Awkward bottom area issue

[Atg3]

If you're easily triggered by genitals don't read anything below. Thanks. 

 

 

Hey people, 

So I'm extremely uncomfortable with my bottom parts and I can't imagine to talk about this with my doctor. I am 18.I've been on hormone blockers for 6 months and on testosterone for about 2 months. I masturbate but doing anything with whats down there makes me feel extremely dysphoric. I have a normal/a bit high sex drive. With that being said I'm a complete virgin and I have no idea how my lower parts are supposed to work, I'm just kind of "going with the flow".So yeah, I can't really find the vaginal (ugh)opening.You know, the place under where my pee comes out of,where you usually put stuff in. Its either closed or extremely shallow.Im so freaking dysphoric and writing this leaves me in tears.Is it normal and do I have to fix it? I have no idea what it means.Please help me. Give me any links on that. I'll add that everything was normal with my first puberty and I've fully gone throuh it so it is probably not connected with that. Thanks for help. 

[MaryEllen]

Welcome to TransPulse.   Even though it's uncomfortable for you, I think this is something you should discuss with a doctor.

 

MaryEllen

[A. Dillon]

Yeah, I know how awful this can be, but if you are concerned about your health you really only have two options;

 

a) Look into it yourself, even if it is really dysphoric, there are things you have to understand about the body you have now.

b) Go to a doctor, which is the better option, but seeing as how you live in Poland that might be a bit more difficult.

 

Just try to think about it as a male body; you are male, you are in the body, ergo it is a male body. Yeah, doesn't work all that well, but it at least helps me when I need to something that makes me dysphoric. Otherwise, think about it like a learning experience, just reading an article or something out of pure curiosity. None of this is easy, but this is important. I had nightmares all the time as a kid about going to places like the, saying it makes me uncomfortable, gynecologist. I still don't think I would ever be able to go, it makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time. But if you don't go, you have to be able to take care of yourself. Hang in there...

[DonkeySocks]

3 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

Just try to think about it as a male body; you are male, you are in the body, ergo it is a male body. Yeah, doesn't work all that well, but it at least helps me when I need to something that makes me dysphoric. Otherwise, think about it like a learning experience, just reading an article or something out of pure curiosity. None of this is easy, but this is important.

 

What A. Dillon said.

 

Since it's difficult for you to use the terminology for speaking with the doctor, you can print out something like what you just shared here, explaining your concerns, and hand it to the doctor.

[DonkeySocks]

I feel like I should add this in case it helps. If it's not helpful, or if it doesn't meet community guidelines, hopefully someone can remove it.

 

If you can bring yourself to do so, searching the Internet in general for cis girls not being able to find that opening might be helpful and enlightening.

 

If you haven't placed anything inside that part of your anatomy before, you might not be aware that it isn't supposed to just feel open all of the time. It actually is closed, a little. That would be normal. Get some water-based personal lubricant and file your fingernails smooth and try again to find the opening. Use plenty of lubricant. It's okay to move the skin there and try to find it. It could be down or back a little farther than you expected, if you haven't found it before. You can expect this to be difficult for you because of your dysphoria, but it is safe. You will be okay. And do ask your doctor for advice! And ask your doctor about what effects T has had on that part of your body, find out if it's causing any changes there yet. You can also research that.

[Dana Michelle]

If you go to a doctor, maybe you could try going to your primary doctor instead of gynaecology. I don't know how you are presenting, but I know that it is embarrassing for many transgender men to be in the waiting room in the gynaecology department after having started to present as male. For all I know, this issue may only be something only a gynaecologist can treat, but maybe you could check with your primary care doctor first to see if they could treat you.

[SL]

I agree with the posts above. Also, try not to worry too much. I know whenever something is medically wrong with me and it's not evident what the actual issue is I get a little panicky. If you're a virgin it could be something as simple as a hymen. Some people's get broken from bike accident or other things when they are young and others don't. Maybe your body knew that area was hard for you to deal with so you got an extra durable one. My body seemed to know "female" hormones weren't what I was supposed to primarily work with so I ended up with PCOS and endometriosis. If you've had the main parts of your first puberty then the part you are tying to find is probably there. I cannot tell you if that is what the issue is because there are a few different things I could think of, but with you being a virgin, it could be something as simple as that. If it bothers you or worries you (which is seems to since you made a post about it) you should see a doctor about it. No one here can give you a medical diagnosis or really help with treatment because 1) I'm pretty sure it's against site policy and 2) we can't even see you to give you a diagnosis if we were doctors. 

 

If you end up having to go to a gyno, I recommend researching them thoroughly and seeing if any in your area say anything about being LGBT friendly. If you find one like this they'll probably be more likely to use your chosen name. Also I don't know the Covid policies where you are, but I know doctors offices here are trying to keep the waiting areas clear so people can't infect each other. I've also seen plenty of men at gynos with their wives so maybe if there are other people around you could ask the doctors office to say something like, "Mr. ____, you're wife is ready for you now," when they call you back. 

 

The main reason I am comfortable with my gyno is she actually delivered me and I know her kid who is gender non-conforming so I know she's more empathetic to my situation than some others would be. 

[Emily michelle]

I can understand where your coming from I was told a few months ago I needed a mammogram. It made me very uncomfortable because I know I don’t pass right now. My doctor found a breast center she was familiar with and contacted them. She told them my situation and they were extremely accomadating. I’m so glad I took the day off work to have it done because I don’t think I could do it if I had to wear work clothes since I’m not out to my employer. The biggest hiccup was sitting there in my gown in the patient waiting room with 2 other patients and the nurse deadnamed me I was mortified for a bit but then I got over it and she apologized.

Its very hard I have a lot of issues with my lower parts not health related but I know how bad the dysphoria is. I would say talk to your doctor. I would see if your doctor has email and you could email them your problem that would be a lot easier then verbally explaining it to them and if you need further examination you can mention your dysphoria and your doctor should be able to make the most accomadations they can. Just make sure the doctor is LGBT friendly.