Progress!!

[A. Dillon]

I am finally exclusively using the men's restroom, and while I am still pretty insecure, I feel 100% better. I no longer go halfway across the school to a bathroom where no one will be or put my feet on the door so that no one would know I was there; I just walk in, do what I need to do, and walk out. It is not really huge like getting T or top surgery, but it really is just making my life that much better everyday. I am getting more used to people seeing me as a guy, and have started to really identify with the name Dillon (I was having trouble remembering to call myself by it for a while because I didn't really look like it). While my parents still don't see me as their son, my sister has been able to just see me as her brother, although she admits that the voice does throw her off a bit. I feel so much better when I can catch my reflection and just see a guy, enough so that I have spent 15 minutes just looking at myself and lip syncing to songs with male leads, which a huge pick-me-up on a bad day btw. I am excited to see the progress that other people on the site are making too, and actually feel hopeful for one of the first times in my life. Thank you all for helping me get to this point. Love you all!  ?

[TTheta]

That's amazing to hear man! I wish I were that brave. Anywho keep it going, we believe in you and will always be here to support you >:D

[Jackie C.]

Congratulations!

 

I mean it smells like a barn but it's home, right? I shouldn't say that. The primary difference is that the men's room is, on average, dirtier than the girl's room. However, it doesn't change much. While the girl's room is, on average, nicer when it's bad it's... well, it's nightmare fuel. From someone who has used, and had to clean, both at one point or another in her life.

 

Using the right restroom is incredibly freeing. Faster too. There's hardly ever a line for a stall in the men's room.

 

Keep killing it bro!

 

Hugs!

[emily the wolf]

good job man! im still working on similar things myself.

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

I am finally exclusively using the men's restroom, and while I am still pretty insecure, I feel 100% better.

Congrats on the milestone.  There’s nothing like crushing a barrier like that especially when it makes your life so much easier to live afterwards.  In no time, you won’t even think about which bathroom to use.  It will become automatic for you.

 

Good for you @A. Dillon

Susan R?

[ShawnaLeigh]

What can I add to this?  Except I am proud of you for braving your fears.  It is a hard thing to beat down an internal fear.  

You crushed it with the restroom issue.  That's a Biggy.  I have yet to enter the female restroom.  But I'm luck at work because most of them are gender neutral.  So I'm cheating.  LOL

[Belle]

Great job Dillon! It takes balls to do that!

 

I had a hard time even using a gender neutral restroom when there were men's and women's restrooms also available. But I felt very accomplished afterwards. There aren't too many of those opportunities though

[Jackie C.]

@BelleI have an app on my phone, Refuge Restrooms, that shows you where the nearest unisex bathroom is if you live in a state that has bathroom laws. I do. I'm choosing to flaunt them, but we have them here. If Texas has a similar law, you could take advantage without ruffling any feathers.

 

Hugs!

[Belle]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

@BelleI have an app on my phone, Refuge Restrooms, that shows you where the nearest unisex bathroom is if you live in a state that has bathroom laws. I do. I'm choosing to flaunt them, but we have them here. If Texas has a similar law, you could take advantage without ruffling any feathers.

 

Hugs!

Yes we do have a similar law! It was a state law passed a few years ago to override a Houston city ordinance that allowed people to use the public restroom of their gender regardless of sex. The ordinance punished businesses and individuals that did not comply. This caused huge backlash from the Republican grassroots and the state law passed easily.

[Belle]

And thank you for the app @Jackie C.!

[DeeDee]

Good for you Dillon. When it comes to responding to calls of nature there are always plenty of guys who only use a stall, I just wish many of them would lift the seat first! ?  If you are comfortable others will be comfortable, furtive glances and nervousness are what make someone stand out, well that and ignoring the unofficial spacing rules for urinals or troughs... I find myself singing along to a lot of female leads in the car, I may not sound like them but it can be affirming.  

