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What Makes You Smile


Heather Shay

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I tend to believe ours is a group that have shed many tears.... since coming out - what brings a smile to your face - be it a memory or physical change or relationship or just a butterfly lighting up your day.

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A smile is brought to my face every day that I’ve become so comfortable living in a society that sometimes tends to try to take that comfort away❤️

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I smile when I think of where I would have been if I hadn't made the change.  I am sooo much happier now. 

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  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 97 Guests (See full list)

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  • Posts

    • Davie
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I recently realized I share a birthday with two characters in my favorite show!   Kirishima and Tetsutetsu, both which are guys who comment on things being manly (not in a toxic masculinity type way? They'll call basically anything they find positive "manly"). Kirishima especially is considered a poster boy for positive masculinity, and Tetsutetsu serves as comedy in being very similar to Kirishima in almost every way. I guess that makes October 16th the manliest birthday lol   I find gender affirmation in the strangest places 💀
    • Davie
    • Vidanjali
      Short answer, yes. Not easy!! And the "overcome" part is a continuous work in progress. A story is told:   Say you're lost in the woods on a moonless night. It's so dark you cannot even see your hand on front of your face. What do you do? Pick a direction and start walking. You may be on the path out of the woods or you may be going deeper into the woods - you don't know and for some time there's no way to tell the difference. But you keep going. After some time, you begin to see a glimmer of light, not much but just enough to contrast with the previous deep darkness. But it's enough to encourage you that you're going the right way to escape being lost in the dark wilderness.    It's an allegory for the spiritual path. Or if you're not spiritual, call it the path to metal health. For a long time you simply go through the motions and do your best to keep up the forward momentum. You don't perceive yourself as making any progress - it all seems the same. But you practice and develop strength and keep going. Then you begin to notice small differences. You're not as reactive as you used to be. You still have nightmares, but somehow you have more agency in them. There are moments where you experience peace of mind.    Trust is probably the #1 biggest issue for people who've experienced trauma. Certainly it has been for me. Trusting love is real - that's major. But I've found that trust in love is not developed via relationships with others, but rather by learning about yourself and how to feel self-secure. And that is not a matter of autonomy, but rather gaining insight into who you are, essentially. Who you are is indomitable and adorable. You come to believe that in a profound way (not in an egotistical way) and you feel safe anywhere and in all circumstances. You have a feeling of communion and goodwill with all. You are not attached or affected by the actions of others, but are profoundly self-assured in unconditional love for yourself and all. Easily said, but that potential lies in all. It requires guidance, will, discipline, grace, and patience.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  I'm a short ways out of town here.  Hay field across the road.  Pasture on 2 sides in back, and lots of trees in my yard - back yard is basically a small woods.  I'm a bit of a tree hugger.
    • Ivy
      There was no such thing when I was growing up.  Some of my kids played them though, but only the younger ones.  We didn't have a computer for the oldest ones. About the only game I've ever played was Tetris, and that was on one of those old gameboy things.  I still have little interest in them.  My ex did do something for awhile, animal crossing I think.  
    • Mmindy
      I remember living that way. My parents didn’t get an air conditioner until the mid 1970s, just before I moved out. Their house was built to utilize cross winds or fans to keep air moving. In those days it was very important to keep the screens in order so the mosquitoes 🦟 out. Flies were dealt with by using fly traps. You do get acclimated to the hot or cold weather in those situations.    Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
      Well I have been absent recently due to my new hobby of computer gaming. I have worked on a collection of NES, SNES, N64, Sega and now revamping up my PlayStation 1 and 2 collection and then will get Xbox original. My computer isn't powerful enough to run Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 games. It's fun to see the old games that I grew up with. 
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on your journey!
    • Mirrabooka
      More than 30% of Australian households now have rooftop solar PV: Solar energy - Australian Renewable Energy Agency (ARENA)   in America it is only 5%: How Many Americans Have Solar Panels in 2024? (solarinsure.com)
    • Mirrabooka
      It's truly bizarre, the changes that have happened over the years. Larger houses on smaller blocks of land which means less trees because there's no room for them, so less shading and the resultant need to run air-con harder, which adds to suburban heat sink, which results in higher local ambient temperatures, which results in increased air-con use. Vicious circle.
    • Ivy
      I don't have "air" here, so I pretty much live with what Mother Nature gives me.  Fortunately, there are trees in my yard which helps in the NC summer.  Windows and doors open all summer - closed up in winter. I do have fans, ceiling and windows. When you think about it, everyone used to live this way.
    • KatieSC
      I cannot say that I have. As much as we hope that love, compassion, and therapy help, sometimes opening ourselves up to individuals who later to out to disingenuous, results in worsening of the original trauma. In addition, it may provide a secondary trauma. I have experienced this first hand, and it has left me hardened more than diamond or titanium. There is an emptiness that grabs you when you have been betrayed for innocently opening ourselves up, only to find someone who has went behind your back, and tried to destroy your life.    As for therapy, well, for some of us it works I suppose, until we either run out of money. Insurance is often not useful. There are many "counselors" who will not accept the insurance payments, but will willingly charge much more. When my counselor unilaterally decided to increase charges from 130/session to 180/session, I said enough is enough. I survive, sometimes despite myself. I have paid a fortune out of pocket for everything, and have no illusions about it. If I did not pay what I paid, I would not have received the services including the counseling. Transactional? Yes. I already knew I was transgender. That little gift will exist until my last heartbeat occurs. I will endure because I want to, and because my job/profession benefit others.    It was hard enough coming out later in life. I knew it would be hard. If I had a choice, would I choose to be transgender? No. If I had it to do over again, I would never tell a soul. I would take everything to the grave with me. 
    • Ivy
      I like Frida.
    • Ladypcnj
      Good question, when it comes to love, the trauma from past makes it hard for me to know wither someone really loves me or not. My therapist suggested that I embrace my femininity more, due to my past trauma held me back from doing so and forgive those who mistreated me.  
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