Another Step Forward - First Therapy Session

[Robin.C]

Evening to my Northern neighbours ?

 

So therapy. Well I'm slightly disappointed, no crying no tears.

However a realisation as I talked I've essentially learnt to survive really well and hide the woman inside, even to myself.

It's like I've been pretending to be a man all this time when I wasn't.

If you can have a list of what are transgender markers, talking to my therapist I can tick just about every one.

 

I feel a sense of relief and ...

something I cannot define at the moment.

 

LOL .. I have homework to do as well.

 

One thing to note the place and therapist is experienced with trans people and other gender issues so all the people were and are polite and respectful.

 

I still feel a bit numb, still in boy mode I guess. Though inside something has changed. Not totally sure I know exactly what, however I'm not the same person I was before that session.

So another step forward another day beckons here as its morning and its back to work.

 

Hugs

Robin

 

I have survived now I need to learn to thrive.

 

[Lexi C]

Wow Congrats Robin. I love your closing quote. We all need to learn to thrive. 

Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS

[Jani]

36 minutes ago, Robin.C said:

Not totally sure I know exactly what, however I'm not the same person I was before that session.

@Robin.C this is how I felt too.  Other than telling my story and feeling relief, nothing had yet changed.  But in reality I had changed.  And so have you.  You can be disappointed at your realization but don't be.  You lived as you needed to until this time when you're ready to change and move on.  Yes you have survived, and now is the time to learn how to grow and blossom.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[MirandaB]

When I made my first contact with a therapist I could barely get through the initial phone call due to all the weeping. But once I started I felt that relief too and the therapy sessions are mostly be being happy about where I'm headed, it's like....therapy. 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

So therapy. Well I'm slightly disappointed, no crying no tears.

This may come later. I’ve brought up topics in therapy that I wouldn’t have thought emotions would be out ‘front and center’ and the next thing I know..waterworks. It can be unpredictable. 

 

1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

I feel a sense of relief and ...

something I cannot define at the moment.

This is good. It’s a milestone in your journey and you should feel something different. You may feel much more emotion in your next session. Just relax and go with it. You’ll be growing and learning more as you do the work. It has been a life changing experience for me and I’m sure if their good, you’ll feel the same.

 

Congratulations,

Susan R?

[Robin.C]

Thank you all.

I am so grateful that Jackie pointed me to this forum and all the lovely people here.

 

I liken this to a renovation project, where I now have to pull down all the scaffolding to reveal the new me ??

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Robin.C said:

I feel a sense of relief and ...

something I cannot define at the moment.

Hi Robin.  Congratulations! on your first therapy session.

I had my first session 3 weeks ago, and I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I must've talked a-mile-a-minute and she even let me go 10 minutes over.
It truly is a benchmark in our lives and I will never forget my first session, as I am sure won't either.

 

I look forward to hearing more about your progress (I have my second session tomorrow and can't wait). 

 

Yes.. Inside something HAS changed❣️

 

[Robin.C]

Well here we are again. Thought I'd tack onto this post rather than start another.

 

Therapy session number 2. My therapist was really amazed at the progress I'd made since last time she saw me.

Support network, tick, coming out to spouse, tick, coming out to some friends, tick, AA meetings, tick, self care, tick.

I think it's been said a few times on the forum you might be hesitant at first but you come to look forward to therapy sessions to let go to someone outside your immediate circle.

 

The upside was my therapist was in no doubt I'm a girl. I say girl at the moment as I'm just getting started ?

So we are going to go through the transition stuff next session and I can then sort out a GP. Be patient and tick all the boxes.

It feels like it's taking forever, though I'm pretty sure it will seem there isn't enough time to get everything sorted. The eternal human condition hurry, hurry, wait ?

 

My biggest problem if you can call it that at the moment is eyebrows. I really don't like mine and having be agonizing over how to draw them on or microblade or brush them. And what colour would look most natural. Sigh, breath and try different stuff. Mostly because the word is my face will change quite a bit during transition so need to wait until the changes have settled before trying anything permanent like surgery or tattooing.

 

Anyhow .

 

Hugs everyone

[Lexi C]

wow Robin

Your so far of the game. Congrats

 

[Charlize]

     Robin i remember being where you are now.

     I could have written this myself:

"It feels like it's taking forever, though I'm pretty sure it will seem there isn't enough time to get everything sorted. The eternal human condition hurry, hurry, wait ?"

     My mind was filled with the demand to understand what that next step would be and at the same time i longed for the peace that i thought would come with the completion of my journey.

    Take a breath......remember to breath out.  One step, next step and in time you will realize how far you have gone.

I think one of the most important things i found is that the journey continues.  Rather than finding myself at some destination , i find myself growing in self acceptance.  Peace resides in the journey as i continue to learn how to enjoy each step.

