I Need Some Help

[King Arthur]

Hey, everyone. I’m James and I’m new here, but I decided to join, because I really need help from others. I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just explain a few things; I’m an AFAB person that likes to dress masculine, I’ve only started doing this since last year, but it feels authentic to my actual self. I’ve identified as a butch lesbian, but recently I’ve been thinking that I might be a trans guy instead. This is kind of an on again, off again thing I keep having with my gender identity every now and then. The reason I think I might be a guy is that I think I really like the idea of going on hormones and getting top surgery, and going by a male name and pronouns is really nice. However, the reason I might not be trans is that I’m just misunderstanding these feelings or just making them up entirely, as I’ve only recently started feeling this way. I also don’t think I have dysphoria, or at least a severe case of it, as I can get by with my breasts, but I still daydream about getting too surgery and having a flat chest. Again, this could just be me making up or misunderstanding these feelings, but damn, they feel so -censored- nice and I feel going on testosterone would be more authentic to myself.

Sorry for the ramble, but I guess what I’m here for are tips on how to work through this. Like if you have or have had a gender therapist, what are some ways they’ve helped you work out your gender? I don’t know when I’ll be able to get one myself and I really need help figuring this out, I’m tired of being stuck in limbo. 

[Jackie C.]

OK, look at it from the other side. What happens if I don't transition? How do you feel about yourself? A gender therapist is a good impulse. You're talking about procedures that will profoundly change your appearance and your way of thinking. If it's not the right decision for you, those changes won't be for the better and there's no path back to where you were.

 

Point the second: How do you know going on testosterone would make you feel more like yourself? It's a hell of a drug and, again, deeply changes your body and mind. You can have a general idea of what to expect, but the reality always has a few curves to throw your way.

 

Point the third: Being a woman in America kind of sucks. We're routinely discriminated against and it's deeply ingrained in our culture. Being a gay women in America sucks that much harder. While transitioning into a guy might get you into the privileged class, (FtM's pass really well. I'm kind of jealous) it will do serious damage to your psyche if it's not the right move for you.

 

So yeah, find yourself a qualified gender therapist or two and have a chat. They'll help you find your way out of the tunnel one way or another.

 

Hugs!

[King Arthur]

37 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

OK, look at it from the other side. What happens if I don't transition? How do you feel about yourself? A gender therapist is a good impulse. You're talking about procedures that will profoundly change your appearance and your way of thinking. If it's not the right decision for you, those changes won't be for the better and there's no path back to where you were.

 

Point the second: How do you know going on testosterone would make you feel more like yourself? It's a hell of a drug and, again, deeply changes your body and mind. You can have a general idea of what to expect, but the reality always has a few curves to throw your way.

 

Point the third: Being a woman in America kind of sucks. We're routinely discriminated against and it's deeply ingrained in our culture. Being a gay women in America sucks that much harder. While transitioning into a guy might get you into the privileged class, (FtM's pass really well. I'm kind of jealous) it will do serious damage to your psyche if it's not the right move for you.

 

So yeah, find yourself a qualified gender therapist or two and have a chat. They'll help you find your way out of the tunnel one way or another.

 

Hugs!

Thank you so much for replaying! The third point is something I have been pondering over, as these feelings can just be a subconscious want to have the privileges of men. But I’ve never really felt particularly attached to  the concept of womanhood or I guess being a women in general. For a time I identified as agender, but when I came out to my step-dad about it, it didn’t go too well. I have also always been apathetic towards my secondary sex characteristics, but that could just be, because I’m used to them. I do bind, and I love the feeling it gives me and how it makes me look, but it’s very dangerous long term, so I guess that could’ve why I’m interested in top surgery 

[A. Dillon]

Sure, binding isn't exactly good for you, but the damages aren't so drastic as they seem. Personally, I think it has done me a world of good, I doubt I would be alive now without it. Often, the horror stories you hear come from excessive and prolonged use, I have been binding regularly for 7 months and have suffered very few adverse effects. Sure, it can get hard sometimes, most of the times I have had real problems is when I was being a dumb@ss and exerting myself in it. As long as you don't do too much, you should be fine.

 

My second point would be to think about how you really see yourself. It is not really a question of whether you want a chest or not, it is if you feel like you should have had it in the first place. It is kind of complicated, but that is what it has always come down to me. Does it feel unnatural to have a chest? Do you have to remind yourself that people see you as a girl? Do you have a hard time imagining anyone wanting to be female? Recently I truly realized this, my sister tried on my binder just for the heck of it, and she was so uncomfortable she instantly wanted to take it off. Not because it was too tight, it was actually at least a size or two too big for her, but because it felt like she was missing something. Do you have memories of people telling you, "you are a girl, this is not how you should act," and feeling a bit crushed inside, like you lost some part of you? These are all very deep questions, you don't have to have answers in two seconds, just try to consider it.