Weird interaction at a bar

[Lucca]

I’m an MTF transgender woman in my mid-twenties, I started hormones a few months ago and have been planning to transition for well over a year, and have been out to several friends and gone out publicly in girl-mode with them for about a month. I’m also sexually attracted to women, which may or may not be relevant. With that background info out of the way, I had a very bizarre experience yesterday that I wanted to get some opinions on.

 

I was hanging out at a “barcade” (bar with retro arcade game cabinets) with a very good cis female friend last night. She’s been extremely warm and helpful to me since I came out, giving me advice and encouragement, going shopping with me, and accompanying me in public while in girl-mode. I’ve been afraid of going out as a woman alone in these early days, so it’s been a huge help that she’s been around to be my social wingman so I don’t feel so out of place, and so I’m not alone in case anything bad goes down. I’m 6’3” tall, not super feminine in build (though not super masculine either, I don’t think, just sort of “box-shaped”), hormones have not completed all their work yet, my voice is a work in progress, and I’m not getting fancy with makeup at this stage, so I definitely don’t pass. However, this particular night, I was wearing a skirt, leggings, slightly padded bra, feminine jacket, long (real) hair, a purse, and makeup that covered my beard shadow pretty well, so most people looking at me would probably get the hint that I’m trying to be read as a woman. Here’s a play-by-play of what happened, remember that it took place really fast and I was constantly confused about what was going on.

 

My friend had been by my side most of the night, but she left to go register for karaoke and to get another drink, so I was alone on the other side of the bar for a few minutes. While glancing around me, I notice that about ten feet away is a cute girl I’ve never seen before who seems to be getting cuddly with a guy at the bar, who I presume is her boyfriend. Some thirty seconds later, this same girl notices me and says my outfit looks nice. I thank her, genuinely happy that someone complimented my appearance and feeling good about myself. Then, some ten seconds later, she leaves the bar and comes up to me by herself, and starts talking to me, asking my name, saying I look nice, stuff like that.

 

While doing this, she gets really close to me, and starts bumping into me. In another few seconds she moves forward, gets on her tiptoes to move her head further up (she’s a lot shorter than me), and starts putting her arms around me. Extremely confused, I thought she was trying to kiss me, so I back away a bit and say “What are you doing?” She says “I’m trying to hug you,” and proceeds to give me a quick hug, despite me already having backed away a couple inches. Then she asks about the arcade game we’re standing next to, and asks to play it with me.

 

Very uncomfortable at this point and not knowing what to do, I say yes. While we take turns playing, she keeps complimenting my ability, exaggeratedly going “Wow!” and stuff like that every time I do something simple in the game, while quickly dying every time it’s her turn; she clearly does not seem to actually be invested in the game and wants to be there for me for some reason. She also keeps edging closer and bumping me with her hips, while I back away a bit each time she does. (The guy she was with at the bar is still where he was sitting before, so I presume he can see what’s happening.)

 

After what feels like an eternity but must have been less than three or four minutes, my friend finally comes back, introduces herself to the girl, and then after some brief introductory conversation between the two of them, some other friend of the girl comes to her and says they have a table on the other side of the bar, so they both say goodbye and walk away with the guy that the girl was cuddling with initially. I talk to my friend briefly about what was going on, and neither of us can figure what the girl was doing. We could only come up with three options:

1. She clocked me as a trans woman and decided to try being supportive. I’m not sure why someone would think that immediately trying to embrace a stranger and repeatedly touching them while they back away is supportive, but who knows.

2. She (and possibly the guy she was with) clocked me as a trans woman and decided to try to mess with me and make me uncomfortable.

3. She thought I was attractive and was trying to (very badly) flirt with me, even though she was in full view of someone who appeared to be her boyfriend who presumably saw the whole thing. Weird, but maybe they have an open relationship.

Any thoughts? I mean, it was inappropriate any way you slice it; if a man did this to a cis woman, it would be called sexual harassment. She was either beyond clueless to not see that I did not want her attention, or she was intentionally being mean.

