Dysphoria around Family

[Spencer]

Hey brothers!

 

My parents accept me and love me for who I am and helped pay for my testosterone when I first started transitioning. My mother even understands the gender scale and is slowly but surely becoming more aware of LGBT+ people in her social life. Despite being Republicans, they love me and get angry at the idea of LGBT+ parents kicking their children out of their homes. Their acceptance has surprised me over the years and continues to surprise me the more I have LGBT+ related conversations with them.

 

However, whenever I am around my parents I still feel like that little girl/child I was throughout my childhood. Is this some kind of transference? 

 

And is there any way to combat this feeling? 

[Charlize]

Perhaps the only thing that will help is time.  Even years later you may still find some of those feelings.  That is something i've mostly come to accept as part of transition.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

I think it may lessen with time, but may not go away completely. It's a common and normal thing to feel like your parents kid you'e been when around them.

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[Jani]

1 hour ago, Timber Wolf said:

It's a common and normal thing to feel like your parents kid you'e been when around them.

This is correct IMO.  My mother will always be my mother, someone I can confide in, who cares for me deeply.  She's in her late 80's now. 

[tracy_j]

Dysporia aside, I think there is a feeling of uncertainty when in a family setting. Maybe it is just me?

 

Tracy

[A. Dillon]

Yeah, I think my therapist put it best; they changed the diapers on their little girl, not their son. They except you, and that is great, but there is still that lingering feeling. I have this around anyone who knew me before I came out, because they knew me as this person that I never was. It just kinda sticks to me, and I even moved away from friends I have known for just a couple years because it makes me so insecure in my gender when I am constantly reminded that I didn't always know. If you had asked me 3 years ago, I would have said that I was female, with some shame and pain in my heart for sure, but I still would have said it. Now I feel a lot of shame for those times, and I usually have a hard time around my family even when they are supportive because to them, I was truly Amelia, without the weight and shame that came with it for me. They don't have that pressure in the back of their minds telling them that that was wrong, and I think that might be what you are talking about - do they really believe it? Can they just as easily go back to seeing you as female? 

 

Another reason for that feeling of separation might simply be because the experiences that you went through that they did not. You have had all of these feelings and dysphoria that they never faced, as that can and does change a person. It is, and while this is not a great analogy, coming back from war; you have seen a lot, and they just can't really understand that. It isn't abnormal, and a lot of people could probably relate to that feeling of distance. All you can really do is spend time with them and try to become closer.

[Susan R]

On 2/2/2020 at 12:08 AM, Spencer said:

However, whenever I am around my parents I still feel like that little girl/child I was throughout my childhood. Is this some kind of transference? 

 

And is there any way to combat this feeling?

I think, like others mentioned, time will help with this.  As you become more independent and they see you becoming more masculine and comfortable in that masculinity, they’re behavior, attitude, and your overall relationship will evolve.

 

I can see it happening in my life.  My parents have both passed years ago so I can’t use them as an example but my Son-in-law and I used to do guy things together.  We’d talk sports, work on his home fixing things, fix computers together, spend hours in Home Depot shopping, went to MMA events together, lots a guy type stuff, etc...you get it.  It was hard for him at first but his expectations have changed a little over time.  I still do what I can for him but the relationship has definitely changed.  We have found new areas of interest to talk about and I can still help him with things but I let him take the lead...it works for us.  It will likely change more as time goes on as it will for your mom and dad.  Just be patient, it will happen.  You’re lucky to have the parents you have.  They seem very understanding and accepting...for Republicans that is.?

 

Susan R?