    I may have had "completed" transition but i'm still learning what that means.  Being here with others makes that possible.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

 

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Robin.C said:

The upside was my therapist was in no doubt I'm a girl. I say girl at the moment as I'm just getting started

Thank you for the update, Robin!  I am so happy to hear your therapy sessions are going so well!  That happened for me on my 3d session and it was a huge milestone in my progress as I am sure it was for you.

Happy to be on this same journey with you❣️

[Lee H]

8 hours ago, Charlize said:

Peace resides in the journey as i continue to learn how to enjoy each step.

 

That is an elegantly concise statement of my goals and hopes. Thanks, Charlize.

My first Theraputic Encounter of the Third Kind comes next Tuesday. I'm impatient and worried what will happen. I want to be considered on this journey, too. My hoped for objective for now, is just to get on HRT and continue with it. I'm hoping for the physical effects, of course, but it's the mental/emotional journey that attracts me. "To think like a woman." Sign me up. I like the closeness and sisterhood I feel from this Forum, and I know it's just the foam on top -- I hope to dive much deeper. 

Thanks to everyone for being here and sharing. It is really valuable.

~~Hugs to all from Leah~~

[Robin.C]

Thought I would add to this rather than posting another topic.

Not sure how many therapy sessions i  have done now, thing is that my partner came to 2 of them and we had a lovely time talking about all things transgender that will occur over the next few years.

 

To say the last few weeks have been mildly difficult work wise and personally, my head seems to be in a weird unsettled place which I'm trying to cope with the best I can for the moment.

Have others had these down and frustrated periods prior to starting HRT ? My guess would be yes, I'd love to have some confirmation I'm not going mad.

 

Still as I said in the other post electrolysis started.

And I have started to change my name where I can. It really is nice when some calls you your preferred name if it is still sir ?

My voice is the thing that will really need a lot of work. Most likely surgery will be the only way I can get it fixed. Might also be able to get the damage done by the years sorted as well.

 

Anyhow ... that's all for now

 

Hugs

Robin

[KayC]

Hi @Robin.C!  great to hear from you again, and thank you for the update.

9 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Have others had these down and frustrated periods prior to starting HRT ? My guess would be yes

Yes! 

I think its normal .. at least for me it is.  Kinda had one of those this weekend .. then I ordered some new clothes from Amazon and felt much better! ?

Happy to hear your partner is with you on therapy sessions ... seems to me you are making great progress❣️

[Lee H]

HI all

I had my first therapy session Friday, 10/23. My impressions:

A cis female therapist, who is in a supervisory capacity in Reno VA MH unit, and experienced with folks in gender transition. She seemed to be very knowledgeable. I quickly felt comfortable talking about my past, present and hoped for future. My main point about the future is that where my head is now will change as I progress with HRT, so any decision I make now probably won't reflect my preferences then. Obviously it was mainly a get-to-know-each other session. I ran through some of my early history of CD and my later history of wanting MtF transition and now starting on HRT. A little about my family, and my concerns about coming out to them. She didn't press me -- I think she very much defines her role as helping me become the person who I want to be, but there's no rush. I'm very glad to have a therapist -- I don't know what I don't know -- and I'm glad she's the one.

So that's the report from my office out in the boondocks of this Nevada cow county. It's a small place, but with a huge picture window out onto the world, and trans people all over. 

~~Hugs to all, Lee~~

[Robin.C]

Wonderful news Lee. It really is nice to have a therapist that is in tune with our feelings.

My therapist is great, she probably has way more experience than most being trans herself.

 

Hugs

Robin

[Robin.C]

So its been 5 months and 5 or 6 therapy sessions. Do I really need to keep track ?

 

And Friday was a mini milestone as we finished the WPATH guidelines and all the questionnaires and information.

What does that all mean ?

 

It means I get a report for my GP and Endocrinologist ?

Once it's in my little hands (who am I kidding, fat hands ?) I can book an appointment to see my GP, woo hoo.

 

Yep there's still away-ways to go as I fairly certain that I'll not get an appointment for the Endo until the New Year or even Feb 2021. I'm okay with that it's not like I'm in a hurry (ARE YOU KIDDING !!!??), LOL.

 

So I might need to start another post, dealing with GPs !?

 

Anyhow,

 

Hugs

Robin

[Jani]

Good news Robin!  Not in a rush, well yes and no.  Mostly yes!  All in good time.  I was "delayed" a bit and looking back it means nothing.  The precaution was worth the wait IMO.   All my best to you!!
 

Jani

[KayC]

That's awesome @Robin.C!  thank you for the continued updates on this thread.  Its just around the corner, and I am sure you're excited❣️

[Charlize]

I remember hating the delay until i thought that perhaps the physical aspects of transition might be less important than self acceptance and getting past the fears that surrounded the coming out process.  Being here i saw so many whose breasts were beginning to appear but who were still hesitant to be themselves in public.  That seemed so hard! 

When my time came to start the physical process my feet seemingly didn't touch the floor.  I'd come to accept myself and was so ready for the changes.

Enjoy your journey.  Speed doesn't necessarily make it better.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize