Full transition as nonbinary?

[Belle]

I'm wondering if there are any nonbinaries here that have fully transitioned. I am pretty sure I'm nonbinary trans femme (AMAB). I would be interested in hearing stories from other nonbinary trans people who have fully transitioned with HRT and GCS. I have heard there is risk of going too far and having dysphoria in the opposite direction.

 

Belle ❤️

 

[NB Adult]

I've been on HRT since 1994 and had an orchiectomy four years after that which pretty much leaves me physically neuter gender. Still alive, healthy and blissfully married to the same bride of my youth.

[ShawnaLeigh]

I was hoping NB Adult would chime in.  She has helped me a lot early in my TransPulse questions and answers phase. 

I still question myself at times but feel in my mind I am a lot more female then male.  But admit to totally 100% female as of yet.  Old habits and such.  I do sincerely feel a lot of dislike to my body being male and pray every day that the HRT starts becoming more visable on the outside.  Though it happens so slowly, I, who see myself every day all day long, may not notice it as much as someone has hasn't seen me in weeks or months.  

 

[Charlize]

I have "fully" transitioned.  I identify and am perceived female.  That being said i lived as a man for 63 years, hiding my identity and doing my best to "man up".  That male will always be a part of me.  I accept that now and enjoy those aspects of my reality. Embracing my female side did not mean i had to throw the  him away.  I thought that at first but fortunately i've made peace with myself.  I don't identify as NB but i guess i could.  
My label is not as important to me as the comfort of self acceptance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[ShawnaLeigh]

43 minutes ago, Charlize said:

I have "fully" transitioned.  I identify and am perceived female.  That being said i lived as a man for 63 years, hiding my identity and doing my best to "man up".  That male will always be a part of me.  I accept that now and enjoy those aspects of my reality. Embracing my female side did not mean i had to throw the  him away.  I thought that at first but fortunately i've made peace with myself.  I don't identify as NB but i guess i could.  
My label is not as important to me as the comfort of self acceptance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Well said Charlize!

[TommieAnne]

I'm just beginning transition. I'm going to take it as far as I can so long as I am comfortable with it. Wish I had more experienced advice, but my feeling is that I can get pretty far along.

The female part of me has always felt squealched. Actually that makes it sounds like there are two separate parts. There's a role I have played as male, then there's who I am, primarily female.

[Maid In Bedlam]

15 hours ago, Belle said:

I'm wondering if there are any nonbinaries here that have fully transitioned. I am pretty sure I'm nonbinary trans femme (AMAB). I would be interested in hearing stories from other nonbinary trans people who have fully transitioned with HRT and GCS. I have heard there is risk of going too far and having dysphoria in the opposite direction.

 

Belle ❤️

 

 

This may sound like an absolutly absurd question but i have always wondered. How does one transition to Non binary?

 

My interpretation is. You transition from one sex or gender. However you want to word it to the other well at least to be socially accepted as the gender you aspired to be.

 

From what i have seen by persons who shall remain nameless but lets just say in the media. Who come out as Non binary but seem to do nothing towald a transition. an example is perhaps with a beard pre coming out but still with that beard during and after there alledged coming out. A beard i find personally a predominatly male trait. as in a binary marker.Therefore they  still identify as male because of that said facial attribute. Im not saying they should just shave half of it off to reflet there non binary status being neither one or the other. However something like that would make it easier to imediatly interpt which pronouns they would like to use.

being honest. if i agree with non binary or not. What does it actually require from a personal perspective?

I can kinda get the work NB has done to to be considered as genderless. IE, being neither one or the other

is it more than just wearing a diffrent hat a couple of days a week? as some would like to you to see it.. please someone explain this if they would give me there insight. for my benefit and perhaps others.

 

 

 

does anyone actually have an answer?

 

 

In answer to the question in the original post yes i have fully transitioned. which is a personal venture and everyone regards  there own personal transition unique. The rules are diffrent for all who make that trip.  yes it is hard as you want to make it. the suffering and sacrifice to be at one with yourself can be great. But you have to be willing to make them to be who you set out.

