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I found a man? Or did I?


Carrie

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Hi everyone

I met someone online about a year ago.  We enjoyed talking online so swapped phone numbers.  Each time we talked we were on the phone for over an  hour, we seemed to have a lot in common.

He and I decided we wanted to meet so we arranged a coffee date in Parramatta which is one of the bigger suburbs in western Sydney in a place called Westfield don't know if you have those over in America.

He was about 3 years older than me.  He paid for the coffee and food then we went shopping together well I did some shopping and he came with me. He was really sweet he held my hand the whole time that we were together, We went out once more after that then kind of drifted apart.

When this pandemic started I rang him to see how he and his family was.  He is divorced and has four daughters kind of.  We started talking again for a while but have not spoken for  a few weeks.  I am thinking about sending a text to see what is happening.  He works all sorts of hours for the railroad.

I am not sure if he was seeing me because a Trans woman or not. Which seems the opposite problem to most other times.  His oldest daughter is thinking of becoming his oldest son. ?  That journey has not as yet started but maybe soon.

It is hard to work out if he was seeing me because of that or because he liked me. 

I guess I wont find out unless I contact him.

Puzzled

Carrie

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  • Forum Moderator

@Carrie What an interesting opportunity. You likely won’t find out what he likes about you until you rekindle things between yourselves. If you liked him and he wants to move forward, then why not? Like you say, you’ll never know unless you try.  Good luck!

 

Susan R?

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Oh Carrie dear, that is so sweet you found someone.

 

Please be safe at all times dear and times shall reveal everything.

The sign that this gentleman has hold your hand, it is a good sign. 

 

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That sounds wonderful dear.  Just make sure you keep meeting in public for some time.  If he was holding your hand i would say he likes you.  Many guys don't seem that affectionate and apparently have only one thing on their mind.  Holding hands is romantic and sweet as Dinaki mentioned.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Hi Carrie - what's the status on this? Have you contacted him since posting?

If he held your hand, that does imply he had some attraction toward/affection for you. Whether that meant that he had any hopes of a serious relationship or not, who can say (besides himself, of course)?

You mentioned meeting a year ago, then meeting a second time, before drifting apart. Was there anything of note that happened during the second meeting that may have caused the drift?

After the pandemic began and the two of your were back in communication briefly, at what point did the communication trail off? in both of these circumstances, do you feel it is you who drifted, or that it was he who drifted -- or would you say it felt like a mutual drifting?

I'm not sure I entirely understood what you were saying about the trans stuff. Did he know you were trans ahead of the meeting? Personally, I am wary of men who seek out trans*women because it feels predatory and triggers fears of being fetishized. And outside of that sometimes they will appear interested but are really just curious, then upon meeting get scared and start to back off. I'm not saying that is the situation you are in, but you expressed concern that his seeing you (or maybe the drifting apart?) had something to do with you being trans, which I guess makes me wonder if that is part of it.

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Hi Siobhan

He knew I was trans before meeting me.  His oldest daughter is thinking about changing from female to male.  I thought he might be talking to me and going out with me to understand more about his daughter rather than being attracted to me. 

I like him a lot and we have a lot in common we like a lot of the same movies.

I have never had a long time relationship and worry about pushing myself onto him I guess I do not know what to think. 

He is a nice man and is three years older than me.

Perhaps I will try ringing him in the near future not sure yet.

Thanks for asking

Carrie

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1 hour ago, Carrie said:

I have never had a long time relationship and worry about pushing myself onto him I guess I do not know what to think. 

 

Everybody deserves to be Happy and Loved, Carrie.  Wishing the Best for you❣️

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Thanks.  I guess I am not sure of myself in this.  We have both backed off from each other a couple of times and I did not want to push him too much. But I do really like him. 

I will send him a text tomorrow. See where that goes. ?

Thanks Dragonfly

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Sending you good luck vibes!

 

I've not had the best of luck with men. When you find a good one, it's worth going for it!

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Carrie, hope it goes well and at the bare minimum, your friendship comes out stronger. Have a wonderful day! Hugs!

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Thanks I have a telephone appointment at 10 am.  I will text him after that and tell him I am coming to his station.  He is a station master and has worked for the railways for 42 years.  So if he is on shift we may even get lunch together if he wants to see me. 

Thank you both of you

Carrie

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14 hours ago, Carrie said:

Hi Siobhan

He knew I was trans before meeting me.  His oldest daughter is thinking about changing from female to male.  I thought he might be talking to me and going out with me to understand more about his daughter rather than being attracted to me. 

I like him a lot and we have a lot in common we like a lot of the same movies.

I have never had a long time relationship and worry about pushing myself onto him I guess I do not know what to think. 

He is a nice man and is three years older than me.

Perhaps I will try ringing him in the near future not sure yet.

Thanks for asking

Carrie

 

It could be that he is reading apprehension in your attempt to not seem pushy. I totally get why you might worry about being too pushy though.

Like others have suggested, maybe shoot him a text when you feel up to it. Maybe you can arrange a skype 'date; or something!

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Well I texted him this morning and it took him almost a minute to text me back.  So I guess I will see where we go from there. ?

 

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So it seems. He apologised that we had not spoken for some time. Just wait and see now I guess. ?

 

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That’s a good sign. Like I said before, if anything more serious doesn’t come of this, hopefully you at least rekindle and strengthen the friendship. The waiting game is never fun though. 

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No it is not.  Unfortunately I can not just ring him because his shifts are all over the place so I never know when he is working or sleeping.  His weekends can sometimes be in the middle of the week and another time it might be on the weekend.  His shifts are day afternoon and night shifts. It seems an awkward way t o have to work. Thanks for your thoughts. It is helpful. ?

 

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4 hours ago, Carrie said:

Unfortunately I can not just ring him because his shifts are all over the place so I never know when he is working or sleeping.

If he shares his work and availability schedule with you, Carrie, then you'll know he is serious.  Good luck❣️

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oh oh oh Carrie, ask him if he has a single friend, I am available

 

OMG...I have no idea why I have just asked that

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