COMING OUT or: A University Lives Up to that Ideal

[Violet]

This is the second in a Series of reports of the past 6 months of my transitioning.

Between middle-August to middle-October 2019 was a very heady time. By the first PP visit in late September I knew that the next time my dissertation director [hereafter: DD] emailed that she wanted to meet, I was gonna come out & prepare her for Violet. I’d read Anne L. Boedecker’s The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a Successful Transition; she’s a Ph.D. therapist with over 30 years of experience with transgender people, & her book was really helpful! Anyhoodles, she says you shouldn’t just stroll in premiering your true self without preparing the person(s) if they’re really important to you, be it family, lovers, close friends, profession. That made sense to me, although, obviously: you're allowed to do things your own way. So, sure enough, my DD emailed. And so, sure enough, I came out. I wrote:

Hi, Dr. _______. Yes! Your proposed meeting sounds perfect & I'll be there. However, with that proposal it's now time for me to tell you some very good (if very unusual) personal news. Why tell you now?

Because I'm a transgender woman & I'm now publicly presenting my true self. So, in our future meetings I'll be appearing in a wig, makeup, & a dress. My name is Violet, with pronoun choices of she/her. You are the first person at _______ I've informed of my being a transgender woman. Any comments or questions you may have are welcome.

Thanks as Always!   -Violet.

            She was wonderful & utterly supportive, asking if she was allowed to share this news. So, I responded Wow! You're breaking my heart you're so kind & sweet, Dr. _______! Yes, feel free to tell any & everyone. That October meeting was…exciting? Intense? Wig worries? YES!! Ugh! How can “wigs” not be a 4-letter word!! ….Ok, wait: it actually is a 4-letter word! I knew it! Somehow… I just KNEW it!

            We met & she said I was lovely in my rosy burgundy wrap dress & aqua chunky heels. The Office Administrator & her assistant were so kind & positively preemptive, printing up lots of info on how I could change my name with the university & the pertinent material regarding trans rights there. My DD & I discussed my being trans & not knowing & my life more than my dissertation, actually! Just like at PP, I found myself joyful, filled with pride, as I walked throughout these oh-so-familiar halls & grounds, but without the drudgery of carrying around the façade of a man I never was.

            After, I went to the ladies’ room to—in addition to the obvious—change from my heels to my flats—as it was a bit of walk back to my car. A few profs actually live a street or two over from our building. So, who did I see walking outside towards the department as I walked back to my car? Dr. ______, the prof I’ve always had the easiest, most genuine rapport with since I started there a million years ago. I wasn’t nervous, but excited. He stopped of course & as we chatted, he was charming & kind, & flat out said Y’know? Of all the weird things you’ve said in my classes? This is easily the most normal thing you’ve ever done, Violet. And besides: you’re beautiful! So, I’m tearing up a little now as I write this; soooo little schoolgirl! Anyhoodles, that was awesome!! I was so happy he & I still had the same friendly feelings going on; people familiar with the old/pseudo you can sometimes get noticeably stiff & overly formal when they realize you’re trans “now”. But everyone in the department since has also been supportive; gawd, I’m exceedingly fortunate.

            So, the next night Ruthie & I went to orchestra concert (she’d formerly dated the conductor/founder a couple of years before she & I’d started dating). I rocked the same outfit as the day before. It was lovely, although I received a couple of slight, down-turned glances; but nothing more. An axiom? Bear in mind: much rudeness, it is true, is legal… [Much more in a future report on our next orchestra concert appearance, btw.]

[Astrid]

Congrats, Violet!  What wonderful news!  

 

No need to answer if you don't wish, but I'm curious about your field of study for your dissertation.  Might it be music-related?

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

[ShawnaLeigh]

Your titled drew me in as I work for a University that is over the top supportive to LBGTQ++ and is proud of it.  They are like a junk yard dog if they even "think" someone is being disrespectful to a LBGTQ person and if they are being this way its curtains for that individual.

I feel extremely bless to be working for a place that supports my life choices as they do.  For instance I had asked about changing my work email address and my security badge to my new name yesterday.   Within an hour I had a team of 5 folks from various sections of the University  emailing me saying they will do this and that and actually way more then I even thought of and it ran into a 30+ email chain of support and diligence to just make me feel accepted and important.  I was blown away.  It truly is important to them to have me feel accepted and comfortable being who I am.  

Its almost like its to good to be true.

 

I'm long past my attending college years but I still take online courses (for free) as I feel you can never stop improving yourself.

Congrats on the incidents that you mentioned above.  They sound wonderful!

 

[Violet]

On 3/4/2020 at 11:09 PM, Astrid said:

Congrats, Violet!  What wonderful news!  

 

No need to answer if you don't wish, but I'm curious about your field of study for your dissertation.  Might it be music-related?

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

 

Philosophy! My Stars, you can just write your ticket on Wall Street with a Ph.D in it. Really? NO! ; ) Also, I'm a huge music fan (presently listening/getting to know Jimmy Scott); & guitar player 35 yrs. Thx for asking!!

[Astrid]

8 hours ago, Violet said:

 

Philosophy! My Stars, you can just write your ticket on Wall Street with a Ph.D in it. Really? NO! ; )

<grin> As I know so well with my Ph.D. in music theory. Had a good cry when I couldn't find a teaching position, ultimately ended up coding for a living and never looked back. Now that I'm retired I'm writing more music than ever. And playing the flute, as I have since childhood. Guitar and flute go well together, too! ?

 

Cheers,

 

Astrid