Does my childhood affect my transition

[I_dont_know_my_name]

This is a really confusing topic for me to discuss, but I need to because it has been bugging me for a while. 

 

As a child I wore dresses until Labour 10 when I said to my mum that I hated them and they made me feel too girly. I had never truly felt like a girl and I always knew something was wolrong I used to pack without realising it was wrong this was when I was about 8 and I had a sex Ed in school and realised that men had different parts to women. I was honestly just so confused.

However in the 2 years. My friend came out as trans which I didn't realise was a thing before and did quite a lot of research and watched a bunch of videos where I related to so much to what they were saying. Like I only play with male characters on sims where I pretend it's me and give it my real name and not my dead name. 

I don't like sports I've always wanted to either read or write or draw something rather than kick a ball around and I'm quite squimish. 

 

So overall I believe I am trans but when I go for my gender clinic appointment eventually I know they will ask me questions about me as child and I want them to understand me but I don't know how to put it. 

I haven't been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I also believe I have this because of past trauma and because my life is also ia bit rubbish atm and I haven't had any therapy to deal with it and I haven't talked to anyone and I know I need to. 

Sorry to unload I'm self isolating and with noting to do my mind is wandering about everything

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi,

When you go see your therapist, just talk honestly. You don't have to try to prove anything. Your therapist is there to help you understand yourself. It'll be ok.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[KathyLauren]

When you go to your therapy appointment, you don’t need to go in with any theories.  Just be yourself.

 

You don’t need to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety or anything else to be trans.  Nor is past trauma usually a factor.  Just go there as yourself, whoever you are that day.  Let the therapist ask you any questions, and just give honest answers.

 

You’ll be fine.

 

 

[Allison Meadows]

I just started with a counselor and they don't and shouldn't have preconceived notions; they should listen to you and guide the discussion carefully so that you can work out your issues. Just go with the flow.

[I_dont_know_my_name]

I've tried to tell my mum how I'm feeling in the past and how sad I am and how I don't want to get up in the morning and a bunch of other stuff you probably don't want to hear but she said people can just have bad days but it's much more than that so what if I can't proberly get the therapist to understand and they say that I'm just confused like my mum said I was a swell about being trans

[Jackie C.]

50 minutes ago, I_dont_know_my_name said:

bunch of other stuff you probably don't want to hear

 

It's fine sweetie, we're all about being a safe place to vent. Sometimes you just need a sympathetic ear. We're really good at that.

 

Fortunately, your therapist is trained in "getting to the heart of the problem." It might take a couple of sessions. I was... OK, am... apparently a tough nut to crack. Seriously though, all you need to do is relax and talk to the therapist as best you can. They're good at getting to the meat of the problem, asking questions to help clarify things and helping you reach answers. It's all good.

All my experiences with a gender therapist have been comfortable and really productive. Just relax. It'll be fine. Everything's fine. I've told them things that I've never told anyone else and they've helped me unload a lot of baggage from childhood through adulthood.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

Therapists are not at all like parents.  They don’t have all the emotional baggage about you that parents have.  They are trained to really listen, not just to the words, but to the feelings behind your words.  They will certainly understand that it’s about more than having a bad day.

[TommieAnne]

5 hours ago, I_dont_know_my_name said:

a bunch of other stuff you probably don't want to hear

I'm pretty sure a quick poll of the bunch here would reveal most of us have already had the same thoughts galloping through our head like a herd of buffalo.

Feel free to share, vent, question or whatever crosses your mind. We're all kinda in this together.

TA

[I_dont_know_my_name]

I'm scared really that I will come out and everyone will say I'm too girly to be trans which I must confess is very much a front I put up because people used to tell me its weird that I would put on a deeper voice and cut my hair

[VickySGV]

Calm down there a bit.  You is what you is!  Imagine the BEST YOU you can be and the therapist will help you define what you can do about being the BEST YOU.  Is the Best You a person who lives best with what people think are boy things, or what they think are girl things  Next question, are you ashamed of being your best you?  The therapist can help you get rid of the shame to be that you!  Once the shame is washed out, then it becomes simply a matter of how to live as your BEST YOU, and make the plans to live it your way.  You do not get to live it other people's way to be your BEST YOU as long as you are not doing physical harm to them or causing them to starve to death or die without medical case.  Your job is to live comfortably in your skin, and not to make them comfortable with their neighbors or other groups.  Your being your BEST YOU really does not harm them no matter what they say, and it does not harm you a bit.

[TommieAnne]

Vicky has some very wise words.

I have taken to heart many things she has written. Almost all of us have shared the fears you share (or some variation), but talking with a gender therapist can make a huge difference in your outlook.

For instance I was set on trying to bring out the female part of me and transitioning to a woman, except I also wanted to retain some of my male self. My therapist suggested I not try to pound whatever shaped peg I wished to be into a hole that didn't accommodate it. That forced me to relook the whole labelling thing, until I finally came to the conclusion that I was just going to be me, with an assortment of gender behaviors that suited me, regardless of what everyone else might think.

We try so hard to paste a label on our forehead sometimes, before we've really had the chance to search our hearts for the true answer.

Give it time. The answer will be obvious in its own good time.

TA

[TrIIIy]

You don’t have to fit neatly into a stereotypical “male” box to be a man. Just as a lot of women have interests and hobbies that are typically male-dominated, tons of men have interests that some consider girly. Heck, I sew purses in my spare time. It’s just fun. Don’t feel like any “girly” interests or habits that you have make you any less trans or manly.

[Luca]

1 hour ago, TrIIIy said:

You don’t have to fit neatly into a stereotypical “male” box to be a man. Just as a lot of women have interests and hobbies that are typically male-dominated, tons of men have interests that some consider girly. Heck, I sew purses in my spare time. It’s just fun. Don’t feel like any “girly” interests or habits that you have make you any less trans or manly.

That's so true. Is there anyone else who is afraid to show the truth feelings to others? Not to be a stereotypical man or woman ... still so scared to be alone ...not be accepted

 

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Luca said:

Not to be a stereotypical man or woman ... still so scared to be alone ...not be accepted

 

I spent the evening with 35 Trans and Enby friends who have become a chosen family over the last five years.  It is a wonderful, caring group of people who are gaining world attention for singing just as themselves, and proud of it.  The group sings for the Trans Community and one of our themes is giving and finding acceptance.  We give it to each other, and our audiences.  We have some couples in it, but mostly we are good beloved friends and partners in a job to be done.  The job is getting  people to accept us and others.