Started HRT Last Night

[MirandaB]

 

It's the 16th, so it's the day I'm still noting as the anniversary of starting HRT, 9 months in (it's a girl!)

 

The person I most was worried about finding out secondhand and hadn't told yet is gone. 

 

Have taken a couple weeks off from gender 24/7 time to it shifting into the background for the most part dealing with that person's ICU experience and passing.

 

Can't hide my hair and whatever facial change is going on, didn't hide my painted toenails from people who don't know as I mingled with family members who are in the dark about me. 

 

Sent out a 'pride' post to my social media account where I let work folks follow me, not anything all that trans or open, just something that a supporter could post and the secret subtext is there for those who know about it (not anyone at work as far as I know as yet).

 

As for physical changes, haven't really inspected anything much lately due to those other events but it's still a surprise to touch some skin somewhere and feel how soft it is. The new thing this week is me wondering what's moving against my back and realizing it's my hair. 

 

The emotional effects are still the best thing about it. I still feel like the world has (cliche warning) gone from black and white to color. I find myself enjoying the company of some people, even friendly strangers. If that continues it would be mind blowing. And find it easier to be open about expressing emotions of all kinds. 

 

Am edging ever closer to asking for forgiveness instead of permission for the next baby steps with a semi-supportive not really all that supportive wife stuck in the same mode she's been in for months.

 

But if I took the null hypothecis test again, knowing what I know now, I'd do it the same exact way unless you offered me the chance to start sooner. 

 

[Jackie C.]

It's OK, cliché's exist for a reason.

 

Also, I feel much the same way. La la la!

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

5 hours ago, RhondaS said:

I find myself enjoying the company of some people, even friendly strangers.

This is true for me as well.  I will even initiate a conversation.  Guy me would never have done this unless compelled to.

My endo recently upped my E (actually doubled it) and I can really feel the difference - in a good way.

[Davie]

Congrats, @RhondaS

I'm not on HRT, yet. But I feel something in my heart changing that also affects how I feel and relate to others . . . it's a subconscious thing, but it's noticeable to me. To others? Not sure. Don't care.

Thanks,

Davie

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Davie said:

I feel something in my heart changing that also affects how I feel and relate to others . . . it's a subconscious thing…

HRT doesn't make us transgender, we seek it because we are transgender. 

[Davie]

@JandiWell put. I get it. I'm going to copy that down.

[MirandaB]

I probably have written this before, but before I started I was expecting physical changes that would lead to mental relief when those started being apparent. But almost from day 1 the mental relief happened, and 'side effects' like all the emotional heightening and openness was an unexpected outcome.

[Shawnster]

I'm going on 3 months.... Starting with the breast tenderness lately.... The mental clarity started kicking in about week 4.....  My e level is already 116!!!! Now to work on the t level.... I won't say I'm more emotional, but I'm sure a lot happier!!! Good luck!!! Enjoy the ride!!!

[MirandaB]

The 16th again. 10 months in. 

 

Away with my elder child, who has been the most supportive of anyone, so I do feel totally free to wear any bit of my "bought in the women's section but still slightly plausibly male" clothes, which I don't feel as easy to do at home, although I have progressed into doing it a bit more. 

 

As for the HRT effects, still slowly improving in the physical areas and I am still enjoying feeling more like a human rather than just human adjacent. 

[MomTGDaughter]

On 9/17/2020 at 12:23 AM, RhondaS said:

Got blood work on Monday, GP who looked at it on Wednesday wondered if I had started HRT already or had tried it in the past, based on low testosterone and high estrogen levels (for AMAB).  ?

 

58 years old. My endocrinologist said "Let's get this party started!" and now I guess i'm just waiting for the festivities to gradually begin. 

IT looks like you did this close to a year ago, how are you doing? My daughter will start soon, so I am curious as to what to expect for her.  I did read up on it, but it's always good to get it straight from someone who has had direct experience with it. 

