Briefly gendered correctly today

[Belle]

I was in line at the pharmacy with my daughters with one hand on my hip while I waited. The cashier was only looking at me out of the corner of her eye when she said "I can help you ma'am." The she looked straight at me and said, "err... sir." I was presenting as male.

 

I have let go of my forced masculine body language, so it's become much more feminine, which is my natural state. I don't feel like I'm acting or even trying. I feel like I'm acting when I act male. The only thing I have had to work at has been my walk. But I can feel it now, how my hips are driving my walk rather than just my legs, causing a natural sway. I have already started walking more like a woman without thinking about it. I also have noticed myself sitting with crossed legs the right way without thinking about it.

 

Every little confirmation is helpful to battle the dysphoria and incongruence.

 

And of course, the cashier could have simply been tired, but it felt nice anyways.

 

Belle ❤

[Lexi C]

Congrats Bell. It a double edge sword. I get really pump when that happens, but supper( I mean super) depress when I can sir instead of miss. Congrats again glad things are going well

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

That is wonderful to be mistaken as your true self even though you resent male. It must of been a nice little win in your book.  It would of for me.   I have yet to be misgendered as female either in person or over the phone.  My voice is naturally in a gender neutral range so if I even try to reach a more feminine sound I feel I don't sound half bad so the phone is what confuses me a bit.

I still present fully male in public so I understand not being gendered as female though my appearance has definitely soften a lot in my opinion and those who know me well are amazed at how much more feminine I appear to them.  When I wear my wig with no makeup I and told I would definitely pass easily.  Or they are just trying to be nice.  I still see the male in there.

 

I know what you mean as well with not forcing a masculine body mannerism any more.  I certainly don't walk around with my chest puffed out nor my arm held in a more caveman stance. No be-bopping while I walk.   No swagger.

I feel more natural and have seen several changes in myself on how I react, talk with my arms and hands (I am French Canadian in decent-LOL) and the way I move in general.  I walk with a glide but I can not say I have any real hip motion or at least any I have noticed.  I find it strange that when I wear men's shoes I walk more like a man and when I wear my women's clogs I walk more femininely.  I'm not sure why because I have stopped trying to force anything either way.

[Lenneth]

Having only started transitioning relatively recently, my partner helped me pick out a number of things so my wardrobe reflects my identity and I picked up several different colors of nail polish.  I also found a lovely set of boots with a heels on them.  I also got pads for my bra.  That alone was such a wonderful feeling because I was finally expressing my identity.  The first time someone called me "ma'am" was incredibly validating and I was overjoyed.  Since then, it's been happening more often and I am just as happy as I was the first time.  I went to pick up fireworks for my son for new years and when the person ringing up asked a coworker about some signature and asked specifically "does she have to sign?"  There are a  dozen more incidents I could talk about, but essentially people are seeing me for who I am.  It also means so much to me given my mother's abject refusal to accept I'm trans.  Meaning she won't use the correct pronouns and name.  She's even petty enough to call my purse "my bag."  She refuses to acknowledge it's my purse.  She also is prone to loudly use the wrong pronouns if I am out with her in an effort to undermine my identity and passive aggresively trying to get people to see me as a male.  She actively tries to deny me the ability to present as my correct gender as often as possible.

So when people do use the correct pronouns I am on cloud nine.  It makes my day when people say and use the correct pronouns thus seeing the real me. 

[Charlize]

Lenneth i can hear your happiness in being recognized and supported by both your partner and society.  Give your mother time, but perhaps in the meantime distance.  I had someone close to me refuse to accept me but over time, when they saw others embracing me as i was ,they came around.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kathy2020]

Enjoy moments like this Belle, and expect them to become more frequent! I remember instances like this happening and being really happy at the time, but don't think that the cashier or others are making a mistake by "misgendering" you correctly. People generally identify gender unconsciously, so this type of thing should happen more often the more comfortable you get as your authentic self. There is a lot that goes into it too, from walking to your stance, how you speak, how your hair is flipped, the color or cut of your shirt. etc. As those things fall into place, you will get "ma'amed" more often even though you might feel you are presenting male-ish at the time. Just make sure to smile and act like everything is perfect in the world at that moment... because it is! 😊