Gay, Straight, Bi?

[Firenze]

I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this, but I always considered myself to be straight (attracted to women), and I do think I am straight and when I try to imagine myself with a woman or a man, I can imagine myself with a woman, and I have a hard time doing the same thing with a man. That seems obvious that I'm straight, and I have had crushes on my female friends in the past as well. My question though is, occasionally if I see a good-looking man (more often than not in a picture) sometimes I get butterflies in my stomach, but I don't get the same feeling while looking at a picture of women, even though in my mind I'd prefer to sleep with a woman over a man and will even prefer to think about a woman while jacking off than a man. (Sorry if that's TMI). I wonder if there's some sort of internalized homophobia, or envy that I don't want to be with a cis man considering I'm trans. 

[tracy_j]

I find sexual attraction to be a funny thing. Some people are just attractive to me in some way, whether they are male or female. It's something I have never determined, but don't really worry about. The way I look at things is that if I form a good relationship with someone then it does not really matter about their gender. Whether it is platonic or intimate it is something between yourselves. Yes I agree that being trans does complicate things, both in thinking and action, but, pushing things a bit, you wouldn't have to be trans to be bisexual. My take is to be myself and take it as it comes. Don't think that you have to follow a strict path because of being trans. In some ways it can be easier rather than harder.

 

Tracy

[Jackie C.]

I think that can be a pretty normal response. I like women. I am sexually attracted to women. However, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate an attractive guy.

 

Now with that out of the way, very few people are 100% hetero or homo sexual. Most of us live somewhere on a bell curve with completely homo, hetero or bi people being the outliers (even bi people tend to have a preferred gender. I've noticed that most of the bi people in my life are usually "either gender for sex, but X gender for relationships."

 

So yeah, outlying feelings for particular members of your non-preferred gender? Pretty common. Carry on.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

53 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

I've noticed that most of the bi people in my life are usually "either gender for sex, but X gender for relationships."

Yep what Jackie said.  This is how things are starting to feel for me.

I was always ONLY attracted to females being born male this was looked at as straight.  However I am MTF and have a female brain so I considered myself lesbian. 

Now I am seeing men in a whole new light lately so maybe that's slowly leaning toward Bi but I do not know yet.  I have not had the pleasure of finding out for sure.

I still think a relationship would be better with a women then a man for me.

Though again.  Not sure.

So you need to explore a bit to find out.

That's my plan.

Be Safe and Good Luck!

[ShawnaLeigh]

I have to add that my "plan" is on hold until my divorce is finally and now I have an interesting new development in my life that needs to be explored more too. I hope.

So just saying 

You never know where life will take you.

[TTheta]

Putting my perspective in, I never really had a preference, it all boiled down to personality. I can appreciate both girls and boys, but I am very simple person to please. I don't require a lot of attention, but I do enjoy it. I do have my drawbacks though, anytime it feels I am being controlled I cut things off immediately. I don't do well under those conditions. Don't get me wrong, I find it cute when a girl wears my hoodie or adapts my way of speaking but when my partner becomes a clone of me I get freaked out. I guess I live by the saying "Opposites attract" So for my case, gender really doesn't matter. I am thinking I might be pan but my family doesn't believe in it so for "Professional" reasons I have labeled myself as Bisexual. Though I would never be able to choose one over the other. 

 

There was a time where I refused to like guys because like what you were talking about like an internalized homophobia or not wanting to date a guy because they were cis when I wanted to be so bad. I eventually came to terms with myself and decided to test the waters again. 

 

Also about the picture thing. Males and females are different, so I would assume there would be a different reaction to either one. But I don't know, that it just a personal opinion. 

[A. Dillon]

I identify as bi, but pan would probably be more accurate. Tbh, there are two reasons I do so; a) people have no idea what pan means and b) I like the flag's colors better. To get to the point at hand though, at first I thought that I was only attracted to girls. I went to an all girls school as a kid, and I had tons of crushes, so I just found it to be natural. Also, walking past girls changing every other day with no inhibitions made it kind of painfully obvious. I later realized that I liked guys too, and kind of went with it. It was pretty simple for me, but that is certainly not the same for everyone, and it is fine if you take your time. You could always just find someone interesting or attractive, but not be attracted to them. For your last point, try to "-we don't do that in public-" to a guy; that gave me a very, very definitive answer.

