When you think your have a direction then..,.,

[ShawnaLeigh]

...then your invited to your wife’s room for an afternoon of sex.  For hours. I’m not going to kiss n tell but it was fabulous. It was loving and special and tender  It was also mostly lesbian sex.  (-what the heck-). 
Talk about giving confusing signals.  

Just when she has me resolved to eventually moving out due to “not wanting to be a lesbian In our marriage ” I get an afternoon like this.  
I don’t need confusion right now.  Mixed signals.  I have no idea why or if she is just trying it to see or what.  
For me  It is boiling down to she does not want me if I’m going to be the true me.  Which makes me very hurt and very angry.  Spurring on my pride to just end it.  But I won’t.  Not yet.  
Im not ready financially to go out on my own.  
Aaashhhhhrrrgggg.  I feel trapped.  

[TommieAnne]

Hug.

Maybe something will open a path in time.

[SaraAW]

I totally get how confusing this can be. This may have been an attempt on her part to explore possibilities. As much as she says she won’t enter into a lesbian relationship, this could have been a trial run to see if indeed she could make it work.  It could also be many other things, maybe trying to tempt you to stay in the closet or maybe she was feeling very lonely and needed some comfort.
 

I can’t imagine the current times being any less confusing for her, than it is for you.  I would suggest continuing to talk with her, ask her about this and what it meant for her and you. 
 

Maybe it will soon be time for couples therapy to help work through some of this together. 
 

I wish I had some other advice, but I’m pretty much in the same boat and am just trying to let time soften some of the raw emotion. Not reading into everything that happens in the meantime is so hard. 
 

*hugs*

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

I totally get how confusing this can be. This may have been an attempt on her part to explore possibilities. As much as she says she won’t enter into a lesbian relationship, this could have been a trial run to see if indeed she could make it work.  It could also be many other things, maybe trying to tempt you to stay in the closet or maybe she was feeling very lonely and needed some comfort.
 

I can’t imagine the current times being any less confusing for her, than it is for you.  I would suggest continuing to talk with her, ask her about this and what it meant for her and you. 
 

Maybe it will soon be time for couples therapy to help work through some of this together. 
 

I wish I had some other advice, but I’m pretty much in the same boat and am just trying to let time soften some of the raw emotion. Not reading into everything that happens in the meantime is so hard. 
 

*hugs*

I thought about it all a lot last night.  Laying awake not able to let my brain shut down and let me sleep.  This has me up all night many nights running every little thing through my mind trying to figure out what to do or think.  I think maybe she is trying to see a new alternative to her original statement of  "if your going to be women, a lesbian, I can not stay married to you".  Perhaps.  I'm not sure yet.  I will just see how things go and take them day by day.

My friend here NB Adult, gave me some tough love in Toni post. (sorry Toni for hijacking your thread).  Her advice to look at myself before blaming her is quite spot on.  I am getting caught up in what it is for me and loosing sight on how it effects her too.  What the entire marriage is to me now vs when we first starting living together.  Time definitely has changed the way I think and feel.  NB Adult is correct in saying the things she said to me in Toni's post.  I may even look at marriage is a convenience to being able to live like I want to.  To not being alone.  Security. Im not saying that I do not love my wife but I also have never been able to truly be my self and I don't know what that means still.  I don't know exactly what I want or don't want still.  

Now I will say I do not post everything about myself and my marriage.  Like some may think.  There is a lot that happens, or had happened, behind closed doors in our marriage well beyond my current coming out to her that effects us both.  Effects how we both think and feel about our marriage.  I can say I was trying to get past the shock and awe early in my reveal of loosing her and everything in my life, at her request, and now it seems she may be having a change of heart.  Time will tell.

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I thought about it all a lot last night.  Laying awake not able to let my brain shut down and let me sleep.  This has me up all night many nights running every little thing through my mind trying to figure out what to do or think.  I think maybe she is trying to see a new alternative to her original statement of  "if your going to be women, a lesbian, I can not stay married to you".  Perhaps.  I'm not sure yet.  I will just see how things go and take them day by day.

My friend here NB Adult, gave me some tough love in Toni post. (sorry Toni for hijacking your thread).  Her advice to look at myself before blaming her is quite spot on.  I am getting caught up in what it is for me and loosing sight on how it effects her too.  What the entire marriage is to me now vs when we first starting living together.  Time definitely has changed the way I think and feel.  NB Adult is correct in saying the things she said to me in Toni's post.  I may even look at marriage is a convenience to being able to live like I want to.  To not being alone.  Security. Im not saying that I do not love my wife but I also have never been able to truly be my self and I don't know what that means still.  I don't know exactly what I want or don't want still.  

Now I will say I do not post everything about myself and my marriage.  Like some may think.  There is a lot that happens, or had happened, behind closed doors in our marriage well beyond my current coming out to her that effects us both.  Effects how we both think and feel about our marriage.  I can say I was trying to get past the shock and awe early in my reveal of loosing her and everything in my life, at her request, and now it seems she may be having a change of heart.  Time will tell.

I can relate to trying to sleep but the brain's little engine running and running...

Sometimes we try to find solutions for things that only time will cure.

My own situation - and it seems quite a few others - is similarly complex. If I'm away from her house for many days, she gets desperately lonely. So it may just be that the convenience shoe fits on more than one foot!

Is my circumstance, in which I have a female "partner" but remain unmarried, one of convenience? Absolutely. But when feelings become intertwined, things seldom come down to simple transactions.

It wouldn't surprise me to find that your wife stared into the abyss of being alone and thought "wait a minute!"

[ShawnaLeigh]

Well I clearly have a lot more to work with my therapist to understand myself and what my life is and what it is turning into.  Unfortunately my life effects others which makes it difficult to just pick a "road" and travel down it at Mach2.  I do not want to throw anything away, especially if its worth saving.  But I'm at a point where I am questioning this.  I've been her before and have lived through very hard divorces.  I know once you cross a point your mind starts to make itself up before you are ready.  A defense mechanism of sorts. 

However, coming to common ground with her does seem possible to me.  I am still not sure if it ever will be that way for her.  Yes she has changed a LOT since I came out to her and our original statements don't seem to be holding firm like they seemed that night.  I know this will all take time but she still remains firm about this one thing, "once I start presenting full female in public.  That is the point where our relationship will start on different paths".  She said this to me just last night after a wonderful weekend together.

I understand her point of view and feelings on this.  I do.  She is who she is and she respects me for the same.  I truly believe this.  However it does give me that little bit of a pinch in my heart knowing she can have this limit to where she can discard me as a spouse and just start being my friend only.  I have a hard time wrapping me head and heart around this one point she keeps saying.  However nice she is being now, accepting, kind, and even using the proper pronoun's she still has this limit she will not cross.  That hurts.  It makes me want to pull away before it gets any further.  We are both not getting any younger..

But I am waiting to see what develops and see what my therapist has to say.  

I'm in no hurry to move out by no means, ruin what seems to be "working" for now but I definitely do not want to keep her life on hold either.