Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

COMING OUT or: A University Lives Up to that Ideal


Recommended Posts

This is the second in a Series of reports of the past 6 months of my transitioning.

Between middle-August to middle-October 2019 was a very heady time. By the first PP visit in late September I knew that the next time my dissertation director [hereafter: DD] emailed that she wanted to meet, I was gonna come out & prepare her for Violet. I’d read Anne L. Boedecker’s The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a Successful Transition; she’s a Ph.D. therapist with over 30 years of experience with transgender people, & her book was really helpful! Anyhoodles, she says you shouldn’t just stroll in premiering your true self without preparing the person(s) if they’re really important to you, be it family, lovers, close friends, profession. That made sense to me, although, obviously: you're allowed to do things your own way. So, sure enough, my DD emailed. And so, sure enough, I came out. I wrote:

Hi, Dr. _______. Yes! Your proposed meeting sounds perfect & I'll be there. However, with that proposal it's now time for me to tell you some very good (if very unusual) personal news. Why tell you now?

Because I'm a transgender woman & I'm now publicly presenting my true self. So, in our future meetings I'll be appearing in a wig, makeup, & a dress. My name is Violet, with pronoun choices of she/her. You are the first person at _______ I've informed of my being a transgender woman. Any comments or questions you may have are welcome.

Thanks as Always!   -Violet.

            She was wonderful & utterly supportive, asking if she was allowed to share this news. So, I responded Wow! You're breaking my heart you're so kind & sweet, Dr. _______! Yes, feel free to tell any & everyone. That October meeting was…exciting? Intense? Wig worries? YES!! Ugh! How can “wigs” not be a 4-letter word!! ….Ok, wait: it actually is a 4-letter word! I knew it! Somehow… I just KNEW it!

            We met & she said I was lovely in my rosy burgundy wrap dress & aqua chunky heels. The Office Administrator & her assistant were so kind & positively preemptive, printing up lots of info on how I could change my name with the university & the pertinent material regarding trans rights there. My DD & I discussed my being trans & not knowing & my life more than my dissertation, actually! Just like at PP, I found myself joyful, filled with pride, as I walked throughout these oh-so-familiar halls & grounds, but without the drudgery of carrying around the façade of a man I never was.

            After, I went to the ladies’ room to—in addition to the obvious—change from my heels to my flats—as it was a bit of walk back to my car. A few profs actually live a street or two over from our building. So, who did I see walking outside towards the department as I walked back to my car? Dr. ______, the prof I’ve always had the easiest, most genuine rapport with since I started there a million years ago. I wasn’t nervous, but excited. He stopped of course & as we chatted, he was charming & kind, & flat out said Y’know? Of all the weird things you’ve said in my classes? This is easily the most normal thing you’ve ever done, Violet. And besides: you’re beautiful! So, I’m tearing up a little now as I write this; soooo little schoolgirl! Anyhoodles, that was awesome!! I was so happy he & I still had the same friendly feelings going on; people familiar with the old/pseudo you can sometimes get noticeably stiff & overly formal when they realize you’re trans “now”. But everyone in the department since has also been supportive; gawd, I’m exceedingly fortunate.

            So, the next night Ruthie & I went to orchestra concert (she’d formerly dated the conductor/founder a couple of years before she & I’d started dating). I rocked the same outfit as the day before. It was lovely, although I received a couple of slight, down-turned glances; but nothing more. An axiom? Bear in mind: much rudeness, it is true, is legal [Much more in a future report on our next orchestra concert appearance, btw.]

Link to comment

Congrats, Violet!  What wonderful news!  

 

No need to answer if you don't wish, but I'm curious about your field of study for your dissertation.  Might it be music-related?

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

Link to comment

Your titled drew me in as I work for a University that is over the top supportive to LBGTQ++ and is proud of it.  They are like a junk yard dog if they even "think" someone is being disrespectful to a LBGTQ person and if they are being this way its curtains for that individual.

I feel extremely bless to be working for a place that supports my life choices as they do.  For instance I had asked about changing my work email address and my security badge to my new name yesterday.   Within an hour I had a team of 5 folks from various sections of the University  emailing me saying they will do this and that and actually way more then I even thought of and it ran into a 30+ email chain of support and diligence to just make me feel accepted and important.  I was blown away.  It truly is important to them to have me feel accepted and comfortable being who I am.  

Its almost like its to good to be true.

 

I'm long past my attending college years but I still take online courses (for free) as I feel you can never stop improving yourself.

Congrats on the incidents that you mentioned above.  They sound wonderful!

 

Link to comment
On 3/4/2020 at 11:09 PM, Astrid said:

Congrats, Violet!  What wonderful news!  

 

No need to answer if you don't wish, but I'm curious about your field of study for your dissertation.  Might it be music-related?

