Confused even more..

[Guest]

I'll probably won't have any answer but..

I am struggling again!  don't know again! Am I trans? am I cis?? I DON't KNOW

whenever I try to figure out my gender I  or want to be as I always was and avoid all problems but then I think that I don't want to be back! That I don't want to be "her". And than it is probably bad self acceptance and the fact that I'd always prefer to be a boy affects me! But then I think that maybe I am cis, and after I think about having a "normal" life again, no worries, but I can't, I can't go back. I'll hate her again I am lost I can't figure out anymore! This is the kind of problem that you wish would end, but unlike physical problems no one can help it is all in the head!! I want to be cis I don't want to be trans, but I don't want to be her again, she is always pretending to be someone else to be "happy" she even created this rule of never showing herself sad, she always smiled again and again and never watched at the mirror telling her that what she'll see in it is wrong! does she just don't accept herself, maybe she IS normal with another problem (don't take the "normal" in a bad way I just want to have the old life I had that's what I define as normal)

.

Maybe it is just a pass like mom said. After all last time I said I was bi she said that it was a pass and it actually WAS. Maybe it is a pass. I wish I could forget. Now that I know their is a way to "change" my gender that it is common, I can't get it out of my head!!

 

Tell me how did you know??? Did that happen to you as well?? Or am I just losing my mind???PLEASE TELL ME, I want to have an answer.. You may want to say "you're valid" or somethin a lot of people say that. But how 'd you know when myself I don't

 

Sorry that might sound rude but yeah sorry, do not take the valid thing and the normal thing personally, I on't mean anything wrong I am just lost)

 

potato

[Jackie C.]

Well, I knew because I was self-destructing while pretending to be a boy. I knew because I kept telling myself, "Wow, you would have made such a great girl." I knew because I was desperately unhappy in the male role. I knew because I was more comfortable around girls and women. I knew because I wasn't like the other boys. I knew because I had to alter my natural behavior to "fit in" with the guys. In the end, I knew because I was killing myself to get out of the role I'd been assigned at birth and I needed it to end.

 

So many things. I knew because I preferred female playstyles. I knew because I couldn't stand to have a male avatar in a video game. I knew because pretending to be a boy felt wrong. I knew because of the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew because of the deep depression I settled into once puberty hit. I knew.

 

There wasn't a big flaming sign. There was just a little mouse that kept eating at my brain until I couldn't take it anymore. I just knew.

 

Well, that was more depressing than I intended. I'm sorry you're feeling anguish sweetie. Big hugs.

[KathyLauren]

Cis people don't put any energy at into trying to figure out their gender.  How much energy have you put into it?  A lot, right?  So you sure don't sound to me like any cis person I have heard of.

 

Is the part of you that wants to be a girl motivated by a desire to be the real you or by just wanting the hassle to be over?  Is the part of you that wants to be a boy motivated by a desire to be the real you or by something else?  Which version of you feels more authentic?

 

That's where you will find your answer.

[Kian]

I'm in a place where I'm fighting my own mind and the doubts come and go, and that sounds almost like what you're going through, and that's very normal. I was recommended a book, and it may help you as well, if you want to check it out it's: https://www.amazon.ca/You-Your-Gender-Identity-Discovery/dp/1510723056

The other thing I see is a lot of people want to find a label right away, and when you mention your mom, I think most parents would react the same way (mine did). You don't need to rush into anything, and if you need to tell your mom you're at least questioning, that may lessen the blow when/if you do officially come out to her and she may see that being seen as male isn't a phase. 

My biggest piece of advice would be to take it slow, and at a pace you're comfortable with if you're confusing yourself even more. If you are confusing yourself more and feeling overwhelmed by everything, take it piece by piece, one thing at a time.

 

Also, write things down. Keep a journal of how your feeling. It doesn't have to be every day, but if you feel like crap or you feel good make a note of it. You can look back at those notes and have a log of how you've been feeling. 

[Guest]

Thanx guys for your replies I've been thinking about it and well

 

I do relate to it but part of me is just saying it is bad self acceptance (I am not saying it is your case thou!!)

