I really need to educate my mom Oo'

[Guest]

Today we visited my grandma in a erm ehpad (a place for aged sick people I guess, I rl don't know how to translate it Oo)

And there was a nurse that came by to help granny. As she is always a bit judgy she said "I  never know if she is a man or a woman" and my mom didn't really pay any attention to what she said cause she has a mental illness and say some things with no reason or meanings, but then she said it again, so mom took a closer look. Oh potato if you knew what she said XD(?)

She said no He is none he is transgender. me : ...HUH?! and then we changed the subject (I didn't want to bring the subject to my grandma for nothing

But when we went back in the car I told her "why did you say she was trans??" and she said "cause he had a bit of facial hair closely shaved behind his mask he is probably transitioning to female" oh my potato I thought that I was going to explode XD. I told her that if she WAS indeed transitioning mtf than she should use female pronouns, cause if she is ftm, She IS a women. And she was like "yeah but you know maybe he is transitioning to male" And then I got lost XD. My brain went to "but she looks like a girl" to "but if they are ftm than I am saying they don't pass" and then I got super lost starting to use no binary pronounce, (my mom found the pronoms amusing btw) and I thought like I really needed to educate her XD, so I kinda said that I had a ftm friend XD and that he told me that he was a dude even thou he was AFAB, (which is not true, man I hate to lie) But it was super hard! She is not transphobe she just doesn't know and there is a lot of people like that, I was as well, ignorant. But the fact that she also said that to dad I also realized that people like that spread ignorance thinking they know. Also I think she thinks that trans is a gender in itself... hum, what i she gonna think when I'll come out? Mystery!!

The worst is that maybe this nurse was cis women that happen to grow facial hair, it happens, moral of the story don't interpret the gender by the appearance.. sight - =A=

[Guest]

let me clarify when she said that the nurse might me ftm she said that maybe they were using hormones as some ftm would let there hair long, that's why I got confuse ?

man I feel bad about using they them pronounce, what if they are wrong???

[Jackie C.]

First off, we call them "Assisted Living, Nursing Homes or Hospice" depending on the level of care. Assisted living is "Independent but somebody checks in on your regularly" where Hospice is "24 hour care where we make you as comfortable as possible while you wait for the reaper." Nursing home is somewhere in the middle.

 

Secondly, I've found that if I don't know, the best policy is to ask. "Hey, what are your pronouns?" I've been known to wear mine on my shirt, but not everybody is that proactive. The asking is best done in private. There's no need to out anybody if they're stealth.

 

Finally, I'm SURE you've made friends with someone on this site who is FtM. Internet friends count so you didn't lie.

 

As to "trans is a gender" you need to explain the difference between trans and someone who might not feel like they're either gender. Of course there's also people who feel like they're somewhere between, both, neither or one or the other depending on the day. That's probably quite the undertaking. It can be hard to get someone who thinks of gender as a binary to accept that it's really more of a spectrum.

 

Hugs!

[Guest]

45 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Finally, I'm SURE you've made friends with someone on this site who is FtM. Internet friends count so you didn't lie.

yeah you're right I DID make friends hehe ^^

and I thought about asking but I though what if they are actually cis and am like ugh XD

46 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

It can be hard to get someone who thinks of gender as a binary to accept that it's really more of a spectrum.

yeah I get that ,that's why I don't take what she sais SERIOUSLY, I think it is more a funny anecdote  ^^, even thou I'll educate her cuase if I don't she won't understand me ^^ (my dad is a real mystery thou, he doesn't talk bout it, he doesn't really care actually XD Mysteryyyy...)

[Guest]

and thanx for the ALNHH I guess it's like that, now I also learn english here, so educative wooah ✨

[VickySGV]

30 minutes ago, Ethan da potato said:

and I thought about asking but I though what if they are actually cis and am like ugh XD

 

When the Admins review applications for membership here, we do our very best to assure that our members are Trans N/B or family members of Trans.  There are many ways the Admin group can tell who is legit and who is not.  If you think someone got in by accident who is not, let one of the Admin's know fast.

[A. Dillon]

It is all confusing, just try to not assume things. Sometimes I see people wearing what looks like a binder and I always say in my head "my trans family, show up and show out!" It might just be an undershirt, but I generally have a really good eye for it. Asking people what their prefered pronouns is the best strategy, it shows the most respect for their identity and them as a person. Your mom was wrong to jump to assumptions, but it could genuinely be her best attempt to be respectful. I mean, there are people who are not very open about their transition. Just suggest that she thinks about what she is saying a bit more, and talk about how misgendering can make a trans person, or any person, feel.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

talk about how misgendering can make a trans person, or any person, feel.

I tried XD, that's why I used the friend example, I wanted to say that to be called trans or be misgendered can hurt "AnD I KnEw IT caUse Of mE FrIEnd" XD, I mean you're my friend but you know what I mean hehe ^^

but every time I started the subject she seemed pissed a bit, I guess she doesn't like when she tells me somthn thinking that I'll learn from it but  am actually the one educating  her XD, oh well,  I'll do my best!