Anyone else experiencing a shift?

[ShawnaLeigh]

So I will keep this very PG rated but I have this question about experiencing a definite shift in some of my desires and attractions.  It sort of confuses me and honestly, still having a lot of past male conditioning I have yet to shed,  it scares and disgusts me too at some level.

Now I am a confessed and proud to be Lesbian and I have always ONLY had eyes for women.  Which this attraction and desire has not changed at all.

However I have been getting signals and feeling towards men too.  Too hard for me to explain just what or why but it is there.

I don't want these.  LOL

 

Seriously though I had a very dark incident at age 16 and lets just say I can not EVER imagine a time I will be ok or comfortable with "being with" a man even IF like this person.  I realize this is a topic for my therapist and I have begun exploring this with him but I was wondering of others have had or seen this shift.

 

I can say it is also for other things that always seemed gender specific or sterotyped (to me) even though realistically I know they or not.  Like some of my hobbies I enjoyed as a male not appealing so much to me now and things I had almost no interesting in before are fore front and super fun.

Is it just HRT rewiring?

This does concern me a bit too as I feel like I am loosing a part of my personality but gaining another piece to replace it. 

Not unhappily, but its just weird.

 

 

[KathyLauren]

I have heard of other people having their interests shift.  It hasn't happened to me.  Like you, and for similar reasons, I feel considerable disgust towards the idea of being with a man.  It would be quite disturbing if my body were to start reacting towards them.  It would feel like a betrayal of who I am.

 

I, too, have noticed a shift in my interests.  I no longer have much interest in fiddling with mechanical things.  Though, since I am the one who has the skills, I still end up doing them.

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

I no longer have much interest in fiddling with mechanical things.  Though, since I am the one who has the skills, I still end up doing them.

Yes!  I was a Technician my entire life and as so I was also the home carpenter, mechanic, appliance server "guy", electrician, gunsmith, archery-smith, etc. 

I can do all these things and have all the knowledge but I hate being classed as these are your duties because they always have been.  I just don't want to anymore.

I've lost interest in working on things with my hands and building thing.  That being said I still work as a medical equipment technician so that hasn't changed and those skills still get me a good paycheck but that's different.

 

[Donnie_1961]

I don't call myself a "Lesbian" because that offends my true lesbian friends. They had to fight a lot longer and harder to be accepted by society and some feel that a transgender person adopting that distinction demeans that accomplishment and hurts their cause.

 

 

 

[Jackie C.]

I've heard of that. I haven't... mostly... experienced that myself. I was pretty burned out on tech support even before I started transitioning. HRT can have that effect. You don't really gain or lose anything though. It's more like your personality rotates a bit so some traits become more prominent while others fade into the background.

For example; I've still got my temper, but you've got to work harder to trigger it. I'm more comfortable with the pick and choose shopping style my wife exhibits, but I still don't see any real reason to walk over every square foot in a store three times before we decide we don't want anything and leave. I still have an anxiety attack if I'm running late, etc...

It's all still in there. Some of it's just louder than it used to be. Overall, I'm much more comfortable with who I am now than the person I was before transitioning. She's pretty special to me.

 

I've heard of the "attraction to guys" thing too. Keep in mind, that very few people occupy the 0 (totally heterosexual) 3 (perfectly bisexual) and 6 (totally homosexual) slots on the Kinsey scale. The rest of us fall somewhere between. I'd rate myself somewhere between 4.5 and 5. I much prefer women. I'm not completely against the idea of being with the right guy, but he'd have to be very, very special. 

In the meantime, you're free to "enjoy the view" without acting on it. I can appreciate a pretty man. It doesn't mean my hormones are going to make me approach him. Much like before HRT, you can think to yourself, "Wow, they're hot," then get on with your day.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I much prefer women. I'm not completely against the idea of being with the right guy, but he'd have to be very, very special. 

This is me right now.  And.  It does not repulse me like it once had.  He seems the shift questioning.  
On the scale you mentioned I’m fading closer to a 3.5 to 4.  

[Lexi C]

I never being attract to men until I start CD full time, but once on HRT I find I neither attractive to either sex,( However, I consider myself Bi) I wish I was, at least I would have a purpose and finally meet someone. As for skills and traits. I worry more then ever about my looks, but I still get my hands dirty. HRT has mess with my Focus. I rather can sit through a movie or I forget things like crazy..The beginning on HRT I would have very erotic dreams but that since stop as well. Hope yr First day was a big sucess 

[ShawnaLeigh]

After speaking in depth about this with my therapist he had suggested to relax about it.

WOW good advice!  LOL

But seriously he said having thoughts, feelings and curiosity does not mean you have to act on it nor does it mean anything but you are curious to understand more about your own sexuality. 

