Ughhh

[emily the wolf]

Well 1st off I think this is where this goes?

 

But I might get hurt when I go home... My mom is picking me up 2 days early from my grandparents house.... Because she cleaned my room.... And found fem clothes... I have a very bad feeling that I might be hurt.... When I get home... Or even in the car on the way there.. i-j just don't understand why she can't just... Let me be.. me... She tells me to stop trying to be someone that I'm not... But that is what I'm trying to do and she does this stuff... It scares me... 

[Jackie C.]

Do your grandparents know? If they do and they're supportive, could they hang on to you a while longer?

 

Sweetie, I know it's scary, but you need some adults closer to you on your side to protect you. Maybe that's your grandparents. Maybe that's CPS. Nobody has a right to lay hands on you not your parents. Nobody.

 

I don't know your grandparents obviously, but I'd like to think they'd keep their granddaughter safe.

 

Keep us posted, OK?

 

Hugs! Oh so many hugs.

[emily the wolf]

Yeah... I am not sure how they would handle it... So it just hasn't been brought up... If I need to I can find my phone and text my aunt... She could help... But at what cost... How much could she help in reality... I-i want to tell her and I want her to help... But what cost would that help come at... The cost of loosing my only biological parent that I have... The cost of never seeing my sister's again... Or do I go to cps... At the cost of me and my sisters going somewhere... Who knows where... Like.. how, how much can they truly do to me... And if I did call someone... I wouldn't get to see my new baby sister... Never get most of my stuff back... And in the end... She wouldn't care... She threatens to send me to my dad's house... But if she does and I can get him to side with me... How can that help.. he has no right to keep me... And he is in another state so... I-i just don't know anymore.... Why, why does all of this have to happen around the holidays... Of all times...

[Jackie C.]

Unfortunately, the holidays are stressful. That can bring out the worst in people. Especially when they're working through another stressful situation. While I don't know your mother except through your posts, she's probably thinking:

 

"Oh my gosh, what will people think?"

"I'm losing my little boy!"

"Why can't he just be normal?"

 

She's also handling it badly if she's laying hands on you to "beat the demons out," or whatever she's thinking. Well, I've been reading your posts. She's handling it badly in a lot of ways. So many ways. A lot of what's going through her mind is how this is going to affect her. That's completely the wrong way to think of your dysphoria but if you look around a LOT of us have mothers that reacted or are reacting much the same way.

 

You should probably at least talk to your aunt. She might have more insight into how your grandparents are going to react. She might also be willing to take you in. At least until your home life settles down. If it doesn't, there are worse things than living with a cool aunt.

 

As to what they can really do to you? Real talk sweetie: Sometimes trans kids get beaten to death. It's less common than it used to be but it still happens. We're a vulnerable population.

 

Your stuff is less important than your safety. Your stuff can be replaced. You can't.

 

You're right that CPS is basically the nuclear option. It would be the most disruptive to the place you live. They could very easily take all your mom's kids and foster them out. Then again, if you're the only child in danger that could just be you.

 

You absolutely have a right to be safe though. Nobody's going to help you unless they know what's going on, so you need to tell someone and get the help you need. You don't need to be a statistic.

 

I want this to end well for you sweetie, but you need to do your part. Please help it end well?

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

The problem is... I'm not the only one who gets hurt... It's my 10yo sister too... I stand up for her when I can but... There is only so much I can to when they force her to lie to there liking... Like they will say she did stuff she didn't... And make her lie to say that she did it... When she truly didn't.. most of the time I try to take the hit for her... But.. I can't always do that... It sucks... Cuz if I get out... I need her with me... And.. if we for some reason get split up... I at least NEED a way to contact her.... I just don't get it.. maybe my step dad's parents who we live with might be able to help me.. but they would never help her.... I don't understand it.. like why.. why do they have to do this to us... They make us hurt.. they make us messed up mentally... My mental health have been completely destroyed since I moved... And it sucks but... They will never admit to doing what they do...

 

[Jackie C.]

Ah, gaslighting. Light is shed. Pieces click into place. I think I've got a much clearer picture of what's going on now. It's not quite Clarissa bad, but that's pretty bad. Don't read those by the way. They're really, really dark. I have no idea why I posed the link except for context.

