Betrayal...

[A. Dillon]

I thought that I could trust my mom, that she had my back when my dad just refused, but when I told her that I didn't want to change my name to Andy but Andrew, she started yelling at me. She said that I was being ungrateful, that she had tried so hard to get this in the first place, and that I was just trying to blow this all up by not compromising. She said that my dad had been willing to give a little bit, after months of being worn down, so I had to give too if I wanted to keep the peace. I just started crying, I felt so guilty for making her life harder, and in the end I caved and said I that I would go with Andy. Her whole face was red, I had never seen her this mad. I just don't know what to do, even when she doesn't say anything when my dad goes off on this I still thought that she was supportive, but I can see her getting mad whenever I bring up testosterone, telling me to stop trying to pass, it is really discouraging. I only have my sister and my boyfriend to turn to at this point, but losing that one thing is not helping.

[TTheta]

I am so sorry :(( I would have felt like I was stabbed in the back. One of the few people who you trusted would turn against you. That hurts more than anything. I am going to work harder and fill the role she left empty, I will support you more than she ever could. It really sucks not having either parent be supportive, sorry (times 100) 

 

If a name doesn't fit, it doesn't fit don't compromise your name, because it's more than just a name, it's who you are. Do not feel bad for not wanting Andy or Andrew, you are Dillon, end of story. 

[A. Dillon]

I am ok with having Andrew as my first, I think it is fine but I am going to go by DIllon either way. Having the name Andrew would let every time I see that "A" from my deadname mean something else, so I don't mind going with that. However, really don't like Andy, it is too short and doesn't fiit me at all. I thought that my mom was supportive, but it just seems like she is trying to force us through and then be done with it, she doesn't like talking about problems. I have some friends to talk to, but no matter how well-meaning a cis person is, they just can't understand. Whenever I look in the mirror to make sure I pass, she says that I shouldn't and that I shouldn't care about what other people think, but I am doing it for me. She always tells me to stop talking about getting top surgery or testosterone, that I should just be grateful for how far I have gotten. It is not as bad as my dad, but I thought that she was rooting for me and now it seems as though she just doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She did the same thing with my sister being gay, just called it a phase and asked to not talk about it again. I just wish I had someone in my house who understood, someone who actually wanted me to achieve my goals.

[Jackie C.]

4 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

I am ok with having Andrew as my first, I think it is fine but I am going to go by DIllon either way. Having the name Andrew would let every time I see that "A" from my deadname mean something else, so I don't mind going with that. However, really don't like Andy, it is too short and doesn't fiit me at all. I thought that my mom was supportive, but it just seems like she is trying to force us through and then be done with it, she doesn't like talking about problems. I have some friends to talk to, but no matter how well-meaning a cis person is, they just can't understand. Whenever I look in the mirror to make sure I pass, she says that I shouldn't and that I shouldn't care about what other people think, but I am doing it for me. She always tells me to stop talking about getting top surgery or testosterone, that I should just be grateful for how far I have gotten. It is not as bad as my dad, but I thought that she was rooting for me and now it seems as though she just doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She did the same thing with my sister being gay, just called it a phase and asked to not talk about it again. I just wish I had someone in my house who understood, someone who actually wanted me to achieve my goals.

 

No, I get it. I tense up every time I hear (or read) my deadname too. I do not like reminders.

 

On the plus side, we're all rooting for you. We're not in your house (because that would be weird), but we're as close to you as we can be. Your mom sounds like a piece of work, but hey, at least she's still for letting you live in the house. One of my dearest friends in high school was working four part time jobs at sixteen so she could afford a crap apartment "under the table" while she tried to finish school.

 

The last time I saw her, she was working as a stripper. You gotta do what you gotta do. The greater sin was that she'd straightened her beautiful wavy hair and dyed it platinum blonde.

 

The point being, just remember you don't have to be under their thumb much longer and you can pursue your transition at your own pace. You are so very close to being a legal adult and, while the nonsense from the people that are supposed to be nurturing and supporting you hurts, it doesn't have a hold on you forever. Your found family will always have your back.

 

Hugs!

[Miseria]

Not having the support of close family members is pretty rough... You can have all the supportive friends in the world but home life can be hell... We are all just a key stroke away if you need us.?