[A. Dillon]

Well, had yet another argument with my dad in the car on the way home from school. He talked about how unlikely it is for me to be trans, and said "Marina (my sister with a girlfriend) says that she is gay, and you say that you are bi. Now how likely is it that my kids would be all that and trans?". He straight up refuses to read any articles or watch any videos done by trans people, and ops to read those by "unbiased" cisgender people who doubt their existence. He says that I will always be his daughter, and that he will never call me "he/him"* I just don't know what to do at this point. I am on medication for my depression, but it is not nearly enough, and that on top of my anxiety, strengthening ADHD, and general stress left me shaking so bad that I could barely properly use a spoon. I had to lay down for a few hours, and am in a slightly better place after listening to a lot of calming musuc, but I am still not great. I feel like I am trapped in a tiny cage, and some primal part of me is trying to rip its way out. I really care about him; I have always been the closest one to him for years, and I know things about him that no one else does, so why does he treat me like this? My mom never lets me say anything bad about him, and I am apparently supposed to feel bad for him because of how hard this is hitting him. I don't want to abandon this relationship, but at some point even I can see that being around him is doing more harm than good. I don't really know why I am posting this; maybe I just need someone else to know.

 

*He says that he will if I get a formal diagnosis that he believes, which essentially means never.

[Jackie C.]

That shouldn't be all that hard to come by, assuming of course the catch isn't "believes." Choosing not to believe evidence doesn't really help anybody. I suppose you could try, "OK Dad. Pony up. Who would you believe?" Assuming he picks an actual professional (like another gender therapist), what's the harm? You might even enjoy grousing about your dad to a professional.

 

Also, if he did the math, he'd know the odds are about one in 2000 that you're trans and your sister is gay. Goddess, I am such a geek.

 

I'm sorry he's putting you through all that Dillon. The people who know us best also know how best to hurt us. Still. Using the boys room. You've got people calling you by the right name and using the right pronouns. Things are going pretty well otherwise, right? Your dad will come around or he won't. I'm hoping that he will, because you seem to have a great relationship otherwise. Most dads seem to want a son. You think he'd be happy about that. Sometimes people make no sense to me.

 

We're still pulling for you anyway. Dude's got this.

 

Hugs!

[A. Dillon]

Thank you. I am trying to focus on the positive, and have decided to set this aside as a "him" problem. He can learn to accept me or not, but I am still who I am no matter what he says. I am trying to avoid car rides with him now for my own sanity though, so hopefully that will keep me from dwelling on it. 

 

I feel kind of bad for posting a good amount of depressing stuff here, but I thank you all for listening anyway. 

 

Sincerely,

Dillon

[Belle]

45 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

Thank you. I am trying to focus on the positive, and have decided to set this aside as a "him" problem. He can learn to accept me or not, but I am still who I am no matter what he says. I am trying to avoid car rides with him now for my own sanity though, so hopefully that will keep me from dwelling on it. 

Dillon, I totally understand what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing with my wife. She would accept a diagnosis if she "believes" it, and she's getting "unbiased" information from cis and religious sources. It has been helpful for my wife and me to not talk about it except for specific times and with a 30 minute time limit or with our marriage therapist. We JUST got finished with an argument because we crossed those boundaries. We figured out we are trying to 'educate' one another. But we simply aren't going to agree. It will have to be outside influences that change either of us.

 

I really hope it doesn't come down to the destruction of our relationship.

 

45 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

I feel kind of bad for posting a good amount of depressing stuff here, but I thank you all for listening anyway.

Don't feel bad! We want to be here and we all have gone through our are going through depressing stuff. This is the place to vent. You won't be judged. Instead you'll be understood, affirmed and supported. So please keep posting your woes! It helps us all feel less alone when you do that.

 

Belle ❤️

[ShawnaLeigh]

12 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

He says that he will if I get a formal diagnosis that he believes, which essentially means never.

Well there you go.  Have them arrange a gender therapist for you.  A professional doctor knows how to explain things to you and your parents.  

Good Luck Buddy!

[A. Dillon]

We are trying to get in to see a gender therapist, but this waiting list is really long and my mom keeps not filling out the forms. He says he will count it as "an opinion", but that his own personal experience with me is what he is going to trust.

[ShawnaLeigh]

54 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

He says he will count it as "an opinion", but that his own personal experience with me is what he is going to trust.

Getting an official diagnoses can take a long while as well so just be prepared for that as well.  They wont label you and they do have to make sure themselves before informing your parents one way or the other.

Changing the hearts and minds of those closest to you is the biggest challenge  too I have found.  Especially parents as they have know you since your birth.  The raised you and have an ingrain sense of who they see you as.  Its not impossible but difficult.  It will boil down to love and acceptance eventually.

