Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi! I'm New!


Christine.Alaina

Recommended Posts

Hi, I'm Christine, 

I'm a 50 years old transwoman, I'm sure my story is a familiar one to y'all. I've know I was a girl since my earliest memories. I was scolded and told that boys don't do that. In school I was bullied for being feminine so I learned to pretend not to be different. I secretly dressed in my mother's clothes, in my first wife's clothes, in my second (and final) wife's clothes. So, at the age of 50 I finally came out first to my wife and then to the part of my family that lives with us. Something in me finally broke open and it all flooded out. I have to do this.

My wife is supportive, she helped me buy makeup and a few clothes that actually fit. She helped me find a wig. I'm half bald. And she even took me to a lake and did a photoshoot for me (see my profile pic). Besides all that she cries, and mourns the loss of her husband, and she still wants to call me male nicknames, and her husband. She is my best friend, and I want to stay with her if she'll have me. The thing is she is only ok with me being myself in the house, not in public, or at work. She is not ok with HRT or SRS. I told her I want to live as a woman 24/7, do HRT, and get SRS. I'd like her agreement, but she's not ready yet. I am currently giving her time to accept what I am before I move on, however, I'm starting HRT in 8 days.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Christine to trans pulse forums, and thanks for your intro post, nice to have ya with us :)

 

Have a look around, join the conversations, start your topics or answer others, it's up to you, post away as the mood strikes ya.

 

Welcome hugs

 

Cyndee

Link to comment

Hi Christine, 

    Some of your experience sounds really familiar but my ex( there will only be one ) was gone before I started slowly opening up with others. There are a lot of supportive people here. Have fun getting to know everyone. ?

 

Abigail

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Christine.  Your approach to your wife's hesitancy is a good one.  Give her time to adjust, go slow, make changes step by step.  Her attitude may change for the better, but it may not. You have to decide what you will do if it doesn't.  In the meantime, if you haven't found a gender therapist, I think you should.  It will not only help you, it might also help your wife if she will consent to going to some sessions with you.  The more she learns and understands, the better off you'll both be.  I wish you luck.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Christine.Alaina welcome. As you have already seen from the outpouring of love, you have sisters here who will support you unconditionally. I love your name and the name Alaina holds special meaning to me and the young girl I knew her mother so well was killed in an ATV accident and I wrote a healing for her mother and I am so happy you chose it.

Heather Shay

Link to comment

Thank you everyone for the kind welcome! Y'all are so sweet!

Carolyn, that's great advice. I've been seeing a counselor for about 10 months. I told her everything from the start. It's been well worth it.

Shay, awww! Thank you so much! I've loved my name, Christine, since I was little. Alaina didn't come until later but I feel like it fits me perfectly.

Love to all,

Christine

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Christine,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Hi Christine!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
You've found a great place for encouragement and the supportive experiences of many here that have gone through similar situations.
 

12 hours ago, Christine.Alaina said:

She is my best friend, and I want to stay with her if she'll have me. The thing is she is only ok with me being myself in the house, not in public, or at work.

Your life experience and concerns about your relationship with your wife are very similar to mine.  Its really been a rollercoaster, but I also know its going to take time for both of us.
I want to parrot @Carolyn Marie's advise to seek gender therapy/counseling for yourself (first - if you haven't already) then maybe as a couples therapy later.  Starting therapy is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life, and even only a couple of months into it its been transformational for me, and had put me in a better place to move forward with transition plans than was possible without therapy.

 

It has also started to settle the hills and valleys within our relationship because it has put ME in a more peaceful place (even without HRT yet).  We still have a long ways to go .. and there are no guarantees but it appears more hopeful than it did even a few months ago.

There is no "expiration date" on transitioning ... so defining a timeline that meets not only your personal goals, but also the goal of keeping your relationship together might be a good place to start.  Maybe you can discuss this with your wife?

Happy for you, and your decision to be the woman you've always wanted to be❣️

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment

Thank you so much for your kind reply Kay. I've been seeing a therapist since last year, and my wife is seeing her by herself on Monday. We are going to start couples counseling soon. My wife just wanted to see her by herself first. My wife and I have been talking a lot. I've been as compassionate as possible for her, helping her go through this. Just as she's been supportive of me going through this. She wants me to be happy, but she's wondering how much she will be willing to sacrifice for me to be happy.

 

Love for all,

Christine 

Link to comment
17 hours ago, Christine.Alaina said:

I've been seeing a therapist since last year, and my wife is seeing her by herself on Monday. We are going to start couples counseling soon. My wife just wanted to see her by herself first.

That's great to hear, Christine.  Seems you (both) are doing all the right things to move forward and help your wife in the process. 

Wishing you both all the best and happiness❣️

Link to comment

Christine it is wise to take it one step at a time with your wife.

Whereas we have been thinking this and learning and growing as ourselves, our partners have only just found out.

It will take sometime for her to come up to speed so to speak.

I know my partner is worried about what the changes are going to mean, however she has already seen how much happier I am.

