Back again to questioning haha..

[Guest]

For 3 days I haven't been thinking about gender. But something was still here. You know when you have a switch on or off on your mood, it needs a good hit to pass from one to another,lately it's in the middle, so if something just gently touch the switch it will change side. What I mean is a shmurtsy little thing can make me really sad, or happy. The morning before those 3 days I felt normal in the morning and I'd start my day thinking so the switch was constantly on sad. But making me think of something else made me i the middle.

But I feel that I should think about it. Like it was super important. Just like when you have work to do and you decide to take a break. During this break, you'll feel better but still feel like you shouldn't take a break and go back t work. But whenever I thought about it, I felt like I was board of it. Nah Idwant that anymore, leave me alone. I don't want, this constant sadness, Idwant to constantly look at the mirror and see this boy to feel better, it's making me so tired. Avoid to see my chest when I put my shirt off and ending up seeing it and feel disgust. Thinking "so am I a boy?" I want no more.

Idw to hear anything about gender. My boyfriend called me an adorable and sweet girl, then corrected himself. Frankly I do not care both of it hurts. Just the word gender makes my hairs on garde a vous. I just can't. I want to pretend to be someone else without knowing what's wrong. It's just like a kid who feels hurt at his leg and sees the injure and see that his leg is bleeding. At that point they will cry even if in the beginning they thought they felt nothing.

So I'm back, back at what am I. Am I cis, ftm, or just nothing. just nothing. I know that if I ask my self stuff it's probably trans the social and chest dysphoria is a proof as well but by any chance coldn't it be something else. To know that I'm trans makes me feel worst. Maybe I'm just nothng. Being cis and trans both makes me sad..

[Jackie C.]

You could be non-binary or genderfluid. That's just me spitballing though. You should really talk to a gender therapist to help you feel more comfortable with yourself.

 

Big hugs sweetie. You'll figure yourself out.

[Guest]

thanx

[Guest]

mm.. this message that I sent seemed huuu... a bit harsh, I wasn't really open at this moment and I thought about what you said

I think I know what is going on but i'm actually not putting the nb and genderfuid idea away

When I was young, I always wanted to be, when I was young XD no I ALWAYS wanted to be the perfect child perfect person. I have a passion, well I'll do everything do do it as a job, always trying to have good grades, when I didn't it would cause anxiety to say how much i wanted, wanted to be sage, calm, and always smiling, numerous are the people saying that I'm always smiling, It's kinda true, when I'm stressed during a presentation or an exam I'll smile automatically, I was the only one of my school talking english and wanting to go in an Big school, wanted to be a polyglot, always wanted to be the best, and I thought I was and to see my sister turning bad made my ego go even stronger

And this appeared. That is not something planned. When I was in 6th grade I already knew what I wanted to do. Everything was planed for almost 15 years in advance, for my schools and after. This, wasn't part of the plan, high school is made for graduation, the Bac not this.

 

That is why I also regected the NB, gender fluid and anything other then male/female, I want to be normal the perfect kid, and I feel, that this is not. I'm not saying that any other gender then those two is abnormal! no, but not for me, I'm so perfect how could I? (this is sarcasm I'm not narcissist XD)

Sr for seeming harsh, when I'm sad I ask for support but I also want to be alone, but literally alone cut contact with everyone XD(I don't do it thou), I guess Idwant anyone to see this side of me, for the same reasons as before.

[Mx.Drago]

 

3 hours ago, Ethan da potato said:

So I'm back, back at what am I. Am I cis, ftm, or just nothing. just nothing. I know that if I ask my self stuff it's probably trans the social and chest dysphoria is a proof as well but by any chance coldn't it be something else. To know that I'm trans makes me feel worst. Maybe I'm just nothng. Being cis and trans both makes me sad..

?Transfeminine?

I'm more transmasculine technically, but I recognize myself as being bigendered. I can be considered genderfluid, but that's not quite right either for me feeling wise. You're not nothing, you're your own perfectly imperfect you. You're normal. Most of humanity has just been delusional, constantly drilling these idealized perfections into everythingbodies head, when the reality is gender isn't nice neat little rows of two extremes. It's hard to make plans around something when the thought is omitted from the plan in general because society is uncomfortable. Maybe somebody should remind them this has been happening since the dawn of humanity.