I’m struggling with my Internal Family System therapy

[ShawnaLeigh]

I am having a very hard time dealing with my Internal Family System therapy and how it effect me.  Is there anyone else out there that uses this therapy to understand the dynamics of ones inner selves? Therapy that examines all parts of your inner psyche which can be many personas.   

My Male and Female selves are battling for controls and a new Female adult part emerged during my last session.  So I have an adult male fighting a teenaged female that now has a female adult backing her up.  
Yea.  Can you say confusion?   
Anyone else dealing with things like this?

 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2019 by VickySGV
Per user request

[Belle]

I have not heard about that therapy. It sounds interesting.

 

Regarding personalities, I think i just realized tonight that I'm a tomboy. I have always identified with tomboys on television. They're females but with the down to earth "real" that doesn't care if they like some boyish stuff too. They're proud to be female and don't want to be male.

 

For me keeping it simple like that is really helpful. It gives me clarity by allowing me to take the easy binary road while still making room for the masculine parts of me. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

Yes It is a strange therapy but it illuminates a lot of how you feel specific things like fear, guilt, anxiety and confusion.  It help you explain why you feel the way you do some days and differently the next.  The therapy is to help to unite all these personas and find a balance to live as your true self. 

My entire life I had my male self in total control due to conditioning of society and what it meant to be male to hide.  I now am letting my female selves take over but slowly and not aggressively.  But it is very confusing at times.  

I feel very male at times and start questioning everything I am doing and then I have a "slap in the back of the head" saying "Stop it. Its my turn!"    

[VickySGV]

 I have not heard the term for the therapy that you are using, but 40+ years ago we had the concept of "Parenting The Inner Child" that sounds similar to what you are describing.  We used it in one of my first therapy experiences back in the 1980's that lasted for about 14 sessions over 7 months and I was able to partially take care of about 4 of my "inner children" but neither the the therapist nor I could really figure out a 5th IC.  Eleven years ago when I was beginning my current alcohol / drug addiction recovery, the unknown and unknowable child turned out to be the current me who was hidden by GD that we had not had the language for in my first therapy days. I was the only female in the group but my pressured in maleness had created the other children, and thus my only partial ability to at least bring them to a place of calmness for 16 years.  Now days though I can appreciate all of them and see my life as a whole.  It's quite a story and too long for here.

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

 I have not heard the term for the therapy that you are using, but 40+ years ago we had the concept of "Parenting The Inner Child" that sounds similar to what you are describing.  We used it in one of my first therapy experiences back in the 1980's that lasted for about 14 sessions over 7 months and I was able to partially take care of about 4 of my "inner children" but neither the the therapist nor I could really figure out a 5th IC.  Eleven years ago when I was beginning my current alcohol / drug addiction recovery, the unknown and unknowable child turned out to be the current me who was hidden by GD that we had not had the language for in my first therapy days. I was the only female in the group but my pressured in maleness had created the other children, and thus my only partial ability to at least bring them to a place of calmness for 16 years.  Now days though I can appreciate all of them and see my life as a whole.  It's quite a story and too long for here.

Thank you for fixing the spelling error and for replying. 

It does sound very similar to what I am starting to go through in therapy.  I was told there could be many personalities inside that control different parts of who you are.  They are often very deep and well hidden and it can be difficult to fit the pieces together.  

It has been "somewhat" determined that the female child inside is my real personality which is somewhere in her early teens.  This really confuses me since I am 52 and have had a whole life time of experiences as a male.  Although a female adult persona has appeared recently and is in that mix too but we have yet to determine how much.

It was explained to me that I never had the female puberty and young female adult life and the experiences that come with it.  They are now showing up as a "dire need" to live through as a mental female puberty.  Especially now that I am on HRT which is basically the "physical" puberty I am going through currently.  

I can see this as being problematic for me trying to manage a very technical and difficult job.  If all of a sudden I am a teenage girl not knowing what the heck I am doing or even having the confidence to do such work.

[VickySGV]

14 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

If all of a sudden I am a teenage girl not knowing what the heck I am doing or even having the confidence to do such work.

 

That will probably not happen, so breathe easy.  It will mostly come in your "downtime" away from work oriented actions when your mind is not focused on major tasks.  I found though that my inner children reacted well to time when I did focus on each as an individual in their own times.  The trick is to be parent and child at the same time.  A good parent joins with a child in imagination and exploration of life with the parent gnudging there child just a little bit when they see danger in a childlike fantasy but otherwise letting the child experience what their identity is telling them.

[ShawnaLeigh]

7 hours ago, VickySGV said:

 

That will probably not happen, so breathe easy.  It will mostly come in your "downtime" away from work oriented actions when your mind is not focused on major tasks.  I found though that my inner children reacted well to time when I did focus on each as an individual in their own times.  The trick is to be parent and child at the same time.  A good parent joins with a child in imagination and exploration of life with the parent gnudging there child just a little bit when they see danger in a childlike fantasy but otherwise letting the child experience what their identity is telling them.

Thank you Vicky.  This is comforting to think of it in this way.