 

I think we've got crashing airplane rules going on here. Help yourself first. Then help your sister. CPS sounds like your best bet. I'm going to take a guess and say the other adults in the house know what's going on and they're letting it happen. That's not OK.

 

As a total aside, the web page on How to Become a Foster Parent in Metro Detroit lists: Here are the four steps to becoming a foster parent in Detroit. Then it only lists three things.

 

Fostarage (I probably butchered the spelling on that) allows for sibling groups, so while CPS could separate you ... and Ohio is not one of the states that has mandatory rules for keeping sibling groups together ... it won't necessarily happen. It's possible for you to both be fostered by someone who is willing to take care of the both of you or at least help you keep in contact.

 

You're probably right about the state pf mental health for both of you though. Bad parenting messes you up pretty hard. On the plus side, my appointment with my therapist is one of the high points of my week. I am getting better.

 

So yeah, you should get out of there. You both should get out of there, but one disaster at a time. It's going to be harder to get your sister out. Especially if she's willing to repeat your parent's lies. Still, it's going to be a mess, but please get help.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

Yeah... I might... Be able to let her tell the truth but it would never happen if she was in that house... The problem with that is I have social anxiety... And suck at explaining things in person... It is hard for me to do... I freeze up.. that might be a problem... IDK if I were to call and get them.. I don't know what I would need to provide them with... Or what i would need to say... Or anything... I-i just don't know how to go about it... Witch it why I just haven't.. I have just kinda avoided it... Kinda like most of my feelings... But when I get home.. if they hurt me.. me and my best friend talked it over and she want so come over to see it... But they will never let it happen... Because first off they only do it when there are no other people in the house... I helped my boyfriend through this same type of situation... I just am scared to do it myself.. as I saw what happened to him... 

[Jackie C.]

I got you. Social anxiety is the gift that keeps on giving isn't it? That's totally the abuser pattern though, isn't it? Sweetness and light when people are watching, then the hammer comes down as soon as they're gone.

 

From my quick bit of research, you have two good choices. One is to explain the problem to a sympathetic adult and have them make the phone call. The other one is to call a hotline like 1-800-4-A-CHILD and do your best. Relax and remember, this is for your sister too. I'm betting that you'll open up more once you start talking. They're used to reluctant kids. You'd be surprised what a caring counselor can get out of you.

 

If you get an adult to help (from ohio.gov), they need the your name and address, your age, the name and address of your parents, the name of the person abusing you, the reason they suspect that you'r being abused and/or neglected, and any other information that might be useful to the investigation (yeah, this one is helpful). Then you get an investigator to look into the case. Where it goes from there is up to CPS and maybe the courts.

 

So what happened to your boyfriend... kids these days, I didn't manage to land even a kinda-girlfriend until my senior year... that spooked you if you don't mind me asking?

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

H-he was almost killed by his parents because he didn't contact anyone... And when I came over and saw it happen as they didn't see me.. I immediately called the police... As I was watching him get beet within an inch of his life.. he was in the ICU at the hospital.. and in the hospital in general for most of last summer... This scared me a lot... But it seems like this might happen to me... As they keep threatening to... Kill and beet me... T-they told me that if I keep being trans... That... They... Will.. well... 

[emily the wolf]

And my mom keeps trying to say... "Oh well you get what ever you want just sometimes it takes a while." But when she says that.. it is just her.. trying... To avoid the times she has hit me and mentally messed me up... She tries to cover up all of the bad stuff she does to me with the small amount of good stuff she does... This is the first time I have been able leave the house... In well.. since we moved... And she is taking that away... Anytime I am at that house I am scared.. I hide in my room... They don't like it but I do it anyway... They get mad at me for everything then blow up at me... And hit me... Then they do the same to my sister... Except it's much.. much.. worse to her...

[Jackie C.]

All the more reason to pull the trigger on CPS, your aunt, your grandparents, someone who will keep you and your sister safe. Now we don't have time to send you to the mountains in China to learn kung-fu (which is a real thing in the 20th century, probably not as glamorous as you're thinking but they're still there) so we just need to keep you away from your parents.

 

The little nuggets of good in between the bad are examples of classic abuser behavior too. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry you made me hit you." Not OK.

