Turning point

[KayC]

Turning point ... for myself, and as a way of introduction.  I assume we have all reached (or will reach) our own turning point.

(I am male by birth ... but not by heart)

About 5 years ago, within a month or two of my mother's passing my world flipped over.  A deep depression set in, which I did not recognize because I had never experienced it before .. and I went searching for something to fill the hole.  Thought it would an affair with another woman but I could not go through with it and confessed to my wife.  Then depression #2 set in ... because that was a dark period in the house coming out of that.  Its better now.
 

In the process a door from the distant past re-opened and I came to the enlightenment that I had never been comfortable in my gender identity ... the masculine identity I felt I needed to express based on societies expectations ... and my own.

 

I realized that my teen experimentation with crossdressing was really a suppressed need to feel comfortable in my own skin and heart.  It had resurfaced for short periods over the course of 30-40 years but was attached with a feeling shame, guilt, and fear of being exposed.

Gender-Queer?  Gender Fluid?  Trans?  I don't know for sure what I "am" and I would prefer not to be labeled, because that it was got me to the dark side of the turning point to begin with.  But, I do know I cannot go backward ... but I am also not sure of my way forward ... yet.

I am so happy to find this site. 
Mostly I only found hook-up sites (which I did find exciting, but not going there yet) or commercial enterprises looking for money. 

What I really need is to be able to talk ... without being judged

- to continue my journey with the help and encouragement of those who have gone before ..

- to hopefully contribute my own feelings, support and encouragement to others ..

Happy to be here
You can call me Kay, or Craig, or my profile name

KCraig
 

[Jackie C.]

Salutations Kay!

 

Certainly no judgement here, we're all about the support and understanding. Happy to meet you and welcome!

 

Hugs!

[Sally Stone]

Hi Kay,

 

This is a non-judging group, so you've come to the right place.  Welcome!

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

[GraceH]

Being able to read from/write to this site makes me increasingly joyful.  I hope it's the same for you!  My own writing helps me figure things out as much as reading, so tell your story.  And keep telling it as it changes!

 

[TommieAnne]

Hello and welcome Kay! Glad you found us!

Not only are the people here friendly and non-judgemental, it's a great place to ask questions and learn, or share ideas.

I can understand wondering what you are, or not being sure. I'm on my third label change since joining the forum. Nothing has to be set in stone, and you can feel free to explore and question here.

TA

[Susan R]

11 hours ago, KCraig said:

About 5 years ago, within a month or two of my mother's passing my world flipped over.  A deep depression set in, which I did not recognize because I had never experienced it before...

 

In the process a door from the distant past re-opened and I came to the enlightenment that I had never been comfortable in my gender identity

Welcome KCraig, It seems many of us are awakened by a critical event in our lives. I had the same thing happen to me.  The death of my close younger brother was my trigger.  Everything changed after that. I had already been on a journey at some level by doing research and joining support groups but the death sort of forced my hand...looking back on it all. Suppression of myself was something I had learned well. Like you, I was able to deal with it most of my life but it did have severe consequences over my lifetime that I only recently acknowledged over the past year or two.  Now that you’ve accepted yourself on some level, you can begin healing and finding who you really are.

 

Thank you for sharing your introduction. Your’s sounds very close to mine. Best of luck on your continued journey.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[TommieAnne]

33 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

not to make this about me but i will get to a turning point in my life im just wondering when im stuck right now un able to do things i want but if i make it i wont let this stop me from doing things i want or need to

Don't try to rush things though, dear.

Consider that for many of us, turning points are scary moments like hanging off a cliff frantically trying to figure out if it's good to go left or right while holding on for dear life.

Events in life sometimes propel us, sometimes even make our decisions for us.

TA

[BrandiBri]

Welcome KCraig! No judgement here, only love and support. Look around, ask questions and feel free to share your story with us.

 

Hugs from my fortress on Lincoln,

Brandi

[KayC]

Thank you!  everyone, for the warm welcome and encouragement.  I really wasn't sure what to expect, so Yes, I truly feel I have found the right place.

 

I hope to continue to see and talk with you all and others again across this forum, but I truly do appreciate you reaching out.

Until next time. 
❤️
Kay

[TommieAnne]

We look forward to hearing from you again Kay, whenever you have the time or the inclination.

TA