Why all the Effort?

[Sally Stone]

Presenting as the woman I want people to see is a lot of work, so, occasionally, I ask myself: “is all the effort required, really necessary?”  Honestly, I’m not certain, but just the same, I couldn’t imagine going out in public any other way than smartly dressed, with perfect hair and makeup. 

 

I have a dear friend, she is the kind of friend who can get away with saying anything to me without having to worry if it hurts my feelings; well, she always chides me for looking glamorous, even when the situation may only require casual.  When we are out together, our style choices are usually always diametrically opposed.  She will be dressed in jeans and a casual pullover top, where my presentation would probably be more suited to a professional business woman.  Even my wife sometimes gives me a hard time about how much effort I put into doing my makeup, an effort that goes into my presentation every single time I present as a woman.

 

The question is why?  Why are casual dress and minimalist makeup not part of my presentation?  I guess, ultimately, I want others to see an image that matches the image I have of myself.  In my mind’s eye, I am a glamorous woman, so I dress to achieve that look.  It is also possible that when I’m socializing with others, I don’t want there to be any doubt that my presentation is all feminine. It takes a lot of work to mask and cover all of the physical characteristics that identify me as male born, so, maybe an over-the-top feminine presentation, a girly-girl look, is my way of trying to keep others from readily recognizing my birth gender.  I mean, I want others to see me as a woman, so, maybe if I don’t put tremendous effort into my appearance, perhaps someone will see through to the birth gender underneath.

 

One thing I can say with certainty, is that my efforts have proven effective, because, when I’m out and interacting with others, I’m generally always recognized and treated as a woman. And, I can’t help but wonder, that if my feminine presentation was anything less, if it might create doubt in others, that my expectation is to be identified and treated as a woman.  

[NB Adult]

Good post Sally and equally good insights Suzanne! I always applaud those who make the effort to be all they can be in life, on the other hand like Suzanne says there's a balance with what's appropriate for time, place and occasion if you prefer to fit in and not draw undue attention to yourself. Genetic females are notorious at scrutinizing other women' s dress and behavior. You might think what would an NB Adult know about these things. I spent years contemplating becoming a girly-girl and observing people. Suzanne has valid points, so hope you consider her take on things. 

[Sally Stone]

2 hours ago, NB Adult said:

Suzanne has valid points, so hope you consider her take on things. 

I tend to consider everyone's take on things NB, so, Suzanne, your comments and thoughts are welcome and appreciated.  Something else that drives my motivation about dress and appearance is that I am not full-time, so the opportunities I get to be a woman, I like to make the most of.  I'm not naive enough to think that if I did transition fully, that my routine wouldn't get burdensome pretty quickly; I know it would.

 

And while it's true I probably "overdress" a lot of the times, I like to think that what I wear is well-stated and appropriate.

 

3 hours ago, Suzanne1 said:

If one wants to stand out in public (as opposed to blending into the social milieu), dress to the nines

Suzanne, I have to admit that I actually like the attention I garner when I'm out.  It's completely opposite from what happens when I'm out in male mode which is, that I'm mostly invisible.  Getting a little attention feels nice.

[NB Adult]

1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

I tend to consider everyone's take on things NB, so, Suzanne, your comments and thoughts are welcome and appreciated.  Something else that drives my motivation about dress and appearance is that I am not full-time, so the opportunities I get to be a woman, I like to make the most of.  I'm not naive enough to think that if I did transition fully, that my routine wouldn't get burdensome pretty quickly; I know it would.

 

And while it's true I probably "overdress" a lot of the times, I like to think that what I wear is well-stated and appropriate.

 

Suzanne, I have to admit that I actually like the attention I garner when I'm out.  It's completely opposite from what happens when I'm out in male mode which is, that I'm mostly invisible.  Getting a little attention feels nice.

Sally,

 

Hope I didn't offend you with my comments, I know not everyone always appreciate my take on things and I can be rather blunt without meaning to. I hate it when some dummy dumps on another's picnic....sorry bout that dear.

[Sally Stone]

NB, please, rest assured you did not offend me.  I just wanted to reinforce the fact that I welcome other views, and that I don't expect everyone to agree with me.  Being receptive to another's views or opinions is healthy for honest and effective communication.  So, you don't have to apologize, but, it's sweet that you did.

[Susan R]

10 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Something else that drives my motivation about dress and appearance is that I am not full-time, so the opportunities I get to be a woman, I like to make the most of.

Although full time, this is one of my motivators and main reasons why I enjoy looking my best. Maybe I’m making up for lost time. Who knows? I still dress down on occasion but for the most part, I never leave my home unless I have made a decent effort to look presentable as a woman. I personally don’t like looking sloppy.

 

Susan R?

[KayC]

When I can finally present out in public I hope I look as great as you @Sally Stone and @Susan R  you both have great style❣️

[Mx.Drago]

Live, love, laugh as much as you can and for as long as you can, for life is but moments we meet and make for yourself and to all a goodnight after on. If only forever could happiness last, but guess I'll have to settle with next best, if only at least minimum. Just walking around packing, as warm, detached, and uncomfortable as it can get, puts me on the moon with feeling of both joy and terror. Would like to be rid of the terror part, cuz fear is the mind killer, and nature always will take the rest of whatever society leaves behind. So I try to enjoy what time I have no matter how hard it seems.

[Erikka]

When I am in my city, I rarely wear a dress. I do mascara and lipstick. Rarely anything more complex. When I visit my friend in the Bay Area I wear dresses and skirts and add bit more makeup. It is not that I won’t wear a dress when home, it is Humboldt County! I dress to fit in.

 

[Sally Stone]

Kay, your comment about my style is sweet.  Thanks so much?

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Kay, your comment about my style is sweet.  Thanks so much?

Ditto @KayC You’re a sweetie!

 

Susan R?