Just a little update

[JustineM]

@ShawnaLeigh I can’t take credit for the hair lol. Nature has provided rather thin coverage for me. I’m using a wig that I got for less than $10 on Wish. Surprised how decent it looks given how cheap it was. 
I’ll have to try that Tracy, thanks for the tip. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, JustineM said:

@ShawnaLeigh I can’t take credit for the hair lol. Nature has provided rather thin coverage for me. I’m using a wig that I got for less than $10 on Wish. Surprised how decent it looks given how cheap it was. 
I’ll have to try that Tracy, thanks for the tip. 

What?!?!   I couldn’t tell.  Lol

wow I am still so clueless.  

[JustineM]

So this is something I’ve been meaning to do for a while. 
warning long possibly rambling post 

 

My transition journey

 

I’ve always known I was different, even as a kid I didn’t like playing typical “boy” stuff. I enjoyed playing house and with other girls barbies with them. Always been a loner and withdrawn. As a kid I would swipe my sisters clothes and wear them at night or when I was home alone. I would invariably get caught, grounded, lectured and feel humiliated. But a couple days later I would do it again.  It ended up my Mom said she couldn’t handle me and sent my to live with my Dad. Even in an all male environment I would still find ways to dress when I could. Just with Dad I didn’t get caught as much. In high school I first started having thoughts that made me think I might be at least bi-curious. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with a guy, I’ve just never had the courage or opportunity to explore it. I kinda doubt I ever will since I am happily married now.  Fast forward a couple years, I tried to enlist in the Army at the end of high school; I was sent to Ft Sill for basic and failed.  (For the record I apparently can’t run for $)-t) After getting sent home I managed to nearly convince myself I was “normal” I had the urges to CD less and acted on them even more rarely.  Started working in EMS and met (and married) my wife. We have to wonderful little hellions that I love dearly. From the time we were married up til about maybe 2 years ago I had nearly zero urges and never cross dressed.  Then it all started again after meeting several dear friends and long lost family that where all LGBT+. For some reason it brought it all back to the front and I started cross dressing again when I had the chance. I should note that up to this point I really had no idea what gender dysphoria or transgender even was. Until one of my sisters called me one day to tell me she thought she might be FTM trans. 

I started researching to better understand what she was dealing with and it made the lightbulb click in my head. That was me as well.  She was since decided that she is not trans just a lesbian. Which ever way she is still living her life and is an awesome person.  But thanks to her, I now had a name for my feelings, more research and a rather deep conversation with a very dear lesbian friend, and I finally accepted that is was the wrong gender. I started looking for little ways that I could deal with this without being obvious or letting my wife know because I was terrified of what her reaction would be. Needless to say it never worked and finally I told her last year. She isn’t exactly happy about it but she has said she wants to make it work. Even if/when I get GCS. I came out to a very small close group of friends who have been amazingly supportive. My wife has bought me some clothes that I generally wear around the house, but I have left to the grocery store twice now made up and dressed. (Both times wearing the same skirt I just realized) I’ve also been lucky enough that my friends daughter has been giving me some makeup lessons, she is amazing with makeup and just an amazing person in general. I have an appointment to start seeing a therapist next month,also I’ve talked to my endocrinologist and primary dr about my dysphoria. I’ve been taken off testosterone replacement in preparation for HRT when I get to that point. 

 

There are times where I will question wether I am doing the right thing or is it just some product of a twisted mind, then I’ll be dressed and called miss or ma’am and it just feels.... right. I feel more complete than I do in my male body. Having the softer, hair free skin makes me feel good. So I do know I am on the right path. While I don’t like the overweight hairy body I’m in, I am taking the necessary steps to remedy that. I have faith that I will get to where I want to be. 

[JustineM]

I’m not sure how to feel about this.  I was told by a friend today that I’m a prettier woman than my wife. I’m not sure wether to be flattered or upset on my wife’s behalf. 

[Jani]

Oh I hope your wife never hears that.  Your response could be "no we're different and difference is good".

 

The friend probably meant it to be a compliment that you look feminine.  

[JustineM]

So I’ve been having a good chuckle at a friends expense. We have one of those friendly-insult kind of friendships. Lately he keeps referring to me as “young lady” and “princess.” I’m only grinning and thinking “if only you knew” lol

[JustineM]

Had a funny today. I use rice and pantyhose for breast forms. Well this morning I accidentally put them in with the knot side out so it looked like I was very... cold all day. My wife pointed it out just a couple hours ago. 

[ToniTone]

Heh! So your wife just "left you hangin'" all day... Lol!

[Lexi C]

well glad you have turn the corner from 2months ago.You sound so much happier and free now,,congrats...Stay Safe

[ShawnaLeigh]

3 hours ago, JustineM said:

Had a funny today. I use rice and pantyhose for breast forms. Well this morning I accidentally put them in with the knot side out so it looked like I was very... cold all day. My wife pointed it out just a couple hours ago. 

This is so funny.  I can not believe you did not get more attention from “others”.  Nipples seem to be that one thing that still seems taboo.  
 

[JustineM]

9 hours ago, ToniTone said:

Heh! So your wife just "left you hangin'" all day... Lol!

Yeah she did. She definitely has a mischievous side lol

 

8 hours ago, Alex C said:

well glad you have turn the corner from 2months ago.You sound so much happier and free now,,congrats...Stay Safe

 

Thank you. I definitely feel a lot more confident about it. And definitely a lot happier

[Lexi C]

thumbs up emoji 

[JustineM]

My wife had a minor breakdown over my transitioning the other day. Said at times she feels like she’s in competition with me over clothes and being feminine. I THINK I managed to calm that down at least for now. We also discussed me broadening the horizon of who knows. I called my biological dad today intending to bring it up.... but I chickened out. Oh well, just need to cinch up my bra strap and try again soon.

[JustineM]

Not so good a day today. Just feeling really down and dysphoric. I’ll be ok, just blah. Took a soaking bath and shaved, guess I just need to get some sleep and face tomorrow with a new attitude.

[Lexi C]

Hope your having a better day today JM. Keep taking baby steps. much lv

[JustineM]

Wow! It has been a rough couple of days. Between the protests and family deciding that it would be a good time to come and visit.... Had a close call with the protests, had the demonstrators show up on the street I was on a couple blocks from me. I was working and I didn’t know my truck could move that fast lol. 
 

Family visit, my biological mom said I look happier than she’s seen me in a long while. The rest of the visit was, not good. Blah ?.  But everyone is home and we are relaxing now.

[JustineM]

So for Father’s Day next week I was given a small Amazon shopping spree. Ordered a new skirt and a pair of breast forms. The forms are a Prime order so I should have them day after tomorrow. I have to wait for the skirt until the end of next week. ? I will have to post some pics of the new skirt when it comes.