So confused now

[Ashlee]

Hi all. It's been another Gap since I've posted anything. I just been living life and not really thinking about being trans anymore really. I don't really think about it I just live as myself. Well, now I don't know what to do. I've been just living my life and doing what I do everyday. Not acting like anything or caring what people think. I didn't really think that I was possible with my voice or anything but most people never misgender me anymore I never really get called he. Well I got to A Kava bar and frequent it often. Just hang out and relax. Well I met a guy named Gustavo from Brazil and have been talking with him about all kinds of stuff cars and motorcycles and kava everything we just hang out together. Well tonight when I went to go home he gave me a hug before I could stop him he gave me a kiss. I am so afraid to go back up there or to see him again. I thought he knew I was trans. I thought everybody could tell that I am trans. I don't really try to hide it unless I feel threatened. The thing is is I like him a lot but I never thought that anything would happen because I don't know how he feels about dating a trans woman. He would probably date secretly I would never let those guys delivery would be seen in public or whatever now I'm scared to go back up to the kava bar I'm scared to talk to him I don't know what to do. I never really thought about bottom surgery is being a top priority of God cuz I've always been happy lately. Now I'm thinking about bottom surgery is all kinds of thoughts are going through my head, really like this guy. Now I'm afraid that we can't even be friends if I tell him I'm trans. I just don't know if he knows I'm trans I don't know anything. I really like him though

[VickySGV]

That is one of those sticky places we can get into for sure.  It is entirely possible that he has not read you as Trans which is fine as long as life is above the waist line. Most places I go to that are not Trans specific do not think I am too odd and I am accepted until I decide it is safe(r) for me to come out which so far has not changed the acceptance factor but I am lucky that so far mine has not lead to romance.  In your place, I would say to stay away for a week or two so that you can calm down.  You do have valid reason to be a bit scared.  During the time away, see if you can get someone who does know about your "history" to be with you the next time you see the person who has treated you romantically and have them be close enough to step in if trouble starts but not threatening the guy until needed.  Brazil does not have a good record with the Trans community, but there are very wonderful individuals from there that do respect us.  With your security partner close ask him how he does feel about the Trans community without coming out to him, and based on the answer you get either leave quickly or take it small steps toward the relationship, 

[Sally Stone]

Ashlee,

 

I'd like to second Vicky's advise.  Her recommendations are very sound and very practical.  It's probably better to have someone along when you decide to reveal that you are trans.  I wouldn't let this incident hasten a decision about surgery though.  It is important to make that decision with your heart and only for yourself. 

 

Hugs,

 

Sally 

[Jani]

I think it was very forward of him to hug and kiss you without your implied or actual permission.  Scary.  IMO he doesn't know your status and it may be a dangerous situation to be alone with him. 

Just my 2 cents.

 

On the other hand this experience has put surgery in a new light for you.  

Jani

[Jackie C.]

A Brazilian man named Gustavo... wow. I'm not into guys and I just heated up a little. Could be the way you wrote it, but I'm all aflutter.

 

Vicky is right though, find out how he feels about the community in general. Bring backup. That's always a good idea anyway. There are bad people out there. There are also good people who do bad things when their manhood is challenged. You probably remember how it is. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.

 

I agree with Jani too. A friendly hug is one thing. Lots of my friends are huggers. The kiss is something else. Depending on how he kissed you at any rate. A peck on the forehead is more forgivable than going straight for your lips. That's a bit forward. Unless things have changed a LOT since I was in the dating pool, but #MeToo makes me think things are about the same.

 

So yeah, cool off a little, get a friend and feel the situation out a little better. Maybe you being trans is a deal breaker. Maybe this is the start of something wonderful. Best of luck @Ashlee! We're rooting for you.

 

Hugs!

[Lee H]

He kissed you, right? Not the other way around? And it was sudden and unexpected, not the next step in a sexy progression? And he didn't ask permission first?

So surely heed the advice from the other girls on this site, please; I'm a very complete newbie, so my advice is probably worth exactly what you paid for it, but...,  if it went down as you described, I think your knowing the actual honest answers to those questions will enable you to be the judge of him, not vice versa. As I said many times to three daughters and several of their friends, girls get a choice, too....

Ie, there's really no reason for you to be defensive, is there honey? You did nothing needing a defense, despite what others might say.