The communication we have I think is the key, especially when dealing with her concerns.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 137 Guests (See full list)

    • Lydia_R
    • MaryEllen
    • EasyE
    • Ashley0616
    • Wasylyna
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,047
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MAN8791
    Newest Member
    MAN8791
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adamtoeve
      Adamtoeve
      (38 years old)
    2. Andy C.
      Andy C.
      (22 years old)
    3. Asher the Enby Goddex
      Asher the Enby Goddex
      (23 years old)
    4. camerashy
      camerashy
      (52 years old)
    5. Stacy S.
      Stacy S.
      (55 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      It has been about six weeks since I started the HRT journey. Today I officially "upgraded" to a new level of patch. I can't believe how giddy I was when A) the doc responded so quickly to my request for a new prescription, as I thought as I was going to have to wait a few weeks for my current one to run out; B) the pharmacy filled my new prescription so quickly -- in like an hour from when the doc emailed; and C) when I got home and put the new patch in place as quickly as possible...   Six weeks in and I would say it is subtle changes at best. But there are changes. They are just hard to describe... Sometimes I get these little rushes of emotion or mini-euphorias. Is that the hormones? I am emotional anyways, anger included ... I've noticed very subtle changes in my chest, like are my areola getting bigger? Or is it just my imagination? Are things getting smaller downstairs? Again, or just my imagination? I feel ... different ... yes a little more feminine...   I think it has surprised me how much I actually want a female chest. I keep checking it out all the time. That is brand new! But it's like I look down, notice what appear to be some changes and I say to myself, "This is going on with my body, and I like this! A lot!" Nothing ceases to amaze me anymore. I am such a mess, lol...    I feel like this patch upgrade is going to bring about more noticeable changes. Like I am really in the game now. Like the first part was just a warm up. Maybe not. But that's what it feels like.   So far, no problems with the patch itself (aside for forgetting a couple of times to take the old patch off when I put the new on one. I went a whole day once with a double-patch). Internally I think I am so ready for the next step... Externally, I feel like I am continuing to poke a hornet's nest, a den of scorpions and a mama bear all at the same time.
    • April Marie
      100% correct!
    • Mmindy
      That's a great question @Ladypcnj. It gives time for staff to review your line of thinking or replying. You're almost free to comment at will, reaching 5 posts.   Best wishes, stay positive.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ladypcnj
      If it's okay for me to ask, but why does post and replies have to be approved? 
    • Willow
      No one that hasn’t gone through the self perceived shame and guilt about the feelings we’ve had cannot understand 1. Why we need a therapist we trust. 2.  Why we suddenly need to talk to them. 3. Why things set us off and throw us into a bout of extreme depression.  4. Why we feel threatened even when we aren’t in immediate danger.  That threat may be only in our mind but it’s our need for reassurance.      
    • Avra
      Be careful about software bundled with your antivirus! Most likely they are using it to spy on you. As far as I know the only 2 VPN providers that actually protect your data (and delete it as soon as possible if they keep anything at all) are Proton VPN and Mulvad VPN - the latter one actually had their servers stormed by law enforcement and they walked away with nothing (cause Mulvad had no customer data to offer). I would avoid antiviruses altogether tbh, they're not a magic cure for internet safety and the built in one from Microsoft does its job well enough. If you're not on WIndows you don't even need one - just be smart about what you download of course.   Your web browser asking you to turn it off is probably because the browser would prefer to know your real location, just ignore it or pick a better browser, like Firefox.
    • Lorelei
      It was stupid of me, the cop was in front of me in a u-turn cut in a spot I know about. I was running a little late because of the slow truck, and the cop happened to be there today. It is like one of only three places for a speed trap on my commute. I usually don’t speed as I try to leave enough of a time buffer in the morning. 
    • Lorelei
      The worst possible scenario is 4 points on my license, which a defensive driving course will negate it. I had considered getting a lawyer, but it is probably not worth the expense. 
    • Ivy
      Yeah, I was puzzling on that too…
    • Maddee
      Good luck maam 😊 I’ve experienced that they’ll lower the points , if you show up in court and pay the ticket. 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      This was before I came out.One documentary worth watching on it is The Invisible War,mentioning the sex crimes in the military
    • April Marie
      A multi-colored skort with a white popover and white sneakers. I need some sun on those legs, tho'!!!   
    • Mmindy
      Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums Mealaini,   Like you I knew in my preteen years that I was meant to be a girl, but didn't have any way to bring it up in the early 1960s. It was the expanding news outlets on the telly that allowed me to understand that I may not be the only person who felt this way. Wow was my mind expanded once the internet became a reasonable research tool in the 1990s.   My grown daughter (42) is nonbinary and atheist with pagan leanings. So when I came out to her she was thrilled and wanted to dress me up and show me the world. Well I think she wanted to show me to the world. My son (45) is evangelical christian and very upset with his sister for many reasons. However he's a reluctant supporter of me as transgender. I'm out to my wife and we've been married for 48 years this June, so I'm in a very late in life transition.   The other thing that has me going down an internet rabbit hole is your location. It clearly states United Kingdom with a sub flag of Illinois. I've searched the web and can't seem to locate Illinois, UK. Am I missing something?    Best wishes,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Timi
      Thank you for sharing, @Mealaini, and welcome.    I appreciate your description of IFS and your book recommendation. I have a few close friends who are very enthusiastic about IFS and my therapist is incorporating some of those elements into my therapy.    -Timi
    • Ivy
      Leg hair.  Shaving it was a surprisingly big decision.  (Not as big as the beard tho)  After I did it a few times, it's never really grown back.  Haven't shaved them in a couple of years and you'd never know it.  A daughter living with me doesn't shave hers, and she is much furrier than I ever was.     I don't exactly hate my living as a guy in the past.  TBH, I was never quite there anyway.  But I just dropped it.  I live full time fem, and it would bother me a lot to go back to being a guy.  But I don't have to appease family or an employer.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...