 

He encourages me to let myself be open to this and explore these feelings.  Which I have and thought about tit a lot.  I am feeling more comfortable about it now.  I still have a dark unresolved issue from my past to overcome before I could ever be ok being with a male but that too is being worked on in therapy.

 

Now mind you, I have no plans to run out and jump the first hot guys bones I see but I am not going to limit myself over my own preconception of my original sexuality mind set.  If I land someplace as being Bisexual then so be it.  

If someone can treat me the way I deserve to be treated and loves me for ME then I am open to exploring this further.

However I do not do things that put me in a position to meet anyone male or female.  

I'm old still (even though I look fabulous!) and lead a private life and don't go out at all.  I live in a small state with not a lot of population as it is and the few places that would are hours away to go and enjoy and drink in a social setting. 

I suppose their is always dating sites but I am hesitate abut this with being trans.  Nevertheless I am not in a position to put myself out there yet anyways.

Still to many unresolved things in my life to add tragic love stories too.  LOL.

 

[Jackie C.]

Yeah, you have more than enough tragic love stories already. One with a happy ending would be nice, but there's no need to rush. Best to get used to Shawna before you worry about Shawna and her plus one.

 

You're just a couple of years older than I am though. I still feel young. You have plenty of time. I know women pursuing new relationships well into their seventies and beyond. They help me put things into perspective. 

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

I'm 52 and feel in my thirties at the oldest.  My mind and heart is far younger.

Yea I am not ready to be a spinster.  LOL

But not ready to add a Plus One either.

[TommieAnne]

It was a long time of struggling within myself to sort through my complex feelings of attraction. Growing up I had a built in negative reaction to being with a man. Then just before puberty I had a long term physical relationship with a male in which I was in the female role. I found that I liked that a lot.

Later I decided I was "supposed" to be attracted to women, pursued that and buried my feelings. Until they resurfaced gradually.

I'm sort of in the middle area, leaning towards preferring men. But still a bit mixed about things. I like to be friends people. Some of those friends could be intimate relationships but mostly I'm a mess when it comes to that.

My best advice is to give yourself permission to be yourself, and if the attraction happens then so be it.

TA

[Charlize]

I'm in a long term relationship with my wife of 48 years (+a couple prior to marriage).  At 71 post orchi my drive is more or less gone.  I am still attracted to women for their beauty but certainly enjoy being with men as well.  Who knows what the future may bring.

As to hobbies, i'm still an artist and farmer and enjoy everything.  Gender roles simply don't seem to apply.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Allison Meadows]

19 hours ago, Donnie_1961 said:

I don't call myself a "Lesbian" because that offends my true lesbian friends. They had to fight a lot longer and harder to be accepted by society and some feel that a transgender person adopting that distinction demeans that accomplishment and hurts their cause.

 

 

 

No matter what we call ourselves, I have always been entranced by the way women please each other. So sensuous, tender, romantic, without the things that traditional couples do that at times lack the wonderful joys of cuddling, gentle kisses, and soft touches. A former professor once referred to traditional intimacy as nothing more than pistons and valves.

[Susan R]

8 hours ago, Allison Meadows said:

I have always been entranced by the way women please each other. So sensuous, tender, romantic, without the things that traditional couples do that at times lack the wonderful joys of cuddling, gentle kisses, and soft touches

I was always a little envious of missing out on this as a child and even more so as a teen. I experienced it for the first time in my 20’s when I started living part time.  My girl friends we’re much more fluid in there tenderness and touch.  I enjoyed that aspect of being myself almost more than presenting.

 

As to the issue of a shift in my attraction to the opposite gender (men), I have always felt a much stronger physical attraction toward woman. My wife and I were talking about this subject last week.  She said she felt she was not lesbian but was physically attracted to me but couldn’t explain it entirely.  She asked me if I was more attracted to men now.  I told her I didn’t think there was much change but I do find a few men very attractive.  She laughed and asked, Really? Who? I thought..”what have I got myself into here...lol. Josh Holloway and maybe a young Clint Eastwood”. She said, “Oh you have a type...rugged and rough looking...lol”.  Anyways, after that conversation and especially after reading this thread I thought about it and have to say there might be a slight change for me toward men.  Is it the HRT or perhaps the delight when a man gives me attention?  I’m not sure but being happily married it’s probably just a curious look inward.at myself.

 

Interesting topic though, for sure.

Susan R?

[michelle_kitten]

I've been experiencing the same sort of shift.  I shifted to asexual before starting transition, and I am still in the camp sexually.  I can't imagine being with a man sexually, but...  I have found certain men attractive.  Visually, I am not very stimulated by men, as I once was with women, but personalities, mannerisms, and the like I am finding endearing and attractive.  I can almost, but not quite imagine my future self romantically involved with those guys, though can't even begin to imagine sex.  The idea of being cuddled, or embraced by a tall, strong guy is very appealing.

