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Lost! AGAIN Or I might sound silly (don't know which title to choose XD)


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Ok so erm I am seriously frying LOST

What I feel is kind of weird.

I don't know where to start.. I am AFAB and always felt like a boy. I had a lot of "symptoms" (sr for this word) of being trans FtM. And got along with it. I was ready to come out to every one (not counting my family), I started biding, packing (it felt nice -that is a weird thing to say XD-) Some people started to call me Ethan and not *potato*(brth name).

But I then had these 2 weird break downs or whatever it was and it makes me think I am something else. I don't want to have surgery, top or bottom and I don't want to be trans. I than thought OK so I am a simple girl! But feeling about going back felt horrible. I WANTED to be that boy. I don't want to be trans. I was afraid to come out to my family because I felt that "if I can't explain this feeling to myself than how can I explain it to them?!"

So I got scared and thought about waiting to prove it wasn't a phase. But I'd HATE to be trans, I am not being trans-phobic or something I just can't it is not possible.

So what I am going to say might sound silly, but I am not trans. I am just a girl who calls himself as male to others. I will be Ethan, he, him, pack, bind, put my voice deeper (it actually starts to work!) but I am not trans. I just feel that like that I will be able to pursue the dream I always wanted to be released. Not as trans but as a boy who knows what he was when he was born. Female. I will say this to no one but you guys, I was female, who now calls himself male to feel more let's say comfortable. I used to hate to say the word female to refer to it. But now I accept it but will still change, because I still can't bear being one.

That maybe doesn't sound clear but I guess I just want to feel normal. Maybe what I am is trans, but to me, I am just a guy who was born female.

Sorry if it sounds stupid, but this makes me feel good. Even if I am kinda lost, this is what makes me more sure of myself.

Again sorry if it sounds stupid, and don't forget that a good potato can enlighten your days!

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Like maybe crossdressing and presenting as a male makes you feel good and helps you relieve stress? Seriously Ethan, labels aren't important. The only important label is you. You do you. Make yourself comfortable in your own skin. So long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

 

Hugs!

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IDK maybe/no I have no idea AT ALL

gosh fries potato!

I really think I need this therapy, and to think what I wrote on top makes me more confident to tell my mom..

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I think therapy is an EXCELLENT plan.

 

Hugs!

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Thanx, but seriously I think for me it'll just be boy (I just was born female) that really sounds ftm, but ftm doesn't feel right XD whatever, I think I get what you guys mean thanx a lot

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You can be trans and not have any surgeries too, just saying if that helps reduce the stress of it or anything. The label is yours to choose, and is only as important as you feel it is. 

 

~Toni

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Well I thought about it even more, and it really feels like I am trans but I just don't accept the name of it, in whatever reason. To think that I am simply a boy born female, makes me more confident. And however I try to explain it, it looks like I am doing the def of FtM. But to think that is making me more at ease. Maybe like Jackie says I am a cross dresser, maybe I am trans. I don't really care, I am just a boy who happened to be born female. Oh my potato! More I write and more I understand myself! (maybe you don't XD)

Thank you so much, every think is starting to be clear as I am finding my own path, thanx a lot! ^^

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