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Questioning?


Kristin Lynne

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Do I have the right to destroy my wife's happiness because I have a need to transition?

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Hi Kristin

I think it might be best to talk to your therapist about it.  Is it fair not to tell her?

I have never been in your situation but many ladies from here have been. I am sure that will have much to offer.

I hope it works out for you no matter what decision you make

Hugs

Carrie

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Hi, Kristin,

 

Many of us have spouses who were initially quite unhappy when we came out.  But that was the initial response, when the shock of unexpected news was first processed.  This will be a very long process, and with it opportunities for your spouse to begin to get used to you with a new gender identity.  Both of you will be adjusting, even if unconsciously.  As @Carrie suggests, a gender therapist who can, ideally, work with both of you and encourage cross-communication can help considerably.  

 

In short, don't assume that it's a done deal already that you'll be destroying your wife's happiness.  It is possible that a better outcome than that can happen.  I say that because as you read the stories of many of the folks here, you'll see a real spectrum of spousal reactions long-term -- everything from divorce to acceptance to solid support.

 

Also, consider the opposite of your question -- "Do I have an obligation to destroy my happiness in order to keep my wife happy?".

Bottling everything up and staying in the closet is something many of us here did, but could do no longer.  

 

Hugs and best wishes,

 

Astrid

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  • Forum Moderator

Sweetie, does you spouse have the right to destroy your happiness because you need to transition? Marriage is a partnership. Both sides need to be happy for the marriage to be healthy. Would your spouse want you to be miserable just so she can maintain the facade of being married to a man?

 

Sometimes marriages end, even when both people love each other. However, statistics show that 55% of marriages where one partner comes out as trans still survive. Those aren't the best odds, but they're not terrible either.

 

At the end of the day, it comes down to you. What are you willing to give up to finally be happy and yourself?

 

Hugs!

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Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. I have contacted a therapist and will discuss thgis concern with her. I think I am always finding roadblocks to my happiness. I need to discuss all my issues with her so I can move on. The need to transition in my soul is very dtrong and not acting is making me more miserable each day.

 

Love 

Kristin

 

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