Has Anyone Else Experienced This?

[aceskywalker08]

For the last two years I have identified as a binary trans man. My dysphoria was manageable after social transition and starting T and I felt confident in my identity. Now, my dysphoria is bad again and I don't feel much like a man anymore. I'm not sure whether it's just my dysphoria saying I'm not a "real" man, or if I may be nonbinary rather than binary transgender. I still want to have my same name (which is a traditional masculine name) and use he/him pronouns and continue HRT and one day have top and bottom surgery, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm something other than a man. I like being masculine, but I also like being androgynous. My gender expression has always been a little mixed, sometimes very manly and sometimes less so. All I know for sure is I'm definitely not a girl and traditionally feminine things give me lots of dysphoria. Any advice/shared experience on the subject is much appreciated.

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums, many of our members have felt as you do, and that is why we are here to let people talk about it and realize they are not alone.

[Jani]

Hello Ace.  Its not unusual to have mixed feelings at some point in life.  Don't be alarmed.  That you are experiencing anxiety may suggest you should take time to speak with a counselor for a few sessions.  You may also need to have the dosage of T adjusted if your levels are out of range.  It could be something simple.  As you say you enjoy living a masculine life, or even androgynously is a sign in my opinion that nothing too seriously is afoot.  Look around and try to tell if anything in your day to day life may be causing these feelings.  

 

JanI

[aceskywalker08]

37 minutes ago, Jani said:

Hello Ace.  Its not unusual to have mixed feelings at some point in life.  Don't be alarmed.  That you are experiencing anxiety may suggest you should take time to speak with a counselor for a few sessions.  You may also need to have the dosage of T adjusted if your levels are out of range.  It could be something simple.  As you say you enjoy living a masculine life, or even androgynously is a sign in my opinion that nothing too seriously is afoot.  Look around and try to tell if anything in your day to day life may be causing these feelings.  

 

JanI

Hi Jani,

Thank you for your input. I plan to see a gender therapist once the lockdown is over, and I will try to identify some factors that may be affecting my dysphoria.

[aceskywalker08]

2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Welcome to the Forums, many of our members have felt as you do, and that is why we are here to let people talk about it and realize they are not alone.

Thank you. I look forward to being more involved in the community and hearing others' experiences.

[ToniTone]

I totally have gone through these stages of feelings! But you know the other way around. I've been out and transitioning for a year now. For most of that time I had settled that I was a binary trans woman.

 

But a few months ago, something changed in my feelings about it. While I strongly identify with my femininity, part of me still identified with androgyny. Also, I've achieved an appearance that isn't quite passing as female, butis quite androgynous. 

 

So I decided to change the label of my identity back to transfem androgynous. And I'm more content with that now, and with who I am today. Beyond the name of my identity, nothing has changed. I'm still transitioning, and I still prefer she/her pronouns. And I still am a woman, a trans woman. But the change in label helps me better understand and be content with who I am. 

 

You'll find what feels roght for you. Don't stress about it, it will come to you I promise. Take care! 

 

~Toni

[aceskywalker08]

10 hours ago, ToniTone said:

I totally have gone through these stages of feelings! But you know the other way around. I've been out and transitioning for a year now. For most of that time I had settled that I was a binary trans woman.

 

But a few months ago, something changed in my feelings about it. While I strongly identify with my femininity, part of me still identified with androgyny. Also, I've achieved an appearance that isn't quite passing as female, butis quite androgynous. 

 

So I decided to change the label of my identity back to transfem androgynous. And I'm more content with that now, and with who I am today. Beyond the name of my identity, nothing has changed. I'm still transitioning, and I still prefer she/her pronouns. And I still am a woman, a trans woman. But the change in label helps me better understand and be content with who I am. 

 

You'll find what feels roght for you. Don't stress about it, it will come to you I promise. Take care! 

 

~Toni

Toni,

It's so great to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this. Thank you for the reassurance and for sharing your story with me!

[Sally Stone]

Ace,

 

In my opinion, I think there more of us in the trans community that lie somewhere in-between the binary ends of the spectrum, than those who identify exclusively male or female.  I consider myself bi-gender because I enjoy expressing both the male and female sides of my personality.  And my self-expression fluctuates.  Sometimes, I feel as though I want to be a woman more, but other times I prefer expressing my male side. I think ultimately, it's important to strike a balance that makes you comfortable.  So often we try to latch onto labels because we think they will help us define ourselves.  In reality, picking a label just tends to box us in.  In your case, maybe feeling masculine sometimes and more androgynous other times is your normal.  The thing is, to be patient and give yourself time to figure out who you really are.  And when you do, whatever it is, it's perfectly okay.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally   

[VickySGV]

33 minutes ago, Jamey braley said:

Sorry I'm new on here 

 

Welcome Jamey.

[Lexi C]

Welcome Jamey. Hey Ace thanks for bring this up. Cuz lately I been going through same thing. Its really screw with my life. I being going to my GT or zoom now, but I don't wear a wig and some make-up then I feel a total dude and when I do present female I still see my self as a dude. I consider myself bi- but lately I find myself being turn on bye woman rather the guys. Ty again for the tabling this for discussion . have a great day

[aceskywalker08]

On 4/5/2020 at 12:58 PM, Sally Stone said:

Ace,

 

In my opinion, I think there more of us in the trans community that lie somewhere in-between the binary ends of the spectrum, than those who identify exclusively male or female.  I consider myself bi-gender because I enjoy expressing both the male and female sides of my personality.  And my self-expression fluctuates.  Sometimes, I feel as though I want to be a woman more, but other times I prefer expressing my male side. I think ultimately, it's important to strike a balance that makes you comfortable.  So often we try to latch onto labels because we think they will help us define ourselves.  In reality, picking a label just tends to box us in.  In your case, maybe feeling masculine sometimes and more androgynous other times is your normal.  The thing is, to be patient and give yourself time to figure out who you really are.  And when you do, whatever it is, it's perfectly okay.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally   

Sally,

Thank you for your insight and for sharing your experience. It really helps.

[aceskywalker08]

On 4/5/2020 at 5:26 PM, Alex C said:

Welcome Jamey. Hey Ace thanks for bring this up. Cuz lately I been going through same thing. Its really screw with my life. I being going to my GT or zoom now, but I don't wear a wig and some make-up then I feel a total dude and when I do present female I still see my self as a dude. I consider myself bi- but lately I find myself being turn on bye woman rather the guys. Ty again for the tabling this for discussion . have a great day

Hi Alex,

Yeah it's not super fun right now, but I'm sure we'll both get through it and figure things out. Thanks for sharing.

[aceskywalker08]

On 4/5/2020 at 5:07 PM, kelly sinclair said:

I understand I feel that's  I always been more girl then boy but are attracted  to women  . So I that it was just a faze I was going thru but over these years . I realize  it not it's just who I am . Sorry I'm new on here 

I'm glad you were able to figure things out. Welcome to the forum.

[Lexi C]

Thank Ace...Yeah it come and goes. You will go through that. But I beginning to like how I feel. my pic is really me and a yr ago would of have never shown myself face first. BeSAFE, BeProud and KICK ASS

[aceskywalker08]

16 hours ago, Alex C said:

Thank Ace...Yeah it come and goes. You will go through that. But I beginning to like how I feel. my pic is really me and a yr ago would of have never shown myself face first. BeSAFE, BeProud and KICK ASS

Haha thanks, I will!