I did in a way mourn for the loss of him but two people cannot occupy the same vessel. The she in me was victorious. I wish i could say i do miss him but i dont. However i never forgot the what he was like and the knowledged he gained in his existance. I draw from it everyday. he will never be truly gone as long as i remember. Im going to sound a bit harsh here but he was a lovely fella. But had to go for me to archieve my own personal acceptance.  I am now at one with myself and enjoy everyday. Where as before each passing day was a stuggle and never got any easier. Instead of fighting my gender dysphoria i embraced it. It wasnt a case of if it was going to beat me it was a case of when. the ,old saying goes if you cant beat them join them. therefore here i am today.

Dysphoria can be a hard mistress or a fluffy kitten. It depends how you want to percieve it. Its never the end when your diagnoised with such a condition. Its more a relief and the start of a new journey. Regardless of your age and social standing.

If you really want that then nothing will ever stand in your way. You cant just tap your heels together 3 times and say theres no place like home and the magic happens. You have to do all the footwork yourself. But the laws of physics do sometimes count. every action may have an equal and oposite reaction. Thats the secret to be prepared for those reactions. I lost many things to get where i am but i also gained many things so it is more balanced in my favor as i restuctured how i wanted and not for someone else. We spend so much time in this life doing things for others. Why not do the most fundimental thing you can for yoursef. Sellfish as that may sound. but  what is left in the end? Just you? will we go to our coffin thinking what we could have done? or rejoyce in waht we archieved.

Im much closer to my coffin than from that birth canal. so i think i can say this with a clear conscious. Its the life i choose to live and i am happy that i lived it. It may shorter than the time i have had before transition but its not quantity its quality.

 

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

44 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

Actually that makes it sounds like there are two separate parts. There's a role I have played as male, then there's who I am, primarily female.

In a certain type of therapy I have found Internal Family System therapy.  It is one of the techniques my gender therapist uses.  There are many parts to a humans psyche but most dominate are the male and female side to everyone. (Well mostly everyone I hate to label it as everyone.)   I will not get into it further then that but know that it is possible to experience both male and female sides and those sides can be at war with each other at times.  This is what threw me into a mental break when it happened.  So my male roll was not wanting to give up control and my female persona inside was needing to get out.  

It was a confusing and weird time for me.  As you can imagine.

49 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

'm just beginning transition. I'm going to take it as far as I can so long as I am comfortable with it.

That's all any of us can do.  There is no guidelines or time lines either so its all by feel.  

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Charlize said:

I have "fully" transitioned.  I identify and am perceived female.  That being said i lived as a man for 63 years, hiding my identity and doing my best to "man up".  That male will always be a part of me.  I accept that now and enjoy those aspects of my reality. Embracing my female side did not mean i had to throw the  him away.  I thought that at first but fortunately i've made peace with myself.  I don't identify as NB but i guess i could.  
My label is not as important to me as the comfort of self acceptance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

This is me as well, except I started at 61.  Labels aren't important to me.

Jani

[NB Adult]

15 hours ago, NB Adult said:

I've been on HRT since 1994 and had an orchiectomy four years after that which pretty much leaves me physically neuter gender. Still alive, healthy and blissfully married to the same bride of my youth.

 

The hard truth is this, once the testicles which are the hard drive for masculinity are gone and you're on cross gender hormones, then it doesn't matter how you slice and dice the remaining junk. Unless of course you expect to engage in sexual intercourse at some point and have a real or emotional need for a neo-vagina. The fact is that most transwomen rarely if ever get an opportunity to engage in coitus with a CIS male who know about your true DNA and don't find the idea appealing and it's deadly practice to try and fool someone. As concerning me and many other MtF trans types, I don't relish the thought of having to dilate for years post-op or of some man trying to boink me in either end, and frankly it's no one's business what my genitalia looks like. Now I've had militant transwomen tell me that I'm not as authentic as they since I didn't have a neo-vagina constructed like they did which is irritating because I have developed female figure and breasts over time on years of HRT and don't wear any padding like many do. That being said, everyone here has a number of choices as to how they wish to transition or how far they want to take it. For some the costs may be a limiting factor, for me not so much as I have a 100K line of credit, but at this stage of my life what would be the point? So each one here has to decide on their own how to proceed keeping in mind that transition isn't a cookie cutter process, we are all unique individuals and everyone is different.

