Hi! I'm Emma.

[Emma Jane]

Hello. So.. the name's Emma. My middle name is Jane. Everyone thinks it's a two-word first name, but no, it's just Emma. But that wasn't available and I wanted to name listed here to look good. Those are my legal names and it's felt great to have them settle in as "mine" and have it feel like "that's me" when I am called Emma. I go by female pronouns like she, her, and hers. I just turned 30 a few months ago. I've been on male-to-female hormone replacement therapy since February 2017.

I've recently been able to piece enough information together with what I was able to find out myself and what I have been able to get from family members who remember me as a baby, to reach the conclusion that I absolutely have some sort of intersex condition. I do not know what my DNA is, haven't had it tested, but there's enough else there to still say I have some sort of intersex condition in any case. When I went through my original puberty, I had both male and female puberty at the same time. So my arms, legs, and bottom got female shaped, but got covered in thick hair. My chest got shaped like, and hairy like, a male's, but I developed b-cups. My face got thick facial hair, but a smooth forehead (with no brow ridge at all) and soft curves. And my voice got stuck decidedly in androgynous territory. And I have scars from having an unwanted surgery to forcibly assign me as male as a baby. So I am definitely intersex.

I'd been in denial about everything until the horrible events at the Pulse Nightclub a few years ago. The roommate of a very dear friend of mine, who lives in Orlando, was extremely close friends himself with four of the victims. It hit me very, very hard and forced me out of my denial and this same friend helped me realize what I was burying. He told me his roommate is happy that his friends managed to save at least one person and honoring them is something that keeps me going. If I ever stopped, I'd be insulting their memory and I can't stand for that.

My family slowly came around to mostly accepting that I'm trans. A few, like one of my sisters, won't acknowledge my existence anymore though. I'm having a hard time with the intersex side of things. They're having a much hard time processing it. Only my mom knew (she knew the entire time, my whole life) and she won't tell me the truth. My dad never knew because he would have insisted on being left out of the details. And my sisters were too young to know at the time. And now they don't really see why this part of my history is important or how it means anything at all. It frustrates me.

Working out that I am definitely intersex is a recent thing for me. I'd been struggling with the question since I broke out of my denial and I've only just recently felt confident I had enough evidence to say it applies to me. So it's what's on my mind now and what I'm probably going to need the most help with.

[Lexi C]

Hey Emma not knowledgeable about yr situation.. I would venture being intersex most of been very difficult grown up. I however, can related to yr frustration. I am super jealous that you already have a B-cup and have develop fem traits...Please do  research on the effects HRT will have on you since it seem to me that it might not be need in your situation, but like said I am knowledgeable. But Your Def in the right place. someone on this site is going through your or has gone through yr same path..If I can help in any way message me. Be Proud, Stay safe and Kick Ass

[Emma Jane]

26 minutes ago, Alex C said:

Hey Emma not knowledgeable about yr situation.. I would venture being intersex most of been very difficult grown up. I however, can related to yr frustration. I am super jealous that you already have a B-cup and have develop fem traits...Please do  research on the effects HRT will have on you since it seem to me that it might not be need in your situation, but like said I am knowledgeable. But Your Def in the right place. someone on this site is going through your or has gone through yr same path..If I can help in any way message me. Be Proud, Stay safe and Kick Ass

Oh HRT has worked well for me. I have a picture of my birth mom (her sister adopted me and my adopted mom is the one that took me in for the surgery as a baby) from about ten years ago and I look like her clone. Almost exactly like her. I did not when I was pre-HRT. So it's worked very well. And I've progressed up from 40B to 40DD and I don't think they're done. A combination of my situation being intersex and with my family's genetics for this seems to be why.

Overall my birth mom has been amazing with my entire journey. The most supportive person in my family by far. No one ever told her about the intersex situation when I was born (she was a minor at the time) but she knew things were odd and always thought I was supposed to be a girl and even had a name picked out. Coincidentally it was the exact same one I picked entirely on my own so it made that much more perfect. So it did not come as a surprise when I told her. And she says that the intersex situation explains a lot and she's angry she wasn't told the truth either. She was fed the same lies I was, like it was for allergies or ear problems (which my current doctors confirm never existed).  It's been great to reconnect with her and have her back me up.

[Maid In Bedlam]

Well whatever your situation or status.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

I dont think we have many Intersex / trans persons in the same sentence or same pair of pants so to speak so it will be great to hear your points of view on many topics.

 

 

I look forwald to reading your posts.

 

MIB

[Emma Jane]

Just now, Maid In Bedlam said:

Well whatever your situation or status.

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

I dont think we have many Intersex / trans persons in the same sentence or same pair of pants so to speak so it will be great to hear your points of view on many topics.

 

 

I look forwald to reading your posts.

 

MIB

Oh yeah. I totally understand that. I had to put some real thought into it. Since I was forcibly assigned male and my mom tried her hardest to make sure I grew up male, I still have to go through the process of transitioning to female. So I feel the label still applies. I know it's not how everyone who has some kind of intersex condition feels but we all have our own individual experiences.

[TommieAnne]

Emma, welcome to the forum. Really... welcome.

I'm sure you will make a valuable contribution to the community.

[Maid In Bedlam]

10 minutes ago, Emma Jane said:

Oh yeah. I totally understand that. I had to put some real thought into it. Since I was forcibly assigned male and my mom tried her hardest to make sure I grew up male, I still have to go through the process of transitioning to female. So I feel the label still applies. I know it's not how everyone who has some kind of intersex condition feels but we all have our own individual experiences.

 

Fairs goes to you Emma. Respect.

 

I think its great and you are very brave to have all those things going on and still come out on top.

 

I can relate to your situation a little. However as far as i know im not intersexed and like you have never had a chromzone check. Mainly because i do not know if i want to know. XX or XY Who cares? As long as im beautiful

 

I do really look forwald to reading your posts and comments. Its a diffrent perspective and thats awesome.

 

 

 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome Emma.  Transition with all of the bureaucratic and emotional obstacles is difficult enough.  I'm sure you are having even more emotional pain.  I'm glad you've found us here.  This group is good at supporting others in their journeys.  One way we do that is sharing our stories.  Thank you for sharing yours.

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Dear Emma, welcome to the forum.  As you've seen we're a friendly group and I hope to see you around.   You've got a unique situation that you seem to be managing.  Good for you.

 

Cheers, Jani 

[Ellora]

Hi! And Welcome! Happy that you are staying strong in your Journey! HRT is a great thing and I hope it continues to help. 

[Astrid]

Hi, Emma, and welcome!

 

I'm fairly certain that there are well-written articles that can help explain the variants of intersex traits that can exist, and the difficulties that intersex people face.  (I know, because I recall reading such an article perhaps six months ago; I just can't recall it at the moment, lol).

However, perhaps something like that might be helpful if shared with family members who aren't currently receptive to your situation.  

 

With best wishes,

 

Astrid