[MirandaB]

@MomTGDaughter I'm guessing she's a lot younger than I am, so she should do great! 

 

I'm guessing what will happen is there will be noticeable physical effects way faster than there was for old people like me and (hopefully) good mental benefits that still happened here. Best of luck to you all!

[Jackie C.]

12 hours ago, MomTGDaughter said:

IT looks like you did this close to a year ago, how are you doing? My daughter will start soon, so I am curious as to what to expect for her.  I did read up on it, but it's always good to get it straight from someone who has had direct experience with it. 

 

Yeah, that's about the size of it from other young trans people I've met. She's young enough to get more benefits, but instead of the physical, the mental changes are the most profound. Expect her to develop a certain calmness and clarity she didn't have before. It won't happen right away, but given a couple of months (once the Endo gets the dosages right anyway), she'll be a much happier person.

 

Hugs!

[MomTGDaughter]

On 7/22/2021 at 3:59 AM, Jackie C. said:

 

Yeah, that's about the size of it from other young trans people I've met. She's young enough to get more benefits, but instead of the physical, the mental changes are the most profound. Expect her to develop a certain calmness and clarity she didn't have before. It won't happen right away, but given a couple of months (once the Endo gets the dosages right anyway), she'll be a much happier person.

 

Hugs!

 

I think you are talking about is feminine mannerism, it would also be nice if develops an acceptable size breasts and not need implants. I would rather they be more natural. 

 

[Ivy]

HRT will cause growth, and the younger start the better.   They say family members' size can give some indication of what might be expected.

[Jackie C.]

7 hours ago, MomTGDaughter said:

I think you are talking about is feminine mannerism, it would also be nice if develops an acceptable size breasts and not need implants. I would rather they be more natural. 

 

Mannerisms are learned behaviors. Admittedly my behaviors were firmly feminine to begin with. The ones I adopted to pass as male (read as not get my butt beaten into a smear in the 70's and 80's) fell off pretty quickly once I started presenting as female. No, what I'm talking about is a sort of serenity that settles in after your brain starts marinating in the right hormones. A friend of mine described it as having a migraine your whole life but once she started HRT it's gone. It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't had it, but it VASTLY improves the quality of your day to day life.

 

Acceptable size breasts are... well, personal. I mean how many cis-women do you know who have had breast implants or reductions? What's you think is right might not be what your daughter thinks is right. Mine are on the small side, but that's OK, they're mine. The only hardship is finding bras in my size. You run the same risk as any other mother of a girl. She may decide that she'll only be happy with DD's. She may be happy with what nature gave her. She might decide that they're too big after one especially punishing summer.

I hope that she's happy with whatever nature gives her, but you never know.

 

Hugs!

[MomTGDaughter]

We constantly discuss her treatment options together and mostly see eye to eye on her long term needs.  She will compromise with me. It's not that she has to have big breasts, but big enough to give he a feminine look. She looks very feminine now as a 13 year old and can't tell she was born male.  Her voice is leans female now, but hoping the estrogen helps her even more with that.  From reading up, I noticed many transgender girls get involved in the wrong things and do not want to see this happen to Sheila. So being very involved in her life is important. 

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, MomTGDaughter said:

I noticed many transgender girls get involved in the wrong things and do not want to see this happen to Sheila. So being very involved in her life is important.

That would be a pity.  I'm sure your support will help a lot.

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, MomTGDaughter said:

Her voice is leans female now, but hoping the estrogen helps her even more with that.

 

Estrogen doesn't do bupkis for voice. She's only 13* though so testosterone probably hasn't done it's dirty work yet. A bit of voice coaching should be able to change her resonance (and pitch if she needs it) to something that sounds completely natural. I mean if I can do it, a thirteen year old girl can handle it no problem.

 

Hugs

 

* Seriously, my voice didn't change until I was 16.

