feeling stupid lately

[BrandenLeon]

so i told my friend my gender issues. and explained to him i think i am trans male. and he says to me i can't be at all. he says i am more non-bioarny. he gay. so i feel like i might be stupid for believing all this time i am some thing i am not. i rencently changed my name tag at work to a male name and people have been making fun of me or down right insulating me. they keep saying i am not a gut. and i am starting to believe them about their words. maybe i am just stupid. i don't know anymore to be honest.

 

my aunt also told me i am just confused with all the trauma that has happened to me in my life. she saying i am just using this as a faze and coping.

 

i really don't know what to do at this point in my life.

i just hope i can move away soon away form my family and my so called co-workers. i only have a few months till i move in with my faincee. he has been a big help in my life so far. 

 

i guess i am just having doubts. sorry for being upset. i needed to vent.

[VickySGV]

First thing to do, is to breathe,  Nothing else at first and then you will calm down and it will start making sense.  Finding someone whose mind is not made up before they LISTEN to you, Listen not just hear and speak.  Either go to your health plan or to your local LGBTQ community center and find a licensed counselor  who knows what Gender feelings are all about.  Your gender is what YOU know it to be, not your friend, your co-workers or your Grandmother. At the LGBTQ center you can also join a group of people in the same place you are in dealing with gender.  Until you get there, and even after we are here to do what we can to at least.  We can stay with you and share our experiences with you.  You do not have to find out tomorrow exactly where you are or what you are.  You pretty much know what you are not, but there is a lot of room to just be you.  There is actually a book entitled How To Be You, by Jeffrey Marsh who is a delightful and caring  what ever Jeffrey feels like as, Jeffrey produces Trans oriented  entertainment.  FYI.

[michelle_kitten]

The one thing you are not is stupid.  You're trying to work through some things in you're life, and that is seldom some a nice tidy process.  It can be messy and it can take time.  That's okay.  There is no rule that says you have to be alright every minute and know what you're doing all the time.  That is like even more true when you have survived trauma.  The fact that you are trying to figure things out and are asking questions about your identity totally makes me feel like you're ready and trying to heal.

 

It isn't helpful for people to make fun of others when they are struggling.  I am so sorry this is happening to you.  You have to realize ridicule is not a healthy way to treat others, and then do what you need to do to be healthy and happy.  Please, know it doesn't have to be that way.

 

I agree totally with @VickySGV, getting a therapist can help, because at least you have someone to talk to who won't judge you, and certainly won't make fun of you.

[Jackie C.]

There's a reason we always harp on finding a good gender therapist: They help you to find who you were meant to be. After all, if somebody could tell just by looking we'd all be correctly gendered all the time.

 

Sometimes people are horrible to those of us that don't fit some pre-conceived mold. Those people aren't really worth listening to. They don't understand. Honestly, cis people really struggle with what it's like to be trans. They don't have a frame of reference.

 

So yeah. You're not stupid. There's no reason for people to torment you about who you really are. I mean how do THEY know, right? Find yourself. Do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself comfortable in your own skin. Be your authentic self. Be happy.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

I had a gay friend, tell me straight, no way. It hurt, but to hell with them, they be dumb and rude. I'm sorry your friend said that, shame on them. You're not stupid at all, you trusted him and he only added insult to injury with his narrow minded answer. You are who you say you are. You feel you identify as male, then that's more than likely what you are.

I'm bigendered, I'm fine being both male and female. I can't see myself as just straight applying to one or the other, I'm just both. But if you feel you are male, then don't let anybody make you feel any less, cuz they know nothing. Just request to see their PHD in psychology specifically in the lgbtqa+ field. If they don't have one, they shouldn't be saying anything cuz they still know nothing.

My aunt said you're not male unless you have a penis and cojones. Can't even make a peep at work. That's my life in a nutshell, but I am what I am and to hell with what anybody else wants, they just have to deal with me all the same whether they approve or not. You have a right to be upset at those close minded folk, but don't beat yourself up cuz they have problems. Strength and courage to you friend, your life is your own, and don't let people bring you down cuz they can't deal with your reality.

[Guest]

Ok so first : never, NEVER let other say what you are, NEVER take it like they are right, this type of infos are useless to you it can only destroy you! You are whatever you think you are but DON'T think things because someone told you so! Also, you still have some month so with all my heart : "GOOD LUCK" I think that you'll be able to live happily, do NOT assume that if everyone tells you again and again that you're stupid it's right, it is NOT!

..hehe sorry I really  got into this message, it's just that I had something similar ruining my  young childhood before (not link with trans things thou) and I hate to see that this kind of things happens somewhere else..

I wish you happiness and a happy life with your fiancee! Smile it's your force (do not force it thou  )

[Erikka]

Words hurt, no doubt, and purposeful humiliation is not acceptable. I have a niece who routinely posts anti trans comments. Never refers to me in the feminine, but always in the masculine, misgenders and dead names me...constantly. She believes that there are only two genders and anything else is mental illness. I can walk past comments by strangers no problem. But to be called stupid, mentally ill, sick, twisted, unstable and so confused as to not know what you are doing, is not only unacceptable, I think it hurts more because prior to transitioning we had a good relationship. There will always be narrow minded people that take pleasure in pointing out the different in others. Remember this! You have every right to be who you are and there are very few people on this planet that you owe any explanation to. 
I am sorry you have to suffer fools and disrespectful individuals. It sucks. But you are not stupid.

[Charlize]

Branden hopefully in reading the responses above you have found the support and suggestions  i needed to get through my self doubt.  I had also considered myself as stupid to even consider my existence as a woman.  Honesty during therapy, posting here and realizing i wasn't alone helped me find peace with myself.

Thank you of reminding me of my journey.  We've got your back.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Robin]

There is a popular belief that gay people have more of an insight into gender issues than straight people.  I am not convinced that there is any sound evidence to support this view.

 

Robin.

[Tori M]

On 6/3/2020 at 7:52 AM, Robin said:

There is a popular belief that gay people have more of an insight into gender issues than straight people.  I am not convinced that there is any sound evidence to support this view.

 

Robin.

 

Definitely not!  Some of the worst responses I've gotten were from gay people.  Most would insist, "You're just gay".  Well, I'm not.  Not in the sense that they meant, as in gay guy.  Their response was so shallow it made me feel like they just wanted to recruit a new member (sorry, all, I know that's kind of a crude thing to say).  And Cis-gendered people don't have a clue either.  Being trans is utterly alien to anyone who's not.  @BrandenLeon, no matter what the topic is, you can't listen to people who don't know what they're talking about.  Peace!