My mother still professes a lot of love for me but simply can not accept my changes.  She wants so bad to have a relationship with her first born, her baby, her son but he is no longer here.  Plus we fight like cats and dogs so I keep my distance so as not to make things worse.  She is very old now and her generation seems to have the biggest issues with anything trans.  In my experience anyways.

 

I wish you luck and keep the faith.  You are who you are even if you are still trying to learn what that is yourself.

[Jackie C.]

13 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

Thank you. I am trying to focus on the positive, and have decided to set this aside as a "him" problem. He can learn to accept me or not, but I am still who I am no matter what he says. I am trying to avoid car rides with him now for my own sanity though, so hopefully that will keep me from dwelling on it. 

 

I feel kind of bad for posting a good amount of depressing stuff here, but I thank you all for listening anyway. 

 

Sincerely,

Dillon

 

It's fine my dude. (I probably used that wrong. I'm more "Mary Poppins" than "Street.") That's what we're here for.

 

Besides, friends that can't handle you when you're feeling down don't deserve to share your triumphs.

 

Hugs!

[A. Dillon]

Another success; I shopped all alone in the men's section and got some pretty dapper looking button ups. They hugged me curves a bit too much, but I have a sweater to put over them. I was really stressed, but I still managed to get myself a couple pairs of boxers too. Wearing women's underwear has been the bane of my existence for months now, something that would remind me that under all of the layers, I was just a girl playing pretend. But now, I feel like I really belong. It is such a small thing, and no one else will know, but it really help me. Plus, it gives me a more square figure, which always helps.

 

My mom has been really coming around on this whole thing, and while she still gets mad if I correct her pronoun use, she tries to call me he sometimes. Plus, she will comment when I am kind of insecure that there is nothing about me that looks female, which is a big boost.

[Belle]

38 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

Another success; I shopped all alone in the men's section and got some pretty dapper looking button ups. They hugged me curves a bit too much, but I have a sweater to put over them. I was really stressed, but I still managed to get myself a couple pairs of boxers too.

I switched to boxers years ago. My wife thinks they're comfortable but doesn't wear them. If she did I don't think she could complain when I want to wear hers.

 

38 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

Wearing women's underwear has been the bane of my existence for months now, something that would remind me that under all of the layers, I was just a girl playing pretend.

I hate that voice of doubt. Our own bodies deceive us and everyone around us. The incongruence is a relentless bitch.

 

38 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

My mom has been really coming around on this whole thing, and while she still gets mad if I correct her pronoun use, she tries to call me he sometimes. Plus, she will comment when I am kind of insecure that there is nothing about me that looks female, which is a big boost.

It's nice that she's at least trying

 

Belle ❤️

[Jackie C.]

8 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

My mom has been really coming around on this whole thing, and while she still gets mad if I correct her pronoun use, she tries to call me he sometimes. Plus, she will comment when I am kind of insecure that there is nothing about me that looks female, which is a big boost.

 

I don't correct anybody. I just give them sort of an amused, "Really? What part of this screams 'boy' to you?" look. Then they correct themselves and everybody's happy. Bonus points if they do it while I'm wearing my shirt that says, "SHE, HER, HERS" in a giant font.

It's cool that she gets how to life your spirits like that though.

 

When you feel up to it, you should totally make a gallery and show us how dapper you look in your new threads. Show off a little for the ladies. Also totally a boy trait. A guy can look like Jabba the Hutt crossed with a Chinese crested (that's a kind of ugly, ugly dog), stare at himself in the mirror, flex and think "Nice!"

 

8 hours ago, Belle said:

I switched to boxers years ago. My wife thinks they're comfortable but doesn't wear them. If she did I don't think she could complain when I want to wear hers.

 

That's funny! The first thing my wife asked when I came out to her was, "Have you been wearing my underwear?" I found that hilarious because (a) I wouldn't fit into her underwear and (b) she wears "granny panties," so why would I want to? I prefer bikini style thank you very much.

 

The nice thing about "the voice of doubt" is that it goes away. Not all at once, but in a year or two you'll forget it was ever there. You'll just be you and that feels fantastic.

 

So progress! Huzzah! I'm glad things are (mostly) working out for you sweetie. Give your mom a hug for me. She's being awesome and I've got all these mom-hugs that are just going to waste.

 

Hugs!

[jayjeep]

Good for you. I have  yet to venture into the mens room but my struggle is that I don't think I pass enough yet. I still get misgendered a lot in public.