Name change

[Emily michelle]

With several other people getting their name lately has really got me thinking about my name change. Is there really a good time to file for a name change? I have been on hormones for 4.5 months now and I’m really starting to feel that I should start my name change process. I am not out to my employer yet. I am pretty much out to everyone in my personal life that needs to know. I know I don’t pass right now but I’m feeling like I need to get the ball rolling.

[Elizabeth Star]

That really is a good question. I don't think it matters that much. A therapist would love to see it done  sooner rather that later as  proof of your claim. I'm getting my marker updates as soon as I can but the name has to wait a few more month. The plus side is I can Get a new ID picture every time.

 

@Emily michellehave you looked into outing yourself at work.? Then you could tell/ask what name they should call you. I did it. Holy crap it was hard but i did it.

[KayC]

Hmmmm ... I've wondered .. do I really need a legal name change? 
Its so early for me, I don't really have to think about it yet.  Maybe when I am farther along, and it creates big problems or confusion I might move more in that direction.

 

Has anybody here transitioned, or lived close to full time and not changed their name?  Just wondering at what point it becomes a burden to keep one's original legal name?

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Has anybody here transitioned, or lived close to full time and not changed their name?  Just wondering at what point it becomes a burden to keep one's original legal name?

I was presenting female part time for a few months before going full time and as I went to more and more places it seemed to be more and more bothersome.  At certain places, I was carded with my male ID and when I switched PCP’s back in Jan 2019, they would not give me scripts in my female name until it became legal so I had to use my male name while presenting female at the pharmacy. Credit Cards were also still in my male name until I went full time and you can understand in many places I outed myself. I was never pulled over by police but I assume that might be an issue also.

 

You could probably go without changing it indefinitely but what a pain in the arse. In reality, it eventually hits a point where you realize...”Hey, I need female ID more than I need my male ID” so you just change it all. I went full time 3 weeks before getting all my ID’s and legal documents changed.

 

Susan R?

[Lexi C]

1) Emily you totally pass as CIs

2) Kay  I been  on HRT for 2 yrs, Full time for over 2 and half and  i still have not legally change my name. Part pandemic( so the court are all close,) part I just don't have the strength or will power to call every institution to notify then of my name change. 

3) To tell you the truth, my close friends and fam already call me Lexi and i literally sometimes forget that's my name causing me great discomfort and depression  

[Emily michelle]

I have really thought of outing myself at work I’m just really afraid of the disaster that can very well turn into. My original plan was to have my name change before we have a baby but that time line has been pushed back till after my wife gets done with her masters degree. Now I have a lot more time to get it done but I’m really getting to the point I don’t want to see my old name anymore. I thought of waiting till the early part of 2021 start the new year fresh with a new name.

[ValerieRun]

I was planning to change my name for a few years long before I even knew more about myself. But it never felt important or immediate enough. As I started to transition, I finally set that as one of my goals for the year. And even though I am not even remotely full time or even out besides my family,I have my new name now. When I present femme it helps not to cringe when somebody is calling me. And when I am not, I proudly carry it ?

[MiraM]

I have been on HRT for around 2.5 years, and full time for just over a year.  I still have not had my name legally changed.  Everyone in my personal and work life calls me by my chosen name, but all legal documents, etc. still have my birth name.  It is getting to be a hassle since I am now in management and when I go to a new store, all of the documentation says they are getting a male named E*** and then a female named Ilmira shows up.  I have to go to the new store in advance and explain things so that there is no confusion.  The main reason I have not done the name change yet is mainly financial.  Every time I think I have the money together something happens to my car or I have another health issue come up.  I am hoping that later this month when I get my profit sharing, that I can get the process started.

[Jackie C.]

There are girls who never update their documents. The biggest reasons are that it takes time and money. A lot of us become marginalized by friends, family and potential employers when we come out and that can put us in a precarious financial situation. After that come local laws and all the hoops you have to jump through. Some states won't let you touch your gender marker for example.

 

I'm still in the process of making everything match who I actually am (ugh, this year. It's been a garbage fire since February). I'll have my driver's license sorted at the end of the month (hopefully). My gynecologist is helping me with my birth certificate, BUT he needs to find a notary and they're all hiding under rocks at the moment. Then I can handle social security presuming the offices every re-open or I can get an appointment.

 

Hugs!

+

[Emily michelle]

All the hoops concern me. I hope I’m correct but I don’t really think my employer will fire me and I’m also hoping my union will have my back. The big thing going for me there are not a lot of people knocking on the door wanting to do my job. My biggest hurdle with my work is my coworkers I will likely face harassment to no end. So that makes me wonder if it would be easier for them to fire me than deal with people harassing me. I thought too would it be a benefit for the company to keep me because then wouldn’t that make me a minority and that would keep there minority rate up.

 

The way it looks to me by just online research is that it doesn’t look very costly just a lot of hoops to go through as far as the gender marker it looks like I can change my liscense easily but my birth certificate is another ball game. I’m just to the point I hate hearing or having to use my deadname. Originally I had plans  for everything but it seems those don’t work and now it’s faster paced than I ever could have imagined. Too the point I don’t want to even be associated with my past.

[Charlize]

Getting my name change was very important to me.  I had dealt with a few scary times when i needed to present my documents.  How you come out to employers is certainly difficult but if you ever plan to live as a woman you will need to get through both issues.  Changing documents was a pain but not very costly.   Each time i get mail in my own name i'm rewarded for the effort.

Somehow I've become convinced that procrastination only makes the pain last longer.  We each have our own journey and hops to get through but i'm convinced it will be no easier tomorrow.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

Thank you @Emily michelle for starting this thread, and for everybody's very informative perspective on changing names.  Very helpful and all these considerations are worthwhile.

[Bri2020]

I just sent my paperwork to the county civil court to change my name- step one.  They will do it by mail so that's easy and it cost me about $65 because I asked for 10 certified copies so I had them for the next steps. The rest of the steps are pretty slow and paced out because you need to do things in a certain order.  None are expensive on their own. I figure total cost to be less than $300 over the next few months.  I'm lucky in that I was born in NYC and they are easy with gender marker change and name change on birth cert.  I just started living full time as Bri but I already hated presenting IDs in my dead name and I know I'm not turning back so why wait?  I think a lot of people probably wait because it is a "no turning back" moment. At least not without a (($* ton of more paperwork.  So both a bit of fear or uncertainty might be driving the hesitation.  

[SaraAW]

I'm changing my name legally now, as opposed to later for a few reasons:

1) I am Sara;

2) I can not change my name in several systems at work, as they are tied to payroll and for legal reasons it needs to stay my legal name;

3) It may help my wife come to terms with the fact I am Sara;

4) I am Sara. 

[Emily michelle]

2 hours ago, SaraAW said:

I'm changing my name legally now, as opposed to later for a few reasons:

1) I am Sara;

2) I can not change my name in several systems at work, as they are tied to payroll and for legal reasons it needs to stay my legal name;

3) It may help my wife come to terms with the fact I am Sara;

4) I am Sara. 

I agree with you Sara. I’m Emily and that’s who I was and always be now I just want everything else to reflect that.