i love women

[Gaylord]

women named alexa

women who never text u 

women named katrina

women who pretend they hadnt seen u 

women named marta

women whose words scar u 

women who call their bag a purse

women who work as a nurse

women who place a curse

women who do meth

women who wish all men death

women make me short of breath

[Mx.Drago]

?I'm feeling the sense of exhaustion from trying to over look things that hurt/disappoint/and make you upset. But not sure adding a general connection to all women to everything bad, is fair. Yeah there are those individuals that should go back to the dark hole from where they came and good riddance, but not all women should be equated so casually as things that just are an annoyance that tire you. But that's my interpretation of the words. The way it's written, it's more targeting specific types of woman, maybe  'i love "those" women,' I feel is a more appropriate title.

[Gaylord]

Hello this is my work in progress poem meant to express how much I love women and the deeply respect the concept of womanhood. Thank you for the criticism! I hope I can make my poems easier to understand in the future. This poem is fueled by my exhaustion hurt disappointment and upset from anti feminist men and also by my awe of women and the way their existence in itself subverts the patriarchy. In the poem I name different categories of women that inspire me (all of the women in the poem but especially women named alexa, katrina, and marta [atl public transit,] [couldnt think of a rhyme for siri but shout out to siri, you go girl) nurses, and women who wish all men death.] I also am attempting to reference common anti-feminist 'complaints' to reject them for example although it's not common for womens words to scar you, even if they did, I would still respect her. The poem is meant to express my awe for all women and my complete subjugation to them. What are types of women that exist? I would like to shout out more types of women and also make my point more clear as I would hate to seem to spread the opposite of the literal message of my poem entitled I love women.

[Gaylord]

Women who foster children

Women who lost millions

Women who's always on their phones

Women with student loans

Women own. 

Women make me weak 

Women who tweak 

Women who miles in a week

Women who stay inside

Women make me glad to be alive

 

 

[Gaylord]

Women with her own hair salon

Women with brains and brawn

Women are like the dawn

Women who turn over a new leaf

Women who use a booster seat

Women with right shoe on left foot

Women. Good.

 

[Mx.Drago]

I think it was the last line that made me think it was more a sarcastic love, not a love of being winded from awe.  And maybe it's a bit of my own perspectives that gave me my first thoughts. But this is why we discuss these things cuz not everybody sees things the same way. But it definitely makes the nurse part fit, but I'm not so sure bout the "women wishing all men death, " part. This isn't something I believe that should be respected. I think there's enough death in the world as is, there is no need to be wishing for more. I wish you success in your future writing pursuits. Thank you for posting.

38 minutes ago, Gaylord said:

Hello this is my work in progress poem meant to express how much I love women and the deeply respect the concept of womanhood. Thank you for the criticism! I hope I can make my poems easier to understand in the future. This poem is fueled by my exhaustion hurt disappointment and upset from anti feminist men and also by my awe of women and the way their existence in itself subverts the patriarchy. In the poem I name different categories of women that inspire me (all of the women in the poem but especially women named alexa, katrina, and marta [atl public transit,] [couldnt think of a rhyme for siri but shout out to siri, you go girl) nurses, and women who wish all men death.] I also am attempting to reference common anti-feminist 'complaints' to reject them for example although it's not common for womens words to scar you, even if they did, I would still respect her. The poem is meant to express my awe for all women and my complete subjugation to them. What are types of women that exist? I would like to shout out more types of women and also make my point more clear as I would hate to seem to spread the opposite of the literal message of my poem entitled I love women.

 

[Mx.Drago]

The rest of the work is fine. The only other pick I got is the "Women. Good." at the end is a bit weird, like in a "me Tarzan" sorta of way. Cuz you respect women for these specific things but then end it with all equaling the literal word "Good" instead of the more than just good you seem to want to describe/convey. The "Women are like the dawn," part I think is better at describing your awe, love and respect for women. Just my perspectives. Many thanks for posting. Hope to see more future work.