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

Wow, you would have made such a great girl.

I always wanted to eb a boy and felt like I'd be a sexy one (that's a bit weird)

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I knew because I was desperately unhappy in the male role

That is what I think is my "bad self-acceptance.. "maybe I feel unhappy for something else" but then

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I knew because I was more comfortable around girls and women

I always hated girls and most of my friends were are boys

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 I knew because I wasn't like the other boys

People used to call me "crazy" or tomboy, they still do actually =3=

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I knew because I had to alter my natural behavior to "fit in" with the guys

I had those, what I called "feminine moment" it's when I tried my best to act more how I am supposed to do..

 

But puberty didn't make me feel bad as I expected it to make me look more feminine and then accepted. And I didn't have depression because I already had it younger and that  I am doing my best to get away from it.

 

49 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

 

Is the part of you that wants to be a girl motivated by a desire to be the real you or by just wanting the hassle to be over?

I want to stop worrying and live a happy life but I feel like I can't, so I just think that if I go back then I'll be fine.After all I lived like that for 15 years (I am 16 but I started asking myself some questions before my birthday)

49 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

Is the part of you that wants to be a boy motivated by a desire to be the real you or by something else?

(My french side had a bit of a problem translate it in it's brain)

I want to be a boy because it matches me. But what if I am just a "tomboy" like they say?

I always felt like there is another answer possible, so that is making me doubt..

 

also @Kian I did talk about questioning, well not directly, we did this chat were I told her how much I'd care about being a boy, she seemed so understanding but then after she cut my hair like I wanted to dad said that she should've make it longer niw I "just look like a boy" and she said "zhe is in a phase where zhe wants to be a boy" I felt so bad. the way she said it was like she was saying "I don't want to hear about ok it's ridiculous"

 

Also I have heard of this book but if I buy it (first I don't have an account) my parents might wonder "what da hell"s that" ^~^'

 

And I already keep a journal since I think the beginning of the lock-down (around 13 mars) it's 2 weeks after I learnt what was trans. And I just found out that whenever I thought I understand just like that time where I said I had always been that boy who just was female before just to  accept that female part i just happened to go back to where I was before

[Guest]

oh that's longer than expected I guess in the beginning I was just answering jackie and the rest came =~="

[Kian]

When did you actually come out to your parents (whether you said you were questioning or trans)? 

If it has only been 2 months since experimenting and figuring out you're probably trans, that hasn't been a very long time, honestly. And I think that's very normal for your parents to react the way they have. They've known you as your assigned sex for # years only for you to now say, "hey, I think I'm trans", that's not going to be easy for a lot of people fully grasp and understand. 

 

I think when you cut your hair short, that was the catalyst where your parents finally realized that you're no longer their daughter, and it may feel like a loss to them. It may take time for them to come around, and hopefully they're not LGBT-phobic. But I do think slowly easing both yourself and your parents into how you're feeling and everything else, will probably be a good way forward. 

[Jackie C.]

It's OK sweetie, vent all you need to. You asked for personal experience, so I gave you mine. Don't worry if it doesn't line up exactly. We're different people in different circumstances. Everybody discovers themselves a little differently. If there were some sort of binary playbook, that would be too easy.

 

If X AND Y THEN YOU=TRANS<#modifier>

 

Tragically, it doesn't work like that. We've all got our own paths to walk and we've all got different things that make us happy or feel complete. You need to work out what makes you comfortable living in your own skin and do whatever you can to make that happen. Fortunately, as you said, you're sixteen. You've got some time to work things out.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

 

36 minutes ago, Ethan da potato said:

I do relate to it but part of me is just saying it is bad self acceptance (I am not saying it is your case thou!!)

I always wanted to eb a boy and felt like I'd be a sexy one (that's a bit weird)

That is what I think is my "bad self-acceptance.. "maybe I feel unhappy for something else" but then

I always hated girls and most of my friends were are boys

People used to call me "crazy" or tomboy, they still do actually =3=

I had those, what I called "feminine moment" it's when I tried my best to act more

how I am supposed to do..

