Feeling hopeless when i should be hopeful

[Hellothere]

I got my first binders, which i cant even express my happiness on. I feel better and more free. My only problem is that im just.. not flat enough. I mean i didnt think it was gonna be 100% flat but i thought it would be better than this. (I have 2 gc2b binders and 1 underworks binder). Along with that my mother agreed to get me a haircut, im gonna have short hair (side note:any hair tips?) but im worried ill just look butch or feminine.

 

on top of that, at my therapist visit, my mother explained how shes worried i'll wanna transition because she got me binders. So theres no hope there.

 

sorry im difficult but if i ever manage to convince my mother to let me transition, will wearing binders and cutting hair before hand make it harder. Like i wouldnt change anything but my name and pro nouns.

idk if that makes any sense but its a fear.

once again sorry for all the questions-

Cody

[OliverPerry]

1 hour ago, Hellothere said:

I got my first binders, which i cant even express my happiness on. I feel better and more free. My only problem is that im just.. not flat enough. I mean i didnt think it was gonna be 100% flat but i thought it would be better than this. (I have 2 gc2b binders and 1 underworks binder). Along with that my mother agreed to get me a haircut, im gonna have short hair (side note:any hair tips?) but im worried ill just look butch or feminine.

 

 

Brilliant, mate!

My gc2b will arrive soon. I'm excited myself.

 

The not flat enough issue is terrible though... 

I got mine from gc2b because many people on the internet were saying they were the best. 

I thought they would work 100%... Guess not...

Do you think you can still pass as boobless though? With a not that tight t-shirt for example? 

 

I'm gonna cut my hair soon too. (my profile pic is old so don't be fooled) 

The worry to appear butch or feminine is quite understandable.

I'm still not out so no one really knows I'm not a cis girl. Growing my hair was an attempt to keep everyone fooled. 

I've played young boy roles in theatre before, they just cut my hair and I suddenly pass as a boy. The hairstyle I used to have (and will have again soon) works for both boys and girls who have a more androgyne look but still don't look butch. This is great for me because I can look like a girl and keep my secret secret and also like a boy when I want to, depending on what I'm wearing (the female curves can be tricky to hide though).

Back then, before I first had my hair cut short, I searched for both male and female hairstyles. I ended up finding a female model who, due to her short hair, in some pics, looked like a girl and, in others, like a cis bloke (even though with a female body. But the clothes she was wearing didn't hide much). That's the hairstyle I ended up choosing. I know it came from a woman but it was perfect for both my unhappy girl and dream boy self. 

 

I realize that you're out and don't have to pretend to be a girl like me, yet I've seen pics of pre-t FTMs with extremely manly haircuts who end up still appearing female and quite "butch". I feel like it's one of those things that, when going for the extreme, you end up not having what you wish for.

 

Example: In 2017, I was doing a show where I played Snow White (Yes, I hated being a bloody princess! Can't do much about it though, it's my job and I got payed for it). At least the story was vastly different from Snow White's and the show had a Clockwork Orange vibe to it, something that turned out pretty cool. Well, continuing! As a "girl", I've always been associated with Snow White. Just like the character, my hair is dark, my eyes brown and my skin really pale contrasting with darker lips. Yeah, to everyone's eyes I'm basically a Disney princess (horrifying). The thing is, when I was wearing the Snow White outfit, I didn't look like her anymore. The attempt to actually be her, made me loose the look I've always been associated with. I still did the show though and I guess it did go quite well.

 

Anyway, my point is that maybe (I can't tell you I'm certain because I don't hold the truth of the world) trying to much can ruin your goal. 

 

Google is your friend! Search search search!

I bet you'll find something you like and that will work.

You can always try to get advice from a hairdresser, never did that but maybe they could help. 

 

 

[Hellothere]

7 hours ago, OliverPerry said:

 

I realize that you're out and don't have to pretend to be a girl like me, yet I've seen pics of pre-t FTMs

 

Gosh i wish, my parents and a singular friend know. I still have to be a girl.

thank you for all the tips though, i hope the gc2b binder works for you:)

[OliverPerry]

3 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Gosh i wish, my parents and a singular friend know. I still have to be a girl.

 

Sorry for assuming you were entirely already out.

Having to present yourself as a girl when you're actually not one is rubbish.  

[NB Adult]

Take heart, not all men are totally flat chested, some have well developed pectoral muscles and others have what's known as Gynecomastia which is quite common now. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

Take heart, not all men are totally flat chested, some have well developed pectoral muscles and others have what's known as Gynecomastia which is quite common now. 

Fortunately for me I have both of these issues.  Though I wish I had them more.  LOL

[TommieAnne]

Indeed, lots of men have large pectoral muscles, specifically developed by doing extra work in the gym. I have "young teen girl" boobs, although I'm not entirely certain why since I'm not on HRT yet.

How you carry yourself has more to do with it than whether your chest is/isn't flat. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger when you walk. His movie posture is an exaggerated macho. Then once you can do that, and have stopped laughing, you can tone it down.