 

If you're still against that, maybe tell your grandparents that you're in danger. You don't need to be specific as to why, just let them know that your mother is hitting you and your sister. Your grandparents could make an excellent foster home while CPS makes its investigation. The important thing is to keep yourself safe. You can't help anyone else from your current position, so you need to maneuver into a better one. I know it's a lot to ask of a fourteen year old but the adults in your life aren't doing their jobs. Somebody has to.

 

As a total aside, I'm not sure I need following. I'm just a crazy cat lady in the making. Even if I am one that wants you to be safe.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

Lol okay

 

I do happen do know mma and have nunchucks (probably not spelled right) that I know how to use... But I want to tell CPS but i-i don't think that I can be the one to do it... I think my aunt would do it... I would just have to tell her... I would love to be able to tell my school but sadly I'm on winter break... So that it ruled out for now... I feel much more comfortable around the school councilors and would be able to tell them it's just a matter of doing it and wether they would be able do anything about the situation... I am sure they can... But at the same time I am yay thinking about calling CPS or the cops if they hurt me... I just have to get my phone out of there room and hope they have not disabled my number...

[Jackie C.]

A friend of mine once said, "You aren't really a student of the nunchaku unless you've woken up from practice." Also, Japanese so they really don't apply to the kung fu argument. Good on you for learning how to defend yourself though. A good physical workout routine helps with the depression caused by your dysphoria too. I wish I'd known that when I was fourteen but the whole locker room issue kept me as far as possible from anything athletic (I am NOT comfortable being naked around men. Do not want.)

 

Let me guess... if you try to block a strike, the beating gets worse? 

 

Can you call your aunt from your grandparent's house? There's no reason not to talk to your counselors too once you're back from break. The more people who know, the more CPS has to work with. Absolutely report anything they do to you as well. It's evidence and will help CPS do their job. Regardless of what they've done to your phone, you should still be able to dial 911. I'm fairly certain the only way to disable emergency services is to remove the battery (or, you know, smash the phone).

 

Be safe. The sooner you get CPS involved, the quicker they can get you and your sister somewhere safe.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

Yeah... I hope that I can get something done.. im just sitting on a couch shaking waiting for her to come and get me... Listing to relatively "dark" music...  And I would call her from my grandparents house but I don't know her number lol

[Jackie C.]

Pretty sure your grandparents have it. I mean she IS your aunt. Or is she from the wrong side of the family? I'd still ask.

 

Personally, I'm listening to Steam Powered Giraffe and Voltaire... though that's not really dark.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

I'm listening to the mansion album by NF... And I am sure they do I just don't know how to find to cuz my grandma is not home rn 

[Jackie C.]

Ah, that would be a problem then. No handy address book next to the phone? I had one of those when I still had a landline. It's funny how quickly you forget numbers once you don't have to remember them anymore. (Cell phones weren't a thing until I was into my 20's.)

 

I had to look the album up. I think my brain broke when I read "American Christian Hip Hop Artist NF." I'm still going to check out the youtube video, but I'm scared now.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

Oop... Yeah no phone book

[Jackie C.]

Phone book is easy. You have the internet and your aunt's name and address. I was hoping your grandmother kept something like my grandmother did. It was this little address book thing. It looked like a long, metal container with a slider on the side. The slider had a little arrow and pointed to letters of the alphabet. You could point it to a letter, hit the button on the end and it would spring open to the page of personal numbers that started with that letter. When I was little, I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

 

My parents were more boring and just had a little address book next to the phone with a bulletin board (because this was before whiteboards) you could stick messages to.

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

Well I'm sure I can find it... I think I have like another hour and a half till anyone gets here soooooo ye

[Jackie C.]

Of course you can! Use the power of the internet for good and wholesome pursuits! Like pumpkin bread and dog videos!

 

NT isn't going on my playlist by the by. I wouldn't call him dark, more angry. I've heard worse, but I'm way too white for Hip Hop to ever be my thing. I'd rather listen to J-Pop or Babymetal.

 

Hugs!

[TommieAnne]

I wanted to add: in the Army they had a saying that was a bit brutal but true - you cannot help anyone else if you become a casualty. If you hope to look out for others, you have a duty to take of yourself so you can assist others. In this case, your baby sister.

And of course, moral support and a hug from me.

TA