What am I?

[Fox Mccloud]

Hello everyone.

 

I have been exploring transgender for about two years now, and I've found many things that would suggest I may be transgender, such as my preference for playing as female characters in video games, among other things, though I have no signs of dysphoria; I don't dislike being a man, as it's just me. But I have always envied women as well as been attracted to them, so I don't know what I am.

 

I am happy being male, but then, I may find being female to be better suited to me, as there is more room for personal expression as a female, or at least that is what I gather from observation.

 

Does that mean I'm genderfluid, or something else? Or is there even a name for this, or is it just me being an inquisitive cisgender male?

 

Thank you so much for your time and help, as every answer means a lot to me.

[ShawnaLeigh]

Hello and welcome to TransPulse.  This is a wonderful place to ask these sorts of questions and I can bet you will learn a lot of the other folks here.  There are no judgements and plenty of acceptance, love and support.  

As for your exact question this is very hard for another to answer for you without gender therapy training but most of us had gone through some of and others have been here a long time helping folks like you and me. 

My best advice is to seek out a gender therapist to assist you with traveling this new journey of discovery as they of course can help you explore what it all is for you and to you.  Trying to just figure out on your own or with internet research can only get you so far and this one thing can take time.  Then once you do figure it out you can change your mind the next day.  In other words you have to come to it over time.

 

Id say based on what you wrote that I agree with gender fluid as you had mentioned being comfortable with both male and female aspects of yourself.  However no one like to label another here as it is a personal choice so take that with a grain of salt.

Also know this. 

A lot of folks knew they were different from very early ages and some just figured it out recently after living male (or female) for decade (me).  So there is no road map or outline or schedule to put yourself on.  Its all on your timeline and when you feel comfortable with it.  Some things you will dwell on and others you will decide and move on.  Its a Grey area so don't look for Black and White answers. 

Lastly be patient with yourself and others.  This is a big change you are exploring so it can take time to wrap your head around it all, as well as the same for any others you may tell.

 

Take your time and enjoy the ride as best you can.  

Just coming here to ask was a huge step and Congrats for that!

 

[A. Dillon]

Hello! I would suggest not trying to look for reasons that you are or are not trans - just exist. Let whatever comes naturally happen, if you want to lean one way or the other than go for it. Also know that being cisgender doesn't mean that you are stuck in a box, and you can present as feminine as you like and still be male. Try some new things out, one thing I would highly suggest is makeup. I never wanted make-up, as I thought it made me a girl, but that is not true. I still never wear it, not because of how I should function as a man, but because I just don't want to. You can try it for just a while, contour your face as my sister would say, see what works best for you. 

[TommieAnne]

Hi and welcome Fox!

From a personal standpoint, I am not enamored with labels anyway. It seems as if you've picked a good one in "me". "Questioning" is another category.

'Just me' works well enough without having to define, explain or understand yourself completely. Life itself is an exploration journey that will allow to more completely understand yourself.

Take your time and it will come to you.

TA