Mental state on HRT

[Lucca]

I've always heard transgender women say they start having mood swings, become more emotional, and often cry more or have more trouble holding back tears when they begin taking estrogen. I've had the exact opposite happen, I used to be an emotional wreck, have huge mood swings, get sad or stressed very easily, and cry or be on the verge of tears uncomfortably often. Now, my state of mind is way more stable, and I'm much more able to approach difficult life events than I used to be. Things that used to send me into a dysfunctional depressed state I can now just shrug off and deal with in a constructive way. This all happened while I was still in the closet to everyone except medical professionals, my sister who I live with, and people on online message boards, and I didn't present as female in public or even with my sister very often, so no one was really treating me as anything other than cis man yet. This drastic improvement in my mood and mental stability seems to have stemmed from only estradiol and spironolactone. I was expecting to have more trouble adjusting, but was very pleasantly surprised.

 

What are some of your experiences with mental changes after going on hormones, whether E or T? Anything unexpected?

[NB Adult]

When I went on E many years ago my brain took a sharp turn to the female side, in a way it was almost embarrassing how easily I boo-hooed over things I would formerly have considered stupid. After awhile my brain centered and normalized a bit, in spite of thinking about female things and fussing over how I looked and what I was going to wear. Never did I change my clothes several times a day prior to that. I always tell newbys that going on hormones becomes a fast ride in a car without breaks, it is in a sense addictive. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

Yes I noticed emotional changes first.  I would tear up on movies I never had before.  Had a hard time dealing with anything overly emotional. Felt stress a lot deeper and even felt hot water in the shower way hotter then before.  Couldn’t just turn it on all the way up.    For a time I even felt attraction towards men.  Something I never did before nor do now.  
 

[Jackie C.]

Heck yes. It snuck (snuck isn't in the word lexicon, weird) up on me because it didn't happen all at once. I usually describe it as the difference between seeing the world in black and white versus full color. There is more nuance in my emotions and when I feel something strongly, it's more likely to be compassion than rage. It kind of shaved the hard edges off my emotional palette and my feelings are both calmer and closer to the surface if that makes sense. It's harder to move me to anger in general, but easier for me to get riled up when someone close to me is mistreated and when I get there, well, the last time it happened I scared myself. I cry much easier. Part of that might be social conditioning. Girls are allowed to cry. I laugh easier, though that might just be living without the depression. My emotions are more nuanced. Some of them don't have names in English. I blame the patriarchy for that. In general, my emotional state is more level, but the peaks and valleys are higher or lower.

 

I turned into a total chatterbox. I need to communicate with the people close to me in a way I never did before. My communication skills in general have improved. I'm more outgoing than I was. I'm still an introvert, but I'm more likely to talk to strangers, I try to give everyone a smile and a hello. Being around other people doesn't drain me as fast as it used to. I also make friends a lot easier but again, that could be living without the depression.

 

I'm more empathic (which is also not in the word lexicon). If something is wrong, or I perceive something is wrong, I need to get to the bottom of it. It will poke at me if I don't. I care deeply about how others feel and I need to make it better if they're sad, angry or disappointing. I'm probably annoying.

 

I developed a certain vanity for my appearance. Susan's called me out on being fussy about my hair. I've never before in my life had the need for more than a single pair of shoes. Now I have shoes and outfits for occasions. While I usually default to jeans and a t-shirt (or today, my cute sweater, it's cold) I like to dress nice when I'm going to be out of the house. That's completely new. I'm also more focused on how clean my environment is. I still hate cleaning, but it's much easier to get me up and working on it now. It bugs me when things are out of place. It has to be fixed.

 

I think "Swings" would be more likely with injectables. I take the same HRT drugs at the same doses every day. Something where I was injected with a bunch of HRT drugs all at once and it slowly faded over thirty days seems like it would cause mood swings roughly comparable with a cis woman's monthly cycle. Also, mileage may vary based on genetics. Susan's mood swings were never all that bad.

 

So yeah, some changes to the way I move through the world. I think they're positive though. I've never felt more like myself.

 

Hugs!

[Lucca]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

There is more nuance in my emotions and when I feel something strongly, it's more likely to be compassion than rage.

 

I'm more like this too now. I used to get so angry about socially conservative bigotry I couldn't see straight when presented with it, I can actually tolerate it enough now that listening to some congressman go off on LGBT people doesn't ruin my mood for an entire day.

[Jackie C.]

41 minutes ago, Lucca said:

 

I'm more like this too now. I used to get so angry about socially conservative bigotry I couldn't see straight when presented with it, I can actually tolerate it enough now that listening to some congressman go off on LGBT people doesn't ruin my mood for an entire day.

 

Oh, I still have an angry flare for that, but you're right, it doesn't ruin my whole day.

 

Hugs!