Being affirmed in public

[Belle]

My brother and sister are visiting while my family is out of town. It just worked out this way, which is really cool because it has not happened in twenty years. I came out to them and they were very affirming and supportive. It was a huge relief!

 

We went to a store this evening and I decided to practice my female stride while I pushed the cart. I have been practicing for a while but never in front of an adequate mirror so I don't know how well I'm doing. I am not presenting as female at all in public, so I looked unquestionably male.

 

At one point I spotted a sister. I didn't realize it at first but I looked more closely in the face and I knew. She then looked at me and gave me a smile of recognition that I returned. Somehow I could tell it was recognition, not flirting or anything.

 

The cashier at the checkout line was a woman about ten to twenty years my senior. We were talking during the transaction and when it was over she called me "dear." I have never heard a woman call a man "dear" unless it was her husband. But I have heard women calling younger women they don't know "dear." It might have been nothing, but both of those felt affirming to me, as if these two women saw me for who I was despite the outer shell. I felt a little giddy inside after that.

 

Just thought I would share ?

 

Love,

Belle

[tracy_j]

I am glad you had such an interesting day Belle. Smiles are good things, particularly with women. The experience is good too.

 

Sometimes I find things confusing and do have to ride with them. I would have loved to have been with you as I often wonder how response changes in different localities. It does here in different parts of the country so I suspect understanding between countries is different and I know with different languages it can be very different. That said, it sounds like you are getting on well. It is possible and accepted here for a woman to call a man 'dear' but that is usually an older woman, seldom a younger one to an older man.  If the man is a pensioner then it happens. Social etiquette is not generally formally learned and is quite complex. We sometimes have to learn although some do cope from the start. The same goes with 'darling'. The only obvious thing I was called in earlier days was 'sweetie' which would never be to a man (and it was not derogitory at the time so I loved it). I do find 'dear' rather amusing though as, more than once, I called fellow workers, both male and female, 'dear'. Luckily they actually accepted it well. My social communication skills are ?

 

Tracy

[Jani]

I'm glad you had a good day.  The affirmation from your siblings is extra nice.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Jackie C.]

I'm glad your siblings are being supportive. You could use more allies in your life. Of course we could ALL use more allies in our lives, but you've had a particularly rough patch. Good on them.

 

It's great to be treated as your actual gender in public isn't it? There's just something about a stranger seeing you and checking all the right boxes that makes you feel good about yourself. I had a male friend ask me for dating advice about his girlfriend the other day. He was looking for insight into the female mind. That made my night.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

As I have told in in our messages.  I am so very happy you have some family support Bella! 

I have also been pushing my boundries when out and about.  Definitely at work which is in two separate hospitals in Vermont and New Hampshire. 

No one seems to treat me differently though.  Everyone is super nice and friendly, says hi and smiles so it is hard to tell.  Everyone.  Its almost enough to make you sick on a bad day.  LOL (But not for me as I am like this too so I do fit in my two hospitals.)  

I work mostly on my own but I do have interface with several nurses and managers and my office is down in the maintenance level where I am treated the same way.  I can not imagine I have not been talked about at this point.  I have definitely changed since I have started a year ago.  Though I am guessing I am being viewed as a gay male and not trans.  I plan to come out to both hospitals after the New Year.

[Belle]

You're being very brave Shawna! On top of the dysphoria, we have to deal with fear and stress from what's being said behind our backs. It's great that you're overcoming it. 

[Belle]

On 12/12/2019 at 9:22 AM, Jackie C. said:

It's great to be treated as your actual gender in public isn't it? There's just something about a stranger seeing you and checking all the right boxes that makes you feel good about yourself. I had a male friend ask me for dating advice about his girlfriend the other day. He was looking for insight into the female mind. That made my night.

 

Hugs!

Yes I read that post and was so happy for you!

[Belle]

On 12/12/2019 at 3:05 AM, tracy_j said:

It is possible and accepted here for a woman to call a man 'dear' but that is usually an older woman, seldom a younger one to an older man.  If the man is a pensioner then it happens.

Yes I certainly could just be looking for such things. When any sort of term like that was used for me in the past (I live in the US) it was always "sweetie," which is common for a nice and gentle little boy or even a man, where it is a far less common.

[KymmieL]

Being accepted is great for me. Last week I was dressed female casual, not really trying to present as female. I went to a fast food for breakfast. The gal at the counter. Called me sir then quickly corrected herself to ma'am. She apologized 3 times for this. each time I just said It is alright.

 

Later my therapist said that if she saw me on the street and didn't know. She would have thought I was female. Which really made my day.

 

The way I look at it. Small victories help win the war.

 

Kymmie