[Dev]

I'm thinking "weird" is an understatement.  Hard to say what her intentions were, but I think she was either plastered or socially tone deaf.  Or both.  And she wouldn't have gotten that close if she wanted to give you a hard time, I'm guessing.

[Krisvm]

Yeah this is weird. From my experience I would say either 1 or 3 are most likely but in a socially inept way. I have had people try to flirt weirdly with me (even though I am wearing a wedding ring) but also people going out of the way to be super supportive in ways that make me uncomfortable. 

[Susan R]

I've seen some pretty odd things in bars when people are severely intoxicated and I have to agree with Krisvm...1 or 3 and I lean more toward 3 of Dev's suggestions.

[Lucca]

I'm not certain if she was drunk or not. She didn't seem drunk, but then, I'm not necessarily great at telling.

[Jackie C.]

Yeah, I'd go with three. That sounds very much like drunken flirting to me. Maybe she's just into tall girls?0

[NB Adult]

I experienced something similar several years ago. I was dancing and enjoying a drink or two at a trans friendly gay bar in Seattle. Suddenly a rather attractive CIS woman steps forward and begins dancing with me, she was with a straight guy who was sitting in the background with his drink and watching us. She surprised me by taking her top off exposing some attractive boobs supported in a really nice black lace bra. I immediately stopped, sat her down and pulled her top on over her head. I shot a quick glance at the guy who seemed to be amused by what was going on. I assumed that the woman had been given ecstasy, so I took her by the hand and told the guy to take her home asap. I can be very intimidating and they put their jackets on and left. I had the shakes afterward, probably from an adrenaline overload and shock at what had happened. I am sure that the fellow had put her up to it to see what kind of reaction she'd get from an obvious trans woman. I think my reaction wasn't what he expected.

[Josie Beth]

They might have been unicorn hunting and trying to hook up with you because you are trans. That’s actually a thing.

[NB Adult]

47 minutes ago, Josie Beth said:

They might have been unicorn hunting and trying to hook up with you because you are trans. That’s actually a thing.

 

Whatever their motives were it went right over my head! 

[ToniTone]

I would say most likely 3, she was (perhaps drunkenly) into you. All the moves you describe seem flirty. I've never had a cis female support me with exaggeratedly close hip-body contact. Hugs and exaggerated complimenting yes (which cis women do for other cis women as well mind you), but not out of the way from across the room to a stranger. I guess you can't rule out 2, it's good to be cautious, but I read flirting. 

 

Mind you I was never much of a bar goer. 

 

~Toni

[Lucca]

I dunno, not to sound like I have no self-esteem, but I can't imagine how someone could be that attracted to me that they come on to me that aggressively just from a glimpse across the room. That's the kind of attention I expect people who look like supermodels to get. Before this, I've never had a girl come up and start flirting with me even once in my entire life.

[NB Adult]

There's a first time for everything!

[Jani]

No, her male companion was there watching from afar.  It was No. 2 no doubt.  They were messing with you.  Please be careful when you're out and about.    

[ToniTone]

Yeah, when u put it that way Lucca, I think Jani is right about it being number 2 most likely. And I second that, stay alert and safe. 

 

~Toni

[Lucca]

7 hours ago, Josie Beth said:

They might have been unicorn hunting and trying to hook up with you because you are trans. That’s actually a thing.

Hmm, I didn't even think about them wanting a threesome, but you might be right. I've never heard of looking for a "third" be called "unicorn hunting" before, but if it's really as common an annoyance for some people as it apparently is, I can see why this derogative term has sprung up around the phenomena. I usually think of this sort of thing happening with super attractive cis lesbians, but I guess an obvious trans woman could fit the bill too.

 

There was definitely something skeevy about this; it's just beyond strange that someone would leave their apparent SO at the bar and start aggressively coming on to me while their SO is still in view. Really makes me think that the guy was in on it somehow.

[tracy_j]

Call me cynical but I would say being careful either of her being intoxicated / drugged or distracting you so she or her partner can pickpocket or similar. Spontaneous hugs do happen but body language communication usually comes first.

 

Tracy