 

But puberty didn't make me feel bad as I expected it to make me look more feminine and then accepted. And I didn't have depression because I already had it younger and that  I am doing my best to get away from it.

 

I want to stop worrying and live a happy life but I feel like I can't, so I just think that if I go back then I'll be fine.After all I lived like that for 15 years (I am 16 but I started asking myself some questions before my birthday)

(My french side had a bit of a problem translate it in it's brain)

I want to be a boy because it matches me. But what if I am just a "tomboy" like they say?

I always felt like there is another answer possible, so that is making me doubt..

 

also @Kian I did talk about questioning, well not directly, we did this chat were I told her how much I'd care about being a boy, she seemed so understanding but then after she cut my hair like I wanted to dad said that she should've make it longer niw I "just look like a boy" and she said "zhe is in a phase where zhe wants to be a boy" I felt so bad. the way she said it was like she was saying "I don't want to hear about ok it's ridiculous"

 

Also I have heard of this book but if I buy it (first I don't have an account) my parents might wonder "what da hell"s that" ^~^'

 

And I already keep a journal since I think the beginning of the lock-down (around 13 mars) it's 2 weeks after I learnt what was trans. And I just found out that whenever I thought I understand just like that time where I said I had always been that boy who just was female before just to  accept that female part i just happened to go back to where I was before

I knew I want bottom surgery at least, constantly felt like I'm missing a part of myself. Am I a clear cut man, maybe not, but still want to be one. But when you look at your body and where you want to be when you reach that age, to take off into the adult pool. What are you, ok with? You don't have to get rid of the female stuff, that came with the package, obviously, the question is do you want the male additions? You can still have fun with men, with male parts as well as with female parts too, and at some point go for the whole clean male or female display, or continue to swing between the 2 later on, it's all fine. But sounds to me you're in the in-between regardless as of now. Your still young yet to decide on what the plan will be, and shouldn't be so hasty to cut things off as of yet, before you've given yourself a clearer concept of yourself and what you want. Do research and don't stop asking questioning or looking for answers. You also need to stop and reflect on what is ok personally for you, and what can be done about it. Your not losing your mind, your just questioning it so to prepare yourself to reach your final form.

[Guest]

49 minutes ago, Kian said:

I think when you cut your hair short, that was the catalyst

I actually have my hair short for almost a year now ehe, I just had pixies hair cut believe me it was the first time that the mirror smiled ^^

plus I think too that it hasn't been long that's why I didn't want to tell them anyway but I really felt like I should tell my mom.. But I understand thanx bro.

46 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Fortunately, as you said, you're sixteen. You've got some time to work things out.

 

yeah, like you said on a comment before human can live almost for 120 years and 15 years is only 12.5 percent of that.

I guess I'll still learn something out of it patience!!

30 minutes ago, Mx.Drago said:

You don't have to get rid of the female stuff, that came with the package, obviously, the question is do you want the male additions?

IDK, clearly when I was little I knew what was transexual and only that, it is the only thing that kept me away from thinking more about it. I always said "I'll never be trans" haha, oh well..

I don't think considering surgery well at least not bottom. And as for top I am what we call "flat" so no worries. And for T that's a thing I do considerate Oo I don't want to look 12 all my life, even if I am tall it won't be enough ^^

[Mx.Drago]

51 minutes ago, Ethan da potato said:

I don't think considering surgery well at least not bottom. And as for top I am what we call "flat" so no worries. And for T that's a thing I do considerate Oo I don't want to look 12 all my life, even if I am tall it won't be enough ^^

I highly doubt you're going to look 12 all your life. At 16 might be flat now, but there's always room for the puppies to grow. I was fairly flat till I started college, now my partner won't let them go. If you gain lots of weight they'll definitely grow. Discuss it with your therapist or with folks here in the forum who have gone through the process. I'm 5'2" it don't matter how tall you are but what's inside that counts.

[Guest]

oh well, ok. I hope it is going to stay like that for a while cause I need to keep my money for high school and college!! Oo