unlike it is today. At 6 years old it took months of convincing my parents to allow me to cut my hair short. It was a small step to feeling more like myself. I have a vivid memory of being maybe 7 years old and out with my dad when a stranger referred to me as my dad's son. I was elated to be seen as my true self. And although my dad corrected him, I was grinning ear to ear knowing that someone finally could tell I was a boy. 

 

Over the years I have struggled with my appearance and in relationships, going back and forth between wanting to be myself and wanting to be who society accepts me as. I prefer having short hair but have always resisted cutting it too short out of fear of how I would be perceived. I have gone through periods of dressing in men's clothing (mostly in private) and find that I am MUCH more comfortable that way. I'm not sure why, but recently I have felt more compelled to give in and accept my identity. I guess at this stage in my life I feel like I have spent far too much of my time being who other people want me to be. It's a struggle because I know I will not be accepted by my family (at least not all of them) and I also have a child. I fear that if I were to come out and transition now it would be confusing and subject her to bullying from her peers. That is something I definitely do not want. But at the same time I don't know if I can continue to hide my identity until she turns 18. Hopefully others here can offer some advice...which of course is why I joined. 

 

I look forward to getting to know some of you here and hopefully finding a place where I belong. Feel free to ask me anything.

[VickySGV]

Welcome Nik.  Your story is so much like others here that you will fit in just fine.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Nik.  Please look around the forums and post in any thread that interests you, or start some threads of your own.

 

One thing you might think about is making an appointment with a gender therapist, who can help you work through your feelings and offer advice on the best path forward for you.  Good luck!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[SaraAW]

Hi Nik, Welcome to the forums. There is a great group of active people here. They have been a great support for me and I'm sure you’ll find them the same for you. 

 

Self discovery is is not an easy road to travel, but well worth it. I agree with what @Carolyn Marie has said regarding a therapist, mine has and continues to help immensely. 

 

*hugs*

 

Sara

[Krisvm]

Welcome aboard Nik,

 

I hope you find what you are looking for and look forward to getting to know you too.

 

Love and Hugs,

 

Kris

[Susan R]

Nice to meet you Nik,  As many have stated on this forum, this is a nice place to discuss, vent a little, learn a bit, and a place to help others like yourself.  Glad you found us!  Dig in!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Charlize]

Welcome Nik. i certainly remember that joy at being "mis gendered" at an age when parents quickly corrected the speaker.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Nik,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Jani]

Welcome Nik!  I'm glad you found us too!  I understand your desire to hold on until your child is older.  You don't mention how old she is but you might try having a private conversation as those that are close to us tend to be perceptive.  She may very well have some strong clues.  

 

All my best, 

Jani