[April-Showers]

4 hours ago, MomTGDaughter said:

From reading up, I noticed many transgender girls get involved in the wrong things and do not want to see this happen to Sheila. So being very involved in her life is important. 

i just noticed your posts. you don't say much about the care she is getting professionally. you mentioned a therapist but what about physicians? at her age she needs to be seeing a transgender specialist physician. one who will handle everything properly and professionally. yes you do need to be very involved in her life. not sure where you read what you did but girls like her do not get in any more trouble than other kids. thank you.

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, April-Showers said:

not sure where you read what you did but girls like her do not get in any more trouble than other kids.

 

One addendum: Trans kids who have the support of their families don't get into any more trouble than other kids.

 

Knowing that we're loved for who we are takes away a lot of the risk of homelessness, addiction, drug abuse and suicide that takes so many of my brothers and sisters well before their time.

 

@MomTGDaughter sounds like a GREAT mom though. Your daughter should be fine. I wish more moms were like you.

 

Hugs!

[Heather Nicole]

8 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

@MomTGDaughter sounds like a GREAT mom though. Your daughter should be fine. I wish more moms were like you.

 

I agree. I recently met a transgender teenage boy and his dad. The dad was very accepting and supportive, and the boy was clearly thriving as a result. (Having grown up myself in the trans-repressive 80s/90s as a "boy" who very secretly wanted to become a girl, I was a little bit envious ?)

 

From what I've heard, the statistics are very much in line with this, too. It's not being trans that leads people down bad paths, the problems come from not having a loving, accepting family and support system. Same as for anyone else.

[Aggie1]

On 6/16/2021 at 1:43 AM, RhondaS said:

But if I took the null hypothecis test again, knowing what I know now, I'd do it the same exact way unless you offered me the chance to start sooner. 

Yep! All those boogey men I was afraid of all those years never materialized. 

 

I can relate to everything you say @RhondaS.b I am more active than ever in the organizations I have invested some time in, like Toastmasters. I'm sought out more now than ever before. I have joined a little group of rock painters in the local area who get together once a week or so, and am just one of the gals, even though it's obvious physically that I'm not. The way I respond and react to the world is much more natural and female. HRT plays a big part in allowing me to be myself, without conflicting signals from the nether regions, if you know what I mean. It took 65 years for this caterpillar to get to this point in my life. I can handle a few more years of marinating, letting the brain adjust to the new hormones, continuing to be myself as I slowly emerge as a butterfly. I don't want to emerge undeveloped, even though I sometimes feel like bursting out. Patience. Teenagers are a bit gangly and ungainly until they learn the ropes. That's how I feel at times. As the physical slowly progresses the mental comes alongside and confirms it. 

 

No one has yet told me they think I'm making a huge mistake. (not that it's any of their business!) To the contrary, most of the signals I've received are subtle confirmations. On the other hand, I haven't gone out of my way to look for confrontation from hostile sources, either!

 

It's been almost 5 months now on HRT and almost 9 month of believing myself. Not sure how to measure physical growth in the breast region, but if the thumb is any indication, it's well past the first knuckle, almost to the second knuckle, and still painful to the touch. I got a prescription for triple-caine ointment yesterday and looking forward to applying that before my next electrolysis session. I sound like a girl in labor with her first child on the operating table as the "filament" is "gently" inserted into my follicles every ten seconds. LOL!

[MirandaB]

@AgnesBardsie I'm working on being okay with a few more years of marinating...can we just get to the butterfly part already??

 

 

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, RhondaS said:

@AgnesBardsie I'm working on being okay with a few more years of marinating...can we just get to the butterfly part already??

 

 

Amen to that!

[Elizabeth Star]

4 hours ago, RhondaS said:

@AgnesBardsie I'm working on being okay with a few more years of marinating...can we just get to the butterfly part already??

 

 

The waiting game sucks but actually seeing the changes in oneself can be harder. I've been of HRT for 19-ish months. I don't get sir'ed anymore in public (over the phone is a different story) so I know I have changed. I'm just not readily seeing it. Breast growth feels like it slowed down to a crawl.