[ShawnaLeigh]

11 hours ago, kelly sinclair said:

I read somewhere  that  it a flip after you be on hormones  for a while dontknow if its true  thu . So if it's TRUE you mite be able  to choose  after  hrt 

I can say definitively that this is a solid truth for everyone but it was for me.

Well not totally.

I was always very attracted to women and being AMAB that was not weird at all.  I NEVER looked a guys in this way.  No attractions whatso ever.

But after being on HRT for 6 months I have experienced a slide in attraction to more a middle road.  I still lean towards female and especially transgender females but male now have interest for me where there was none before.

I'm not ready to say I am Bi yet as I have had no real experience on if I would be ok with it or not.

I may not get the chance now...

 

[Maid In Bedlam]

Man? Woman? Who really cares. As long as you both have the potential to fall in love with each other then whatever.

 

I like men. I could never really see myself with a woman but thats my preference. It doesnt have to be anyone elses. You get to a certain age and its no longer because you can pro create. You can more enjoy each other.

 

 

 

Im not saying it was always like that but i find the idea of being with another woman now, trans or cis quite a turn off.  I like my men to be men.

 

I maybe stand alone here on this. But thats my own preference.

 

34 minutes ago, Suzanne1 said:

I find the thread's title kinda intriguing.  If memory serves me correctly, the question of whether to label a trans-individual as heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual was determined on the basis of one's natal sex (e.g., if an MtF was considered  homosexual

 

 

I see myself as now a Hetro female. I could hardly be classed as male anymore therefore chromozones aside im a woman to this world therefore the previous hetro statement applys. My partner also considers himself hetro for the record.

[TommieAnne]

I'm female inside, AMAB, attractions to both sexes.

But I'm also demi, really needing an emotional bond before attraction kicks in.

I've been kind of chuckling to myself during the current disease outbreak that I'm Pan-Demi-Femme. What depths we stoop to finding humor these days!?!

Actually Facebook has a surprisingly good option (although it's meant to describe relationship status) "it's complicated".

TA

 

[Mike P]

Wow!  A lot of great ways to be.  So many boxes to check.  I think I will think more outside a box and prefer a flexible transparent bag.  Just wish others could see things differently too.  Gives meaning to MIXED BAG.  ?

[GraceH]

On 4/17/2020 at 7:28 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I was always very attracted to women and being AMAB that was not weird at all.  I NEVER looked a guys in this way.  No attractions whatso ever.

 

I was always that like what you said in this quote.  I'm not on HRT but now I'm starting to understand what you said after.  I always understood the song,  "Because the Night" from the singer's partner's point of view, presumably male.  Now I understand it from Patti Smith's point of view.  I don't know why I understand it all of a sudden.  As I've said elsewhere, I've aged out of my T. and it has freed my mind and emotions.

 

 

 

 

[DeAnna]

Love this song 

[Mx.Drago]

I have no preference to gender. Knew this lovely couple in my mid 20s, I miss them both but they moved away and it won't have worked out, plus they had so many kids. What was adorable was at first they thought I was vanilla, were they suprised. They still are beautiful people.

[Abi]

Maybe I am just funny about how I associate my personality with my attractions, but it always has felt like whoever I am with that it is a straight relationship. I guess that my hopes were always more for there to be that kind of comfort. Like yeah, you are awesome no matter what you look like because of who you are. If the person I am with can't handle an emotional, compassionate and loving relationship, then they were wrong for me anyway. I can say that the cold hearted macho types have no place at my table. It always ends up with me feeling like I'm unappreciated or being controlled. I am sad that I never found someone that could handle all of me though. I dated several people and long term with a couple of them even, that never could see me and I made no effort to show them the sides of myself that would certainly drive them away. Loneliness sucks. Being untrue to yourself for decades sucks. After making choices to be with people who didn't care about me and suffering some harsh injustices, I have made it my priority to be me and be alone. I still get attracted to wonderful people at times. I just never will act on it again. I try to stay busy but it's very lonely.