[Belle]

Thank you for all of the thoughtful responses on this! Basically, trying to fit myself into a stereotypical box probably isn't going to help, and it could be counterproductive. Knowing that I'm not the only one who still has masculine qualities is comforting.

 

Belle ❤️

 

[tracy_j]

18 hours ago, Maid In Bedlam said:

 

This may sound like an absolutly absurd question but i have always wondered. How does one transition to Non binary?

 

 

My personal view is that no one really does, it is more a way of life. I have never really liked the term although may use it for people that do, from time to time. I have always been pretty much 'non binary' if I were to describe my life as such as, even in more male times, have still embraced my female side. That said, I think it would be an incorrect term for me as my female side is dominant. It does not mean the male has totally disappeared though. I think the issue is with society pushing for one of two genders creating conflict. This is more determined by human nature than any legislative process.

 

It is difficult to describe as it just feels like me. The reality is that life is not that much different between male and female, it's mainly just the understanding and the perception of things when physical sex is removed from the equation. Emotions can be very different in type and depth. I am saying that though as one who has never really understood the male psyche and maybe not the female, as born male?

 

Tracy

[Maid In Bedlam]

1 hour ago, tracy_j said:

 

My personal view is that no one really does, it is more a way of life. I have never really liked the term although may use it for people that do, from time to time. I have always been pretty much 'non binary' if I were to describe my life as such as, even in more male times, have still embraced my female side. That said, I think it would be an incorrect term for me as my female side is dominant. It does not mean the male has totally disappeared though. I think the issue is with society pushing for one of two genders creating conflict. This is more determined by human nature than any legislative process.

 

 

 

Thanks Tracy. It being a way of life does make a lot of sense. I didnt see how you could transition when you was already there. There is no real journey as such.  We do in some of these posts put so much emphasis on  the binary genders. But when we are alone Its not a factor as such. We dont non stop think. "Oh im a man" or "Oh im a woman" We just are.

 

 

 

.

[NB Adult]

You want to keep parsing gender as you see fit, feel free. As for me having become a eunuch of my own volition and spending a number of years on feminizing HRT, my thoughts are generated from both male and female sides of my being. In effect I no longer fit in either binary. Pretty simple really mate!

[TommieAnne]

8 hours ago, tracy_j said:

 

My personal view is that no one really does, it is more a way of life. I have never really liked the term although may use it for people that do, from time to time. I have always been pretty much 'non binary' if I were to describe my life as such as, even in more male times, have still embraced my female side. That said, I think it would be an incorrect term for me as my female side is dominant. It does not mean the male has totally disappeared though. I think the issue is with society pushing for one of two genders creating conflict. This is more determined by human nature than any legislative process.

 

It is difficult to describe as it just feels like me. The reality is that life is not that much different between male and female, it's mainly just the understanding and the perception of things when physical sex is removed from the equation. Emotions can be very different in type and depth. I am saying that though as one who has never really understood the male psyche and maybe not the female, as born male?

 

Tracy

That's very perceptive of you Tracy.

So I'm transitioning, it's true. But after some lengthy discussions with my gender therapist, it became clear to me that I hadn't the spare money nor really the time to get a fully female outcome.

Instead I will just be expressing my female self more, while presenting, chameleon like, as what suits the circumstances.

As was also discussed in therapy (my viewpoint), had I been able to start this around my early teens, I'd have gone full transition regardless of the obstacles. At my age, there's walking a fine line between trying to stay healthy and living my life as a complete expression of myself.

[Belle]

9 hours ago, tracy_j said:

It is difficult to describe as it just feels like me. The reality is that life is not that much different between male and female, it's mainly just the understanding and the perception of things when physical sex is removed from the equation. Emotions can be very different in type and depth. I am saying that though as one who has never really understood the male psyche and maybe not the female, as born male?

