The Woman Within

[MetaLicious]

I have been feeling an increasing urge to create lately, and this came bursting out of me over the course of an evening.  I thought I'd share it with you.  It is basically my life as a demigirl (abridged) in lyric form...

 

The Woman Within

Some may say that I just suffer confusion
Yet I remain secure in my conviction
For I have come at last to the conclusion
Sex and gender can be in contradiction

 

A first bid for freedom killed by preclusion
Insurance coverage? Only restriction!
Bigotry, hatred are found in profusion
"I'll never transition" is my prediction

 

Striving to be a man to the exclusion
Of the woman within, bound by constriction
Embarrassed and shamed, gone into seclusion
So much more easy to maintain the fiction

 

I have spent most of my life in delusion
Pretending I do not have this affliction
Buried so deep it's not even elusion
The girl inside had received her eviction

 

The only way I sustained the illusion
Was to pursue all manner of addiction
Pot, drugs, and alcohol worked in collusion
Care for my self was in deep dereliction

 

The woman within renewed her intrusion
Gentle yet firmly came her benediction
The time was long past for her own inclusion
No uncertain terms - it's her jurisdiction!

 

We both need each other; we need a fusion
Transition's not fantasy but nonfiction
I could not help smiling at her allusion
This is the woman within's valediction

[MetaLicious]

My wife read it, and suggested that it may work better with couplets, so I rearranged it slightly, and altered the wording to keep the flow of story intact.

 

The Woman Within

At long last, I have come to the conclusion
Though some may say that I suffer confusion
I have become secure in my conviction
Gender and sex can be in contradiction

 

Hate and bigotry are found in profusion
A first bid for freedom killed by preclusion
Insurance coverage? Only restriction!
"I'll never transition" is my prediction

 

Striving to be a man to the exclusion
Of the woman within, gone into seclusion
Ashamed, I hid her with my own constriction
Just to more easily maintain the fiction

 

I have spent most of my life in delusion
Buried so deep it's not even elusion
Pretending I do not have this affliction
The girl inside had received her eviction

 

I found a way to sustain the illusion
Pot, drugs, and alcohol worked in collusion
In my pursuit of all forms of addiction
Care for myself was in deep dereliction

 

The woman within renewed her intrusion
The time was long past for her own inclusion
Gentle yet firmly came her benediction
No uncertain terms - it's her jurisdiction!

 

We both need each other; we need a fusion
I had to smile when she made this allusion:
"Transition's not fantasy; it's nonfiction"
This is the woman within's valediction

[Gaylord]

Wow it's great. I like the first version better because it gave a sense of tension and dramatic irony to the verses with a big reveal at the end of each verse. For example insurance coverage only restriction verse tells a story through time in your first version that gets lost in the second and I also love the drama of the line where the girl inside was evicted in the first version. Maybe for verses that are more final you could switch to the couplet to ground and sober the feelings.. It sounds good! 

[Mx.Drago]

I agree with @Gaylord

Still great work and great words.

[MetaLicious]

Thanks, you two!  I thought my efforts hsd gone unnoticed, then out of the blue I get comments!

 

I agree that the flow of the story suffered a little in the second version, probably because I wrote the first, well, first.  That's the "native environment" the story was born in, and in moving to couplets, some of the flow was broken.

 

I appreciate your replies, it's so nice to be noticed, but more importantly, I feel like I have shared something.

[Susan R]

29 minutes ago, MetaLicious said:

Thanks, you two!  I thought my efforts hsd gone unnoticed, then out of the blue I get comments!

I can’t believe I missed this too. It’s very good. With a few word changes it would describe much of my feeling with my journey thus far. Great work!?

 

Susan R?

[Gaylord]

I love how powerful and intentional the words you used are in the second to last verse. Maybe if the addiction verse was in couplets then it would build up even more tension for that awesome verse where the woman inside takes hold. I see ur point about having written it a certain way the first time, but I also love the unpredictable effect we got in verse 2 from the abab cdcd rhyme scheme you use. It's uplifting to see all the darkness of the eviction verse get reversed through this image of an actualized assertive lady. 

[KayC]

On 4/11/2020 at 12:56 PM, MetaLicious said:

I thought I'd share it with you.  It is basically my life as a demigirl (abridged) in lyric form...

This is REALLY GOOD, MetaLicious! 
I had a rap beat-box going in my head the whole time I was reading it and it just clicked.  and I don't even like rap. Hah!

 

Keep writing❣️