How did you know what you were?

[Kyler R.]

So I keep thinking I know what I am but then I end up thinking I'm something different. I thought I was non-binary, then bigender, then ftm, then genderfluid, and then non-binary again. Maybe I'm just genderfluid or non-binary, or I'm just really indecisive. I know I really never feel very feminine and don't really like being perceived as a boy or a girl sometimes. 

 

How did you know that you were the gender you identify as? What lead you to this realization?

[ShawnaLeigh]

I fought my feelings for over four decades and never had a clue to what it all really was. I was so uneducated in it all.  Not until I had a break down and sought out help from a gender therapist did I learn about what and who I am.

It was not until October of 2019 did I start to learn anything about LBGTQ++++ and then I had no idea were I fell in that group.  I suspected I was more female then anything but did not understand why.  Or HOW!!!

Go see a gender therapist as they are trained to help you figure out this.

The internet is full of information but its not the best resource to diagnosing a gender dysphoria or disorder. 

Trust me. 

I tried.

[Kyler R.]

46 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I fought my feelings for over four decades and never had a clue to what it all really was. I was so uneducated in it all.  Not until I had a break down and sought out help from a gender therapist did I learn about what and who I am.

It was not until October of 2019 did I start to learn anything about LBGTQ++++ and then I had no idea were I fell in that group.  I suspected I was more female then anything but did not understand why.  Or HOW!!!

Go see a gender therapist as they are trained to help you figure out this.

The internet is full of information but its not the best resource to diagnosing a gender dysphoria or disorder. 

Trust me. 

I tried.

I forgot that gender therapists were a thing. Unfortunately I don't think I could go to one, as I'm a minor and my parents especially my dad (who controls the money) thinks gender is the same as sex (it's not). I want to be able to go to a gender therapist but I probably won't be able to go to one until after I am out of my parent's house.

[Mybuttlost]

I can understand what your going through, I myself am 15 and over the last year or so I've thought i was gender-fluid for a couple months then trans MtF for a good part of a year before questioning if i was bi gendered or nb leaning female or a demi-girl or gender-fluid. I've just kinda settled down with trans since it fits the best... Something out there is bound to fit, it doesn't always fit perfectly i don't know if anything will lol but you'll find something that fits don't just look and look take a break and think about how you want to express yourself and how you want to be referred as and such it'll help trust me. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me (although i'm not always on here lol)

[A. Dillon]

First off, there isn't really a problem with not knowing at first. This is a very complicated part of who you are, and no one expects you to have answers after the first day.

 

Second, everyone on this forum has been there at some point. WIth some people it is obvious once they start to transition, but even they were unsure at some point. Speaking from personal experience, I identified as non-binary for 6 months, in part because I was scared to be honest with myself or my parents due to all of the change that would bring but also because I just genuinely didn't know. I would suggest that you pick one set of pronouns, like they/them or he/him, to see what you are leaning towards. That really helped me, because after the first time being called "he" in public I was hooked. Try to pass specifically as one gender for maybe a couple of days, or just go for truly androgynous to see how that makes you feel. This is the time for experimenting, and there is no harm in trying. Your gender is how your mind is wired, and when you hit the right mark it will give you that dopamine that comes with being who you are. That might not happen the first time, or the second, or the third, but over time you will be able to see a trend. 

[A. Dillon]

Also, while you might not have a supportive enough situation to bind in, I would suggest trying to dress in a way that hides your chest with something like a sports bra do make it flatter. Having a flat chest, while it took a bit to really set in, has become second nature to me and now it is almost alien when I take it off. Are you out to your parents? If you aren't, most transphobic parents won't care if their "daughter" got a men's cut as long as it is not in an effort to look not female. 

[Kyler R.]

58 minutes ago, A. Dillon said:

Also, while you might not have a supportive enough situation to bind in, I would suggest trying to dress in a way that hides your chest with something like a sports bra do make it flatter. Having a flat chest, while it took a bit to really set in, has become second nature to me and now it is almost alien when I take it off. Are you out to your parents? If you aren't, most transphobic parents won't care if their "daughter" got a men's cut as long as it is not in an effort to look not female. 

I have cut my hair in a "men's cut" and have been dressing in a way that hides my chest for a while. I've dressed very neutral for a long time without really thinking about it. People think I'm male regularly and it actually bothers me sometimes. That's what confuses me. I want to not look like a girl I know that. It's confusing for me to think like that. For a while I thought I wanted people to think I was male. I've decided to go by they/them pronouns for now since using he/him has bothered me and I've known for a while that she/her pronouns just don't fit. 

[A. Dillon]

Honestly, I feel that. Even though I wanted to be male, I wanted to physically be male but not just be seen as male. It would always bother me when I was in the girl's bathroom and everyone would stare at me, while I knew why - I didn't look like I belonged there. Now that I am more comfortable with it and only using the boy's bathroom, I am in my element, but there is still part of me that wants to correct people when they call me a boy. At this point it is mostly just my depression telling me that I don't deserve to be deceiving all of these people about who I really am for my own happiness, but it didn't start out that way. It makes me feel really insecure, and I often doubt because of it if I am on the right path. But I say again, when it comes to being trans it is all about the trend, the build up over time, that gives you that push to move somewhere else. You don't necessarily know where that somewhere else is, but it is not here. Does that make sense to you? 

[TommieAnne]

It's really okay to take a while or be confused about "what" you are. I speak from experience as I'm nearly 70 and still trying to sort myself out.

It can be difficult trying to find the right label for ourselves. Unless you decide that it's okay to not have a label and just be yourself. That's kind of where I'm at.

TA

[Kyler R.]

15 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

Honestly, I feel that. Even though I wanted to be male, I wanted to physically be male but not just be seen as male. It would always bother me when I was in the girl's bathroom and everyone would stare at me, while I knew why - I didn't look like I belonged there. Now that I am more comfortable with it and only using the boy's bathroom, I am in my element, but there is still part of me that wants to correct people when they call me a boy. At this point it is mostly just my depression telling me that I don't deserve to be deceiving all of these people about who I really am for my own happiness, but it didn't start out that way. It makes me feel really insecure, and I often doubt because of it if I am on the right path. But I say again, when it comes to being trans it is all about the trend, the build up over time, that gives you that push to move somewhere else. You don't necessarily know where that somewhere else is, but it is not here. Does that make sense to you? 

Yes. It makes a lot of sense. I hate the stares that I get. People staring and subs doubting me. And maybe it's partly my mind saying you don't deserve to be who you are. I think one day I'll figure it out. I think part of my problem is that i feel like I should already know. Which reading these comments make me feel better because I'm not the only who doesn't know completely right now.