 

At the same time, I do find certain women pretty, but not attractive in a romantic nor in a sexual way.  That all went away with my transition into asexuality, and that was at least two years ago; well before even considering transition.  Prior to recently, the idea of being with another man in any way was just not even on my radar.

 

I've also found myself giggling, recently when guys say something cute or something I find delight in.  I am not sure where that came from.  My pre-estrogen self was not a chuckler and certainly not a giggler.  My therapist noted I was demonstrating developmental traits and behaviors of young girls as my HRT and transition progresses.  I wasn't even aware of a lot of it until she pointed it out.

 

So, yeah, I think my brain is being re-wired, and I haven't been too concerned about it.  I have totally been enjoying it.  If I end up liking guys; whatever.  I am finally becoming the person I truly am.  I am on this wild ride as far as it will take me, and I will take the ups and downs with it.

[ShawnaLeigh]

19 hours ago, Susan R said:

Anyways, after that conversation and especially after reading this thread I thought about it and have to say there might be a slight change for me toward men.  Is it the HRT or perhaps the delight when a man gives me attention?  I’m not sure but being happily married it’s probably just a curious look inward.at myself.

 

This was where I was thinking too.  Was it simply the brain rewiring that HRT can do over time or is it now the massive attention I am getting from men.  I try not to put to much into what I perceive as flirting or gawking and those that are super nice to me now when before they were not so much when I present male.  I admit to really loving the new attention and all the compliments and smiles I have been getting but I also feel it will die down soon enough.  "So soak it in while you can", I tell myself.  LOL

 

However I am still struggling with the thoughts of being in a relationship that is so off from what I know.  Although I have proven to myself I am not very good at being the male in relationships as it has resulted in four divorces and countless tragic love affairs prior to those.  I know heart break that's for sure.

 

Even the role reversal that would come from me being the women in the relationship when for decades I was the male.  I would have little trouble taking on such a female role and I actually look forward to this but it would still be strange for me.  I still have a bit of the "Alpha Male" attitude I ingrained into my personality that is still within me and I try to let it serve me as my strength and protection and to try and keep my emotions in check. 

Im not always succeful with this.  LOL  

[Susan R]

10 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I would have little trouble taking on such a female role and I actually look forward to this but it would still be strange for me.

Obviously, I can’t say with any certainty but I agree you may likely find comfort in taking on the female role in a relationship.  It may start out a little different at first but for me it’s been so refreshing letting my wife be the more assertive one in our relationship.  I’m not ashamed of it at all.  Yes, the alpha male part of me (which is completely gone now) had a little difficulty letting go but my wife and I are happier now than we have ever been.  We have found the perfect balance.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[MetaLicious]

I cannot speak to any shift, especially as I have yet to begin HRT.  I have been bi most of my life, but only a little.  There are men I find very attractive (Will Smith and Trevir Noah leap to mind), but sexually, I find men are more like porn - my interest in them drops to zero after I have gotten what I wanted, so I cannot see pursuing a relationship with a man.  For this reason, I tend to think of myself as a lesbian... 

On 3/10/2020 at 3:20 PM, Donnie_1961 said:

I don't call myself a "Lesbian" because that offends my true lesbian friends. They had to fight a lot longer and harder to be accepted by society and some feel that a transgender person adopting that distinction demeans that accomplishment and hurts their cause.

What offends me are cismales who claim to be "a lesbian trapped in a man's body" despite never showing the slightest hint of being anything other than cishet.  I avoided saying that (despite it being true) because I wasn't out, and I didn't want to be lumped with the crass men who made such jibes just to be crass. 

 

On 3/10/2020 at 4:07 PM, Jackie C. said:

In the meantime, you're free to "enjoy the view" without acting on it. I can appreciate a pretty man. It doesn't mean my hormones are going to make me approach him. Much like before HRT, you can think to yourself, "Wow, they're hot," then get on with your day.

Yes, indeed! (she said while fantasizing about Trevor Noah's dimples)

 

16 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Even the role reversal that would come from me being the women in the relationship when for decades I was the male.  I would have little trouble taking on such a female role and I actually look forward to this but it would still be strange for me.

I got lucky - I never was the alpha type in the first place, and my wife has much more earning potential than I ever did.  It was a no brainer when we were deciding who would stay at home with the kid.  Daycare was going to eat all my income anyhow, so might as well not go to work and let a stranger raise our child.  And I had no idea how well I would take to the kitchen.  I am blessed by being able to enjoy the female role in our household even before starting my transition.