 

Tracy

It doesn't make logical sense. Why do we (I) feel such a need to have physical congruence if the physical matters so little?

[Belle]

40 minutes ago, Belle said:

It doesn't make logical sense. Why do we (I) feel such a need to have physical congruence if the physical matters so little?

Sorry if this came across as an attack. It's not, just simply me wrestling with this out loud. 

[Jackie C.]

Not really. The physical matters less to some people than others. Some people are fine with just socially transitioning or dressing to go out on the weekends. Others need a bit of the nip and tuck to feel comfortable in their own skins. We've all got this dysphoria condition, but it hits each of us differently and to different degrees.

 

For example: I need to get my genitalia reconfigured. I am not comfortable with the way they look or feel. I tried to DIY it myself a couple of times in middle school. Pro Tip: Do NOT try that at home. I'm lucky I didn't permanently maim or kill myself.

On the other hand, I'm pretty comfortable with my face as it is now. I like seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in forever.

I did spend a zillion hours re-training my voice to a more female sound. I was trying to do a deeper voice last night at the game table, and kept slipping back into my regular girl voice by accident. To me anyway, that part was kind of cool.

I'm lukewarm on breast augmentation. I'd love larger breasts (like another cup size), but I'm willing to leave it in nature's hands.

 

Other people are perfectly comfortable with their genitals or can at least live with them. By the same token, there are people who cannot live with their face the way it is now. Others are OK speaking with a male voice. Still others need to have huge breasts to feel comfortable in their own bodies.

 

So yeah, the end goal is to be happy and comfortable as yourself. Maybe that involves surgery, maybe it doesn't. Either way is OK. Though depending on where you live there could be laws restricting how you express yourself legally based on the surgery you have or have not had. Assuming your jurisdiction allows for altering of documents as regards to gender in the first place. I seem to remember a couple of states that don't.

 

Hugs!

[tracy_j]

17 hours ago, Belle said:

It doesn't make logical sense. Why do we (I) feel such a need to have physical congruence if the physical matters so little?

 

Not really having physical dysphoria to the extent as others I was trying to avoid obvious physical complications. They are obviously important but in my mind I can and do just forget them. They only really get to hold centre stage when thoughts of physical relationships come. I do get them but just take things as they come.

 

In normal life outside of the home the physical aspects do become fairly irrelevant to social interaction unless they are obvious. It's not that you do not say 'good morning' to someone or chat in the mart. It's more a different approach and style of conversation. Although I do chat my social skills are poor and I just chat as I do without worrying too much about someone's perception of me (at least at the time). It may be male or female and I know from experience both happen. In my view the physical side, apart from body language, is irrelevant. I will admit though that I have generally found it easier to live within a more feminine lifestyle and associate with women. It is naturally me. That does enable me to be far more relaxed in female company although I get very nervous in some male situations. I don't hide my femininity, even with people I am known as male.

 

No I don't feel it an attack Belle. I am aware my sometimes almost total disregard for male and female divisions can put me in a void of neither camp. Just let me know if I do go too far as I am aware it is easy to sometimes hurt someone without realising.

 

Tracy

[NB Adult]

5 hours ago, tracy_j said:

 

In my view the physical side, apart from body language, is irrelevant. I will admit though that I have generally found it easier to live within a more feminine lifestyle and associate with women. It is naturally me. That does enable me to be far more relaxed in female company although I get very nervous in some male situations. 

 

I am aware my sometimes almost total disregard for male and female divisions can put me in a void of neither camp.

 

I relate to these comments, never nervous in male situations though I tend to avoid them for the most part, men are really more just casual associates rather than friends.

[Lee H]

On 12/17/2019 at 5:00 AM, Charlize said:

My label is not as important to me as the comfort of self acceptance.

"I am what I am, and that's all that I am. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man." He was cool.

Getting to where you are is a wonderful accomplishment. Goodonya. I'm not even close, but at least I'm beginning to grasp the idea of not letting society's assumptions and expectations take my authentic self away from whatever little time I've got left on this planet.

 

Hugs, to you, too, Charlize. Thanks.