5 months, 26 days, and 19 hours...

[A. Dillon]

That is how long I have been Dillon, give or take a few minutes. This is crazy, it all happened so fast, but here I am! So much has changed, but there are also so many other things that haven't, but now I know that it is really possible. I started this journey just begging to not be called "she" anymore, to not have to live with this constant pain. I finally understand why I was such a "weird girl;" I wasn't a girl at all! Everyday I feel a bit more myself, a bit more normal. I can look in the mirror and talk while feeling like that is me. A lot of this change is in the way that I see myself, but there are also a lot of physical things. I have been losing weight, so that I have less around my hips, and when I wear my compression shirt it looks just like any other guy. I have been keeping up my haircut, so I don't even look that bad. On top of all of this though is the months that I have been putting into voice training, I actually managed to have my voice pass and almost be a bit lower than a lot of guys while barely trying, and learned how to control it when I get louder or quieter. In every class, I am Dillon, and I don't have to explain a thing to anyone. I could have never even dreamed of this years ago, and I just wanted to thank you all for helping me get here, this would have been so much harder alone. I hope I can help others like this community helped me, this all sounds so sappy but it is true. 

 

In the future, I can't wait for all of my dreams to be realize. Everyday I think about that time where I will be a real man, inside and out. Have a good day, I can't wait for my official half birthday ❤️

[Emily michelle]

I’m glad to hear that! Sounds like you are doing well and your transition is going smooth.

[A. Dillon]

I recently realized that I actually came out as non-binary last April, and while I was oh so wrong, it was the first step towards better. So, technically, this is my 1 year anniversary of being not a girl, I can barely believe that is true but it is, I am so overwhelmed that my chest feels tight. I am actually here, this dream that I thought was impossible back then, that year ago me would have said that it was impossible for me to be a boy someday and to give up. The new me knows that I have always been a boy, my body is the thing that is messed up. Finally, I can cry from joy instead of sadness. To all of those who just came out, and are feeling a bit hopeless, believe me you can get through it. I for sure thought that I was going to fail, but here I am, mere months away from HRT and feeling myself. This is all kind of cheesy, I am just so happy right now. Happy day-before-b-day to me!

[StrainAsylum]

Fantastic, Dillon!!  So glad for you :)

 

How have you been training your voice, by the way?  I've JUST started my HRT at the ripe old age of 61 (I didn't think it was possible until late 40s, then thought I was "too late") and I'd really like to know how I can work on my voice to lower it.  I've only been on HRT for ONE month (3 shots), but it can't hurt to learn how to train it, right?

 

Really glad that you've been feeling better and losing weight (in the right way, it sounds).

[StrainAsylum]

Yup.  Too me ages to figure out "what" I was, too.  When I was growing up, no one even considered that one might be another gender.  Most barely knew what gender was, as a youngster.  I'd never even heard of "transexuals" (as it was called then) until Rene Richards came on the news in the mid 70s. 

 

Everyone told me that I was a "tomboy" when I was a child; I did have my mother and grandparents trained to give me boys' toys:  science stuff, chemistry sets, Creepy Crawlers, GI Joe, lots of horse stuff.  In my teens and 20s, they called me a "lesbian"; I was attracted to both women and men (the PERSON, rather than the PLUMBING), but that wasn't even considered back then.

 

Thankfully, more people fought to make transition a more common concept and increased information available so that I was able to realize who I was, after a lifetime. 

 

Even though I have a long journey to go in my transition, my MIND  and soul are much happier.  So THANK YOU everyone, of whatever gender identity, who made the journey and fought the public and medical battles.

[A. Dillon]

1 hour ago, StrainAsylum said:

How have you been training your voice, by the way?

You have to learn to talk from lower in your lungs, feel your voice moving from you mouth to your throat. This is how far I have gotten:

 

Record (online-voice-recorder.com) (1) (1).mp3 (you only need to watch a few seconds, I was also trying to lower my voice in this recording) to...

Record (online-voice-recorder.com) (16).mp3

 

Yeah, I kinda always sound sick, but still an improvement in my books. What is essential really is the way that your voice moves, and the end of words or if you get excited you should go down in pitch instead of up. It takes a while, but you get used to it.

[StrainAsylum]

Very definitely lower.  I get excited when I'm talking to my cats, then I lose any control.  But it's only been a month on HRT, so /shrug   I'll work on it, thanks!

 

Been trying to deliberately sing lower, as a start, but the only way I can carry a tune is with a BUCKET  

 

Heading offline now; probably time to exercise and eat.  Stay well, all!

[A. Dillon]

I actually had a pretty tough day, had a fight with my dad and a panic attack and all that jazz, so I wanted to cheer myself up a bit by posting a video of myself that I can look back on and see progress. I would also like an honest opinion of whether my voice passes or not, I am often worried that I just sound like a girl trying to lower her voice, but that is besides the point. Can't wait to see what the next year brings!

 

VID_20200501_224402.mkv

[TrIIIy]

I’m on mobile, so I can’t listen to your sound bytes, but I am so glad that you are happy with your great progress! Sounds like you have come a long way. With all that you have accomplished without HRT, just imagine the changes that you will make once you start it! Very exciting stuff.