[Maid In Bedlam]

Its very simple for me I LIKE MEN. Sean Bean does it for me. or Phillip Glenister. Ohh i so swoon.

 

But this wasnt always the case. I suppose I was Bi once. But after one crap marriage to a woman i relised then it was really guys that floated my boat. 

 

 

If i can explain:

 

When you are in the womb, your brain becomes hard wired for certain things... it is hard wired to do things like allow you to breath and eat, learn a language and motor skills, but most importantly, your sexual orientation is hard wired as well. Ask any Gay man. They dont just become Gay either they are or they are not. You are born with so much of your brain as a female and so much of it as a male. A little too much of this, you are a heterosexual, a little that way, bi-sexual, a little of this and that, and you are born gay or somewhere on that long list of the transgendered. But, you are hard wired from birth. Hormones change that... hormones rewire your brain...

 

So depending on where you were. That will guide you to where you are.

 

I do not understand a transsexual lesbian. If thats your thing then good luck to you. But it isnt for me.

 

I need a man to open my pickle jar. Which can now be impossible for me to do. I need a man to care for me so i can care back. I need a man to do all those manly things that i can no longer do. Muscle mass etc. I enjoy a man to protect me and make me feel protected.

NO it isnt just sex its all the things listed above. Granted the sex can good but it isnt the beginning and the end.

 

Tried the lesbian thing. Didnt enjoy it. Found a nice guy and there i am. hes my hero.

 

I hate to be the one who bursts some bubbles.

 

 

Taking female hormones changes what little male brain you were born with to a female brain.  it means that you will, in fact you will start thinking more like a woman. You will cry at commercials, you will ditch the porn collection you may have had.  Remember those stupid movies your then wife and girlfreind liked to watch endlessly? Pretty woman, Dirty dancing. Etc They will now captivate you. You will carry around tissues and have a stash in every room in the house because you will cry at the drop of a hat.

 

THEY MAKE YOU THINK, FEEL, AND BEHAVE AS A WOMAN! And now, for the worst part...

 

Remember saying to yourself... no, not me? I am too strong for that? Well guess what, you are right. But what did not contemplate is that you will no longer be you as such in the sense of your reactions to stimulious. you are not immune to the laws of physics... your brain will change. That means that the one and only weapon you have is now los Forever. That means that the "you" that was strong and predictable is now someone else. That means that what you used to control your world, what you are now using to make everything alright, is now permanently stuck in female mode and is dragging your body along with it if you like it or not.

 

I suppose that would explain why I like men?

 

Its not repulsive whoever thinks it is. its just human nature.

 

Welcome to the world of the female brain and its attractions to the opposite sex. Enjoy it. Its there for good. I Bloomin enjoy it and make the most of what i have been given. It would seem Shawna you are starting to enjoy it to ?

 

 

[Allison Meadows]

35 minutes ago, Maid In Bedlam said:

You will cry at commercials, you will ditch the porn collection you may have had.  Remember those stupid movies your then wife and girlfreind liked to watch endlessly? Pretty woman, Dirty dancing. Etc They will now captivate you. You will carry around tissues and have a stash in every room in the house because you will cry at the drop of a hat.

And for some of us, we did that forever, even without the right hormonal balance. I can't count how many movies I have cried at, knowing no "man" would. Perhaps some of us have always been "pre-wired" that way.

[ShawnaLeigh]

On 3/14/2020 at 10:16 AM, Maid In Bedlam said:

It would seem Shawna you are starting to enjoy it to ?

Wonderful write up and I fully agree. I am opening myself up to the possibility and I like where it’s taking me!  
I am still very attracted to women for all the same reasons I was before but what is added now is that I can identify with them now. I’m not trying to endlessly figure them out.  
Being friends with them is so much deeper then any girlfriend I had.  Of wife.  My soon to be ex wife is becoming a really good friend.  That in itself is so weird.  
Today I was treated like a lady by four men in the course of a 5 min store stop.  It was amazing snd I loved every second!

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Today I was treated like a lady by four men in the course of a 5 min store stop.  It was amazing snd I loved every second!

Why am I not surprised? Soak it up @ShawnaLeigh!!

 

On 3/14/2020 at 7:16 AM, Maid In Bedlam said:

Sean Bean does it for me.

Me too...will have to inform the wife...there are three now..lol

 

Susan R?

[Maid In Bedlam]

58 minutes ago, Susan R said:

Me too...will have to inform the wife...there are three now..lol

 

isnt he just so handsome. I loved him in Sharpe.

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Why am I not surprised? Soak it up @ShawnaLeigh!!

 

Me too...will have to inform the wife...there are three now..lol

 

Susan R?

Well being a Lord of the Rings fan I can see this too.  Lol