Feeling Valid

[Violet_R]

I post this asking opinions and feelings on the idea of feeling valid, something I have struggled with since realizing I feel transgender. I say feel, because in moments of self doubt (and they happen a lot) I dont feel valid or really, able to call myself trans when I dont feel the absolute need to work towards transition (at least not yet, I may hit that point in the future). Allow me to elaborate...

 

I started out just crossdressing and wearing women's clothes in secret. I was always a little feminine of a boy and as I got older and started to learn more about life outside the confines of a strict church, I began to really experiment with my femininity. I came to the conclusion this past year that I do believe I want to live as a women. I came out to my wife and after some rough times she's gotten on board and is working to really accept me as Violet. Our families will probably never understand, and I certainly can't come out fully while working for my current company so for now I live as Violet at home and rare occasions we feel it's safe to let her out of the house. My dream at this current moment, is to be identified as a women by the general public and family and can just live as one... There's one problem, like I said earlier,  I often dont feel valid because I dont feel this full on need right now to transition. Sure, I want to work on it with hair removal and taking better care of my body, and also tucking while around the home to help with my feminine appearance. But the idea of the big operation doesn't appeal to me, and hormones feel so far down the road. And due to that and also seeing all these girls on my social media feeds talk about their operations and all that, I feel like I'm not valid/worthy of calling myself trans sometimes since I dont seem to fit the "mold".

 

So I just wanted to share my issue with this and ask you all, what's your opinion on feeling valid, like is there a certain criteria to meet or is it in your own heart? If it is in your heart, what kind of things do you do/think to help remind yourself you are valid? 

[VickySGV]

YOU ARE VALID!!  Do I need to say that again?  Well I only say it once and mean it.  So I won't say it again.,?

 

I have been on HRT for 10.5 years and will have my 7th anniversary of GCS right after the first of the year, and it makes me no more valid than you are.  I know what the two things DO NOT do for us and they do a lot less than most people imagine, although I have no regrets at all for having had both.  They do not solve all your problems, they do only a very little to make you look like a AFAB woman, the rest of your presentation as your true self is ATTITUDE and caring for others as you become more comfortable as yourself.  It will not be your hairdo, makeup or pretty dress that make you the best female person in a given room, it will be your smile and laughing or appropriately moist eyes and warm words for others that do it.  If you can say yes to all of that, YOU ARE VALID.

 

Dang it, I did say it again!!  ?

[Jani]

Did I hear an echo in here?  Yes!  You are valid!  Vicky is correct in all that she writes.  Being You are is the best way to approach your feelings of being real.  Open up and smile at the day.  Your dreams can come true.  But unlike dreamworld it won't happen in the snap of your fingers.  Until then, enjoy the ride and be You!

 

Jani   

[Charlize]

Here is yet another echo!!!!!!  There is no bar you have to pass to be yourself.  I have had the surgery i can have as well as HRT but was just as trans before or after any of those happenings.  We all have our own path but self acceptance and comfort in ourselves is the best we can strive for.  Judging myself but comparison with others is only a path to disaster.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jackie C.]

There's a mold? Why on earth wasn't I informed? That sort of information certainly should have been in the trans-women handbook. We all get one of those in the welcome packet, right?

 

Seriously though, there are as many ways to be trans as there are trans people. A lot of trans women don't get surgery. Some don't even go on HRT and just socially transition. There aren't any goalposts and nobody is timing you. There's no pressure. Do what you need to be happy. Then stop. Your happiness is the only real goal and it's OK to come out at your own pace.

 

So yeah, you're totally valid. At least I don't think somebody put up one of those signs that says, "You must be at least THIS transgender to enter the park." As an aside, I've heard of people who gatekeep being trans/gay/whatever like that. Those people are very silly.

 

Hugs!

[Violet_R]

Thank you @VickySGV and @Jani your comments are so sweet and helpful!

[Laura76]

4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Hi Jackie, I love what you said below. Can I use it?

 

4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

 "You must be at least THIS transgender to enter the park." 

 

Hugs!

 

[Jackie C.]

<laugh> Well don't be mean about it, but sure! Use it with my blessing.

 

Hugs!

[Violet_R]

Thank you @Jackie C. truly is important to find what makes me happiest. I lose sight of that a lot and get caught up in other things. I really appreciate your wisdom! The only thing stopping me from finding that happiness is myself.

[Susan R]

On 12/11/2019 at 7:06 PM, Violet_R said:

I feel like I'm not valid/worthy of calling myself trans sometimes since I dont seem to fit the "mold".

That “mold“ is always changing with the times and it’s likely your view and understanding of yourself will change and develop over time.  In my own journey, as I reach each new milestone and look back on my thoughts and beliefs, I noticed how much they have changed as well.  Each journey is unique and independent of everyone else's.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Violet_R]

Thank you @Susan R looking back, i grew up in such a structured environment where you had to be like this certain mold or type. Now that I'm experiencing more of what life has to offer I'm realizing that's not necessarily the case. People are fluid and complex. Everyone is a little different.

[Susan R]

20 hours ago, Violet_R said:

I'm experiencing more of what life has to offer I'm realizing that's not necessarily the case. People are fluid and complex. Everyone is a little different.

That’s the problem with a lot of things in this society.  We’re all indoctrinated to think we have to conform to this or that especially while growing up.  And in most cases, this still goes on through things like advertising, legislation, and propaganda, etc...  It takes a lot of time and effort to pull yourself away from this kind of thinking.  I believe you’re winning that battle.