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

 

Philosophy! My Stars, you can just write your ticket on Wall Street with a Ph.D in it. Really? NO! ; ) Also, I'm a huge music fan (presently listening/getting to know Jimmy Scott); & guitar player 35 yrs. Thx for asking!!

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Violet said:

 

Philosophy! My Stars, you can just write your ticket on Wall Street with a Ph.D in it. Really? NO! ; )

<grin> As I know so well with my Ph.D. in music theory. Had a good cry when I couldn't find a teaching position, ultimately ended up coding for a living and never looked back. Now that I'm retired I'm writing more music than ever. And playing the flute, as I have since childhood. Guitar and flute go well together, too! ?

 

Cheers,

 

Astrid 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 126 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
    • MirandaB
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,031
    • Most Online
      8,356

    jacobb
    Newest Member
    jacobb
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      Neither up nor down, just being.
    • Heather Shay
      Tension is not a well-understood psychological state. It can be both positive and negative, much like stress itself. A 2015 research paper on the theoretical framework of tension notes it's an anticipatory emotional state which tends to be associated with: conflict.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • atlantis63
      thanks. good to be back
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/27/politics/lgbtq-health-care-biden-administration-rules-affordable-care-act/index.html   Personally, I think this is a very good thing.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'd love to have a dinner party with Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Voltaire, and Ayn Rand.  Would definitely be an interesting time. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      In the forward I learn that transgenderism is bad, and somewhere else that transgender ideology is bad.  I have not yet read a definition of either in the document.  I assume they are the same.  I know Focus on a Family has a definition of transgenderism on their website, or did, but I am not sure this is the same as that.  I might agree that transgenderism is bad if they use a definition I condemn (e.g. transgenderism means you always pour ketchup in your shoes before you put them on - I could not agree to that).  Is someone who believes in transgenderism, whatever it is, a transgenderist? I never see that term.  There may be other definitions out there, but I don't think there is an Official Definition that we all agree to.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Crazy fact, was gonna go to the school where this went down at before I moved, have a lot of friends there. I know at least one of my friends met the guy on one occasion, not knowing who it was.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They are thinking of Loudon.  The problem there was the girls were not protected from a known predator, who was moved from one school to another instead being effectively disciplined.  Outlaw school administrators? <sarc>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      How ironic.  I agree with the governor "“You cannot change your gender; you cannot pick your gender…there is a confused group of people that somehow think you can,”    - we are what we are, we are fighting the fact we CANNOT change our gender, which we did not pick.  Many if not all of us would not have picked a trans condition and have sought to evade, deny or move out or resolve it anyway we can.  Those who are confused on this issue are not trans folk.  They want us to change our gender but they deny we can.  Confusion.  
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH no one can satisfy your questions about what will the future hold. But I can advise you to slow your mind down as much as you're able. Take it slow and one moment at a time. This advice goes beyond the practical reality that that's truly all you can do - further, try to enjoy each moment. It's clear you have a lot of aspirations regarding transition. But it's best to try to accept the bounds of your life circumstances at present because if you develop worries or even resentments about them, that will only make you bitter and more anxious. Instead, try to focus on anything you find affirming. Practice positive self-talk and give yourself affirmations too. Try to let go of expectations of your family members - they can only deal with change to the capacity they're able due to their own life conditions. Allow them grace as you wish they would allow you. Practice patience.   Try this exercise - read through your post and make one list of the positive developments and another of things you cannot control (including the future). If you have a sense of spirituality, offer the second list as a sacrifice to however you understand a higher power - leave it in their hands. If you're not spiritual, then offer it up to hope. Then throw that list away. Keep the list of positives and leave some room on it because guaranteed you'll have more and more to add. Look forward to that, but don't let your mind think it can rush things. Try to enjoy the ride. 
    • Vidanjali
      Happy birthday, Sam! Lotsa love!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I still have not read much of this.  Very little of this document pertains to trans folk.  Some of the statements are more than problematic concerning trans folk.   It certainly was not written just to get us.   " those with gender dysphoria should be expelled from military service."  and "Reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military. Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service,"  https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-04.pdf are two lines out of hundreds if not thousands regarding the Department of Defense, targeting trans folk in an almost off-hand manner.    So if a fighter pilot, say, or a ship's captain, highly experienced and trained at enormous expense, is determined to be transgender (method unknown) the US loses someone badly needed due to the personnel shortage who is ready, willing and able to perform their duties.  Many trans folk have served well and transitioned later.  I don't think this point is well thought out.    A number of policy recommendations I would disagree with.  I am not sure there is a method to discuss those with the authors; I am attempting to find out.  I have good conservative creds.    They are fully intending to implement this, regardless of who the president is, as long as that president is conservative. It is not Trump centered.  I don't think he had anything to do with it. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...