I guess it's now more important than ever

[Denisenj]

I've heard this statements for the past year or so. One is if it makes you happy the other is you need to be you. In these times of uncertainty you start thinking did I wait till it's too late? Should I have done this 20 years ago. It feels like it's more important for me to be true to myself now more than ever in my life. You say , will I get sick and never recover and never had  enjoyed living as a woman. Just thinking out loud here and if that train stops I'm climbing on board and if next stop will be womanhood. It is what it is. Who knows what the future will bring..

[ShawnaLeigh]

54 minutes ago, Denisenj said:

've heard this statements for the past year or so. One is if it makes you happy the other is you need to be you. In these times of uncertainty you start thinking did I wait till it's too late? Should I have done this 20 years ago. It feels like it's more important for me to be true to myself now more than ever in my life. You say , will I get sick and never recover and never had  enjoyed living as a woman. Just thinking out loud here and if that train stops I'm climbing on board and if next stop will be womanhood. It is what it is. Who knows what the future will bring..

Lots of truth in this.  I fully agree.  

I regret not being brave enough back then but don't regret waiting as I know it was not a good time to be trans in my youth nor especially in the military.  I made so many mistakes trying to be what I was not and hurt so many folks along the way.  I regret hurting others due to my cowardice to just be myself.  

I am truly happy now which sounds odd to most as I am also in the throws of a divorce.   But I am and she is for me to an extent.  

[Jani]

Don't look back at things you cannot change, look forward to things you can.   Enjoy the day the best you can.

 

Jani 

[DragonflyGirl]

Not transitioning decades ago is a deep regret for me, but you have to look forwards in life. We only get a say in how today and tomorrow will go. Yesterday is yesterday.

 

I'm looking at tomorrow, as today is a write off amidst this Coronavirus shutdown. 2020 was supposed to be the year I was going to fly. This is the best version of me there's ever been, so it's so frustrating what's happened to the world.

 

Not to worry. When normality returns I'll be an even better version of me.

[Denisenj]

Reassurance means a lot, I sit here alone and wonder.many of my so-called friends just too busy going about their daily routines in life even the ones sitting home or too busy ,it is more important people to contact and see how normal ones are doing. Don't mind me I'm not looking for a pity party I get bored and I think a s*** to write..

[TommieAnne]

8 hours ago, Denisenj said:

I've heard this statements for the past year or so. One is if it makes you happy the other is you need to be you. In these times of uncertainty you start thinking did I wait till it's too late? Should I have done this 20 years ago. It feels like it's more important for me to be true to myself now more than ever in my life. You say , will I get sick and never recover and never had  enjoyed living as a woman. Just thinking out loud here and if that train stops I'm climbing on board and if next stop will be womanhood. It is what it is. Who knows what the future will bring..

Due to medical things being on hold for a while, I will not get to start HRT until I'm 70. Is it too late? Too late for what?

I wish I could have started fifty years ago, but the times were quite different and this was unthinkable course of action at that time. I will never look like a nineteen year old college girl, I know that, but I can be me to the best of my ability.

It is better to plow forward even if it's late than to finish my life in regret.

TA

[KymmieL]

I am in the same boat. I wish I would have seen the signs years ago. But then I would have been to chicken to do anything about it. One big fault I have guts.

For the longest time I though I was just a crossdresser. Now that I realized what I truly am. I have to do it the hard way. No HRT with my blood clot history. While the blockers are possibly working. I think I see some changes. not really sure. Will I ever be happy. I guess time will tell. I will just plug along.

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

[Denisenj]

I just got off the phone with my behavioral health specialist. He asked me a bunch of more questions today. He asked me how I would feel if I started hormone replacement therapy. I told him it would make me feel complete. He stated he sees no red flags and he's going to forward his report to my provider who will get in touch with me.  He asked me if I was excited at the thought of starting hormone replacement therapy and I said yes. He asked if I ever planned on changing my name and or my gender. I said probably when I'm living full-time as Denise on my driver's license it'll have my new name and my gender as female. Who knows what my future will bring but I want to enter it in heels.

Edited March 31, 2020 by Jani
spell check: fold to forward

[TommieAnne]

That's great Denise.

Just remember this is a (usually) slow process and even once on HRT things don't happen overnight. Good luck sweetie, and keep us all posted!

TA

[Denisenj]

Oh I realize it's a slow process and it doesn't happen overnight. But a couple weeks on hormones you will notice your brain starting to change and your emotions starting a change. I guess time will tell how my body accepts  hormones. I'm looking forward to my breast hurting a little bit. I guess we will see