Complicated sexuality

[Sara_Leighanne]

As long as you are happy and stable that is all that matters. To me that was way more important than presentation of my brains gender. Living en femme and knowing that I never would be truly female was hell. I am so happy for you that isn't so for you.

[Lee H]

I understand. Maybe it's just that I'm older than Hector's pup, but I think I actually spend my time tapering off or tapering on in three distinct categories. AMAB, the mode others expect; my en femme head, cross dressed, which I'm pretty much letting run free during the Covid stay at home alone saga, and neutral, which is most of the time, I guess. I'm about to go out in the heat and get sweaty doing a carpentry project, AMAB all the way, then I'll jump in a cool shower, start smelling feminine and get all casual, wearing my new bra and panties. During some of the afternoon, I'll be very conscious of the en femme mode, but most will be gender neutral, concentrating on other things. 

Especially during others' transition stories, I start beating myself up for not being one thing or the other, but I've read enough of this Forum to have decided, "t'ain't nobody's business but my own." Gender expression is unique to each of us, and we each have a right to it, without worrying about judgment from others. Getting past the self-judgment, the negative self-talk is the hard part of this, at least for me.

I guess I've gotten used to hating what I see in the mirror. I'll never pass, either. I've got a perfect pear shape and a moustache that I grew as an anti-war statement. [Anti-Nam]  It stays. A sagging, wrinkled, bruised fuzzy old pear. Yuck. So I only look at the parts of me I can enjoy while en femme, longish hair, tiny but noticable boobs, and just ignore the rest. When I'm doing things other than feeling the dismay of looking in the mirror, I can enjoy the sensations -- the soft, silky feel of the clothing, hair tickling my neck, low-heeled but not flat sandals.

This Forum has helped me, a lot. I get to be how I want to be.

 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Leah said:

Gender expression is unique to each of us, and we each have a right to it, without worrying about judgment from others. Getting past the self-judgment, the negative self-talk is the hard part of this, at least for me.

That's a great attitude Leah, and that you have been able to settle into a comfortable place.

 

I see the value of therapy for myself (and others here I assume) as helping us to find our inner voice and start to live truly as we feel we should.  Its difficult to sometimes deal with the negative feelings as we may try to convince ourselves that the path to our journey should follow societies expectations.
I hate labels, I hate the idea that we are somehow required to declare/come out, but I also know that's the reality that society places on us.

13 hours ago, Leah said:

This Forum has helped me, a lot. I get to be how I want to be.

YES!  I agree❣️❣️❣️