Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A year's worth of T


reyindium

Recommended Posts

Well it is finally happening. I changed doctors to one at the lgbt clinic in the capital and she gave me an Rx for T my very first appointment. There was no fuss, no redtape, no gatekeeping, no anything. She just asked if I wanted to start right away. Then she sent in the pharmacist to review the medication and injection process with me.

I am so overwhelmingly excited and happy to finally be at this point. At times, I still question why it has taken me so long to get here, to do this, to accept myself. I have actively wanted to medically transition since before I met my husband but fear always held me back.

 

I'm 29 and I've been with my spouse 10 years. We chose to have a child together in that time. We are such a happy little family. He doesn't understand how I can be so happy with him and our life, but unhappy with myself. To be fair, it's hard to describe being happy and loving your life while simultaneously wanting to crawl out of the meat sack your trapped in. He's given his blessings for me to start T but bluntly admitted that he believes he will fall out of love with me when my voice drops, I grow facial hair, etc. In the same breath he says he wants me to be happy but he doesn't like guys and doesn't want to be with one. I remind him that he's been with one the entire time and his reply is "I didn't know that. We didn't walk down the aisle in tuxes together"--and that hurt. 

He says again and again he thinks he's holding me back and he doesn't want to do that.

Ironically, I'm walking the path of change and completion I've always yearned for, but I'm still facing a long-term conundrum; sacrificing my life to save my life, if that makes sense. 

 

I don't want to divorce, I don't want to split assets, I don't want one or both of us to move out, I don't want to break up our family, I don't want to lose what I have. But I don't want to live a lie.

 

I'm starting T. 
And I have no idea what's going to happen to my life now.

But if and when things start crashing and burning around me, at least I'll go down authentically.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

First congratulations on the doctor change and getting T.  I can see you are excited.  

 

As to your spouse, he loves you and the life you have together and doesn't want it to end but he's afraid.  The best thing now it to continue talking.  I think it is harder for men to come to terms with this as society is so masculine-centric.  I don't know what the answer is other than it will work out one way or another.  Possibly if you lived in a different state (or locality) that was more open and accepting things would be different.  Keep talking.

Jani  

Link to comment

My wife has said similar things regarding us. How she married a man, she doesn’t want a lesbian relationship. We are still currently together. I am hoping by slowing things down a bit and giving her time to accept and understand I’m still me, we will remain together. Only time will tell. I hope the best for you. 
 

*hugs*

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Jani said:

First congratulations on the doctor change and getting T.  I can see you are excited.  

 

As to your spouse, he loves you and the life you have together and doesn't want it to end but he's afraid.  The best thing now it to continue talking.  I think it is harder for men to come to terms with this as society is so masculine-centric.  I don't know what the answer is other than it will work out one way or another.  Possibly if you lived in a different state (or locality) that was more open and accepting things would be different.  Keep talking.

Jani  

Thank you for your response. We are both doing our best to compromise during this process so we can preserve the relationship.

Link to comment
15 hours ago, SaraAW said:

My wife has said similar things regarding us. How she married a man, she doesn’t want a lesbian relationship. We are still currently together. I am hoping by slowing things down a bit and giving her time to accept and understand I’m still me, we will remain together. Only time will tell. I hope the best for you. 
 

*hugs*

Wow, you sound like you have the exact same thing going on. I'm also trying not to overwhelm my partner. It is a very slow process but I can see a little improvement since this summer. He backtracks a lot though.

I'm hoping the hormones don't do anything crazily immediate and that the changes happen gradually, as to allow him to adjust. But I realize there is no guarantee of that. Best wishes to you and yours.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 186 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • AllieJ
    • SamC
    • Ivy
    • Pip
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Over here muttering about "a new Jim Crow against a persecuted minority."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Rants are not a problem.  My favorite hobby! :)   What's out there is bad enough that I wonder why some people feel they need to embellish it.  Be alert.   Some of this will need to be fought in court if they try to implement it. If people are out to get me, paranoia is justified.  And this may not be the only document.   Abby
    • Ivy
      Not in so many words, therefore it's not there at all.  Excuse my paranoia. And the states passing laws against us are nothing to worry about either. Having to change my gender back to male (like in Florida) is reasonable.  I should just accept it, I mean I was born with a dk.  So that "F" is lie, and a fraud.  My delusions need to be dealt with for my own good.   I'm just frustrated these days.  Just a bit of a rant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You probably remember the Target PR fiasco.  I remember reading an account from a woman who shopped there.  She went into a stall and did her business, and someone came into the bathroom and began swinging stall doors open, and when she came to her stall, the woman peeked at her through the crack. "What are you doing?" "Checking for perverts." The writer was so stunned by the absurdity that she finished up ASAP and got out of there, while the other woman entered a stall and locked it, made sure it was locked, and locked it again. 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good day.Cleaned my closet of clothes that I do not wear anymore and do not fit me.It looks better now.Came down to my newest property beside mine,owner passed and I inherited it.There was a double wide there that was removed,it was in bad shape.It is the shop part I am keeping which I got the tools,shop equipment,benches,hoists and shelving too.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Nothing about eradicating TG folk. 
    • Ivy
      If 9 out of 10 parts are ok, that doesn't mean I need to accept the bad parts (that are aimed directly at me).  That seems suicidal.
    • Ivy
      True, most of it has nothing to do directly with us.  It's the parts that do that are the problem.   I see the  few problematic statements as being a big problem.  Just because a lot of it may be okay, doesn't change that. Even supposing the rest of it might be good for the country, it doesn't help me if I'm being "eradicated".  I suppose I should be good with that, because it's for the "greater good".  If me being gone would please a number of people, then it's my civic duty to disappear, and vote to implement that.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  There are already laws against assault.  I don't think the overwhelming majority of trans women have any desire to harass cis women.  Speaking for myself, if I go into a women's washroom, it's because my eyeballs are already floating - not for kicks.  And I worry about getting clocked and assaulted by some guy being a "hero."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Only three, maybe four, sections even mention transgender.  Most is a conservative agenda I have no problem with.   In the sections that mention transgender, there are very few lines.  Those lines ARE problematic, in every case. Unequivocally.  I can't see some of them standing up in court.  In one case a recommended policy goes against a court decision, which strongly suggests the implementation of that policy would be stopped in court.    Anyone maintaining that this is written simply to support Trump, to support him becoming a dictator, to crush transgender people is feeding you a line.  Nor is it an attempt to erase transgender people.   People will have to decide if the overall goals are worth the few problematic statements.  Overall, I support it.  Of course, I have some reservations.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It is unfamiliar, therefore threatening.   For 90% or so of the population, gender id can be simply and quickly determined by a quick anatomical observation.  They have no understanding and cannot imagine what it would mean to have a body different from the id.  It is unimaginable.  Therefore, wrong.   So there is this strong headwind.   I haven't entered this discussion, but here is a script: A: I can't imagine what it must be to have TG. B: You're a man, right? A: Well, of course. "amused" B: Imagine you were required by law and custom to wear women's clothing all the time. A: It wouldn't happen. B: Okay, but for the sake of the argument... A: That would be disgusting.  I would be very uncomfortable. B: You have it.  That is what TG people go through all the time. 24-7-365. A: Really? B: And then they are told they are perverts for having those feelings.  The same you just described. A: I see. B: And someone comes along and tells you you need conversion therapy so you will be comfortable wearing women's clothing all the time. A: I think I would break his nose. B: You understand transgender folk better than you think.
    • EasyE
      I have found some people correlate TG = child predator ... just as some have correlated homosexual = child predator...    I am baffled by the TG = unsafe connection ... my wife tends to think this way, that this is all about sexual deviancy ... I try to ask how my preference for wearing frilly socks with embroidered flowers and a comfortable camisole under my lavender T-shirts is sexually deviant (or sexual anything) but I don't get very far... 
    • EasyE
      Best wishes to you as you take this step ... many blessings to you! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Not sure.  The perp is a minor.  The problem here is NOT transgender, the problem here is incompetent and criminal administration.  See https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/family-of-loudoun-co-student-sexually-assaulted-ineptitude-of-all-involved-is-staggering/3231725/ It is more than annoying that people think the problem here is TG and that other people think the solution is some stupid statewide law.  Like an appendectomy to deal with an ingrown toe nail.    Since Loudon, I recall a boy was asked not to use the girl's restroom at a high school by one of the girls.  He, overwhelming her with height and weight,  assaulted her, claiming he had a right to be there.   Later I think eight girls beat him severely in another girl's restroom.  Again the problem is not transgender, the problem is assaults in restrooms and common courtesy.  TG is used as a smokescreen and it seems to paralyze thought among administrators who do not want to do anything to provoke controversy.
    • VickySGV
      Time to get with your Primary Care doctor and be referred to a neurologist or an orthopedist.  It could